The point of my existence.

This will be my last...

2009-02-23T19:26:00.000+08:00

Dear stranger,

I hope you’re someone I love, ‘cause if you’re not, then there’s no point in continuing to the next paragraph. But if it satisfies your annoying curiosity, you have every right to continue reading...

The subtle thought of changing my life turned out to be nothing but an impossible dream. It’s occurrence? Pure fiction. What’s real is that the only way to escape this unbearable agony is to take my life away. It’s a drastic move, but it’s certain that I am nothing more but nothing at all.

It makes no sense. It makes no perfect sense. None at all. Nothing whatsoever.
As I write this sad suicide note, I want you to know how pathetic and unhappy I’ve been. I have to admit it, but I’ve always tried so hard to find someone who’d actually bother to make me feel better. Bea usually filled in that role, but it never ever sufficed.
And so, as I leave you with all the love I have left in me. As you are reading this, I am at the top of the highest building in the Philippines, mourning about my fate and my insignificant feat. I hope this world would just die along with me.

Sincerely yours,
Janvic.

P.S.
You could try and save me to show me that you care. Or you could just ignore everything I just said, I’m fine with that.

P.P.S.
There’s this rope tied to a strong hook beside the door of the top floor. You can use this to grab my hand just in case I actually jump. The rope is 117 yards long, so I’m pretty sure you’d be able to catch when I’m falling *piano* falling *piano* catch me if you can *piano*. Please keep this in mind. Thanks.

P.P.P.S.
I am not trying to seek attention. If I was, I’d be locking myself up in my room and slitting my wrist (doing it incorrectly, of course) while I dial my best friend’s phone number to try and look for some sympathy. Again, this is not an attention-seeking act.

Baby I'ma be your boyfriend :>.

2008-12-01T14:40:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah, it's been a while. The moment I stepped out of San Beda for our class retreat, I've been the most unproductive creature alive. The schedule was perfect, 3-day retreat, a play, 5-day IAC and a long weekend. I practically got another sem-break from schoolwork.

Then again, I think there's this unproven law called "The Law of Conservation of Stress and Burden" (WTF?!) which states that each human being is entitled to his/her innumerable amount of rest and relaxation, but is obliged to suffer much stress and burden that is fixed and cannot be escaped by... Okay, I'm making no sense again. I can't continue it without sounding so lame. So just forget it.

Honestly, I don't know what to write, or if there's even anything to write about. I think lists are a hit now, Gab's doing it, Ate Lea and Bea's been doing it since, like, forever, so why shouldn't I give in to this "rant/whine/problem listing frenzy." I mean, it's all the rage =D.

1.) I guess my paranoia exceeds to the point that I make my own problems.
Fortunately, all parties concerned (and even until today I can't type "concerned" without that red line coming out)... Right, I lost it. Thanks you Sar for killing the momentum :D.

Well to make the long story short, problems passed and solutions came before things got sloppy. I'm just thankful that I know where I'm supposed to place myself. I hope you get what I'm trying to say here. It's not easy to uhhh, sit in front of your computer trying to immortalize yourself with a shitty webpage for an hour or two, knowing you have tonnes to do (but mind you, I'm fully aware that people like Bea can do it with such ease, I'm just boggled by the question "how").

2.) I have a ton of movies lined up, all ready for downloading.
I'm just not so sure if my computer's ready to handle it. I can't continue watching heroes 'cause the CD player fucks up. I have to slam the roof of the CPU for it to continue, and after that it fucks up again. All the banging and rattling resets the PC and causes even more problems. The warranty's not up yet, it will be in a few months, but my dad's a lazy bum (now you know where I got my traits :D) who isn't too eager in bringing this piece of shit to the place that can actually fix it. Why? Members of this family get little to no benefit of this computer other than I :D.

3.) I want to vommit when I smell my mother's own way of cooking ground beef.
Seriously, no matter how much she varies the style of cooking, they all taste and SMELL the same. And unfortunately, I have to bear with it. It's sad, I've been eating the same shit for days, no, WEEKS, and I'm desperately craving for some fastfood. What's worse is that I had to bear watching 3-32 indulge in burgersteaks for a few IAC days. Langhap Sarap, hanggang amoy nalang ang kaligayahan ko :|.

4.) I only joined ONE game in the IAC and I'm not even good at it.
Hell no, kicking balls is not my thing :). But I DID get myself a little muddy before the games started, they said that I had to play but the whole week passed and all I did was walk on a shithole that they claim as a football field. Then they'll glare at me and say "'Di ka naman naglaro e." E puta 'di nyo ko pinapasok e. Amfness u.

5.) Thank you very much, IAC, I lost a couple of things thanks to this event.
At first I was going to take off my watch, I loosened it and forgot all about it as I walked on earth muk, and someone noticed it fall off my wrist. I picked it up, fascinatingly muddy and all and washed it afterwards. The next few days I left my watch along with my shirt (I changed with my classmate's jersey 'cause I lost mine thanks to a handful of people who borrowed it and passed it on from classmate to classmate) my handkerchief and my wallet on a motherfucking chair. I came back and I saw that there was a bag on top of it and went back to watch the game. After the game, the bag was sitting on the floor 'cause some lazy-ass fucker sat on the chair that my stuff were prestigiously napping on. Christian and I went back to their headquarters and decided to go to the "Black" arcade. It was my habit to look at the time before going to such a place. Then I realized that I left my watch there, only to find a bunch of losers playing their hearts out. Yes, I also didn't see my watch before I left, that's exactly why I forgot about it, okay?

Unless it's with the SC or Sir Bagz, it would seem as if that my frequent knowledge of the time has withdrawn from my daily life until I get a job.

Oh I lost my umbrella too. I brought it with me so that we could watch the exhibition match without ending up with skin cancer. Back at the headquarters, I already assumed that Christian would refuse to let me put the thing in his bag (as alaways) so I just left it beside his bag. I completely forgot about it 'til I got home.

Missing: Wristwatch, umbrella and my freaking jersey.

Blame my shitty memory.

6.) FUCK projects. Period.
I know I'll be saying this a hell lot more next School Year, so I might as well exercise my cursing skills as early as now. I just can't wait for Christmas break. That's all I can say.

7.) Gab has a love life right now, why shouldn't I too?
Easy lang. Pro'lly when I get these braces off and most things about me are polished :)).

I want to try adding tags from now on =D... On second thought, I who cares? :)) I'm too lazy to think of "keywords." (It's been a while since I posted a 99% english post :))

You might think I'm happy, but I'm not gonna be okay =).

2008-10-22T17:46:00.000+08:00

I sought immediate counsel through a woman of beauty beyond absolute compare.(Oo, alam kong gasgas na gasgas na ang line na "blabla beyond compare") Let's call her my Aviary. Wow. Ang korny kong mag-isip ng codename :)). Anyway, medyo... Wala siyang natulong :)). Pero nalabas ko parin ang dapat kong ilabas sa kanya. Haha.

Later that day I talked to another friend, let's call him Squidball :). Haha, korny nanaman.

Ako: Kaya mo bang iwanan ang braso mo?
Squidball: In what sense?
Ako: In a literal sense.
Squidball: Anong mahirap dun?

And then, it just hit me.

Ano nga namang mahirap sa pag-iwan sa isang hamak na braso? I mean, masyado nga namang nakakahiyang magpahintay sa isang tao. Maiintindihan naman nung iiwanan mo, diba? Masasaktan nga lang naman siya :(.

Tapos si busy Guvriel naman ang kinausap ko. And it hit me again.

May future pala si Gub as a guidance counsilor :).

Pero nakatulong siya :)

Wala na kong masabi. Bahala na ang Diyos. Nahinto ng onti yung kagustuhan kong mamatay kasi at least alam ko ung halaga ko. Di ko lang alam kung bakit GANUN...

You might think I'm happy, but I'm not gonna be okay =).

2008-10-22T17:25:00.000+08:00

Ako: Kaya mo bang iwanan ang braso mo?
Squidball: In what sense?
Ako: In a literal sense.

And dance forever-ever-ever ever-ever-ever and so on...

2008-10-21T17:09:00.000+08:00

Wala akong maisip na title... Buksan natin ang aking imeem :).

Ayun. Meron na... WANTUTREEPOR... ICHUENMIBLABLABLABLABLA.

Sapukin nyo nga ko, nasisiraan na ko ng bait.

Tapos na exams. Ang ewan mo talaga. Naglaro lang kami nila Christian nung Friday, 'di ko na kukwento kung anong nangyari kasi kasama si Reginald, at alam kong panira lang yun ng isang napakagandang post :). Oo, pakyu ka. Wala lang :).

May curfew na ako. Tama ba spelling? Ewan, ngayon lang kasi yan maidadagdag sa bokabularyo ko. Ung curfew(*shudders*) na un, base naman sa dami ng aking gagawin. Kung maglalaro lang naman ako, maaga nalang ako matutulog. Kundi ako sumunod, magwawala ng todong-todong-todo ang nanay ko at baka mastroke pa. Ayoko naman nun diba? Matapos nun ay lalapain ako ng buhay ng aking pamilya at hihilingin kong di na ako nabuhay kahit kailan. OO, welcome to my life :). Sukdulang di ko na gagawin ung reflection ko sa Theo(Friday nalang, puta ka) para lang 'di ako bulyawan ng nanay ko e. Sobra-sobra na ung dramang napakita nya. Di naman ako ganun ka-gago bilang isang anak para ibale-wala parin ung nakakainis na drama na un(medyo nasobrahan e, kaya nairita ako ng onti :))).

BASTA MABIGAT ANG LOOB KO. 'DI DAHIL DUN, MARAMI PANG IBANG DAHILAN, 'DI KO LANG ALAM KUNG ANONG DAHILAN :|.

Itulog nalang natin 'to.

E pano ba yan. Jumajanvic(tangina nyo di ako natutuwa, sumasakay lang ako para di madagdagan ang problema ko) na ang mga grades ko. Kaya lang malabo kung sinong top 1 sa klase namen. Malamang na si Tan na, pero di pa obvious. Di ko rin alam kung sinong top 2. Kasi may kaniya-kaniya kaming "highest," sila Math, English, Science, Theology... Sabay akin, Soc. Sci. Wow. Masyado naman akong bigaten. Let's kiss that spot goodbye now, shall we? Nilubus-lubus ko naman ang perks ng pagiging top 1 e. Kuntento na ko. Pero sana makabawi pa >:). Haha.

Nag Aptitude test kami. Pero ang highlight dun ay ung walang kasawa-sawang pamimicture ng aking section. Simula palang ng araw, vain na vain na silang lahat. Hanggang dismissal ganun paren. Takte. Haha.

Puro med-related yung mga sinagot ko e. Kaya lang minsan sinasabi ko gusto ko ng algebra at basic geom, haha. Pero karamihan naman ng sagot ko pambobola lang para mapunta ako sa Pre-Med. Oo, UP tayo, dude. Swertihan nalang kung makapasa :)). Kung walang pag-asa, edi wala na talaga. Just remember to say hi to my neighbors at Pasig River =D. (Oo, pa-awa effect yan para magdonate kayo para sa aking college tuition fee =D. HAHAHA.)

Tangina. Patayin nyo na nga ako. Ayoko nang mabuhay. Nakakainis, ewan ko kung baket :|.

(Lalagay ko sana dito "GM" kasi nasanay na akong ganun, pero naalala kong blog post pala 'to. Haha.)

In this kingdom by the sea.

2008-10-13T18:26:00.000+08:00

The other day my computer crashed. Pro'lly 'cause I leave it open 24/7 only to satisfy Christian's insatiable thirst for entertainment. Then again, why can't the freakin' endure a little pain? I mean, I can. Well I guess you can't expect any form of prudence and perseverance from inanimate objects. Heh, wtf am I talking about? This computer's simply fucking up.

I was supposed to post another dramatic, heart-crippling post, but I guess it's not effective if the emotion isn't freshly delivered from a Saturday. So yeah.

Edi ayun. Exams na nga pala, at alam mo bang nagawa ko pang makipagDota kay Rodolfo? Oo, talagang gago ako. Alam mo ba kung baket? Kasi may GICP exam pa kong dapat na inaatupag at TLE exam na dapat na minumura ngaun. Pero anong ginagawa ko sa buhay ko? Wala. Hinahangad ko lang na pagkagising ko bukas ~~hindi ang mukha ni Reginald ang gugulinta sa akin. Baka mawala lang ang gana kong kumuha ng exam~~ meron na akong GICP exam at nasimulan ko na ung TLE "movie" ko. Wala pa akong topic, wala pa akong slogan, pero at least napagana ko ang utak ko. Alam nyo kung bakit? Ikukwento ko para sainyo.

Nabasa ko kasi ung status message ni Jemar, at nagGM ako na pasaway siya dahil di daw dapat siya nagiinternet ngaun. Dinagdag kong isa siyang piglet, at tinanong ni Jason kung bakit. Pumasok sa utak ko ang ngayong naging Alamat ng Jemar. Tapos nagGM naman si Allen tungkol sa Ateneo fair, yung mga even na tipikal na pinupuntahan ng isang party person, at pumasok nanaman sa utak ko ang naging Alamat ng Allen. Aking ipinapangakong gagawin ko 'tong alamat na 'to sa sembreak. Pangako ko yan!

Hahaha. Medyo magsisimula na ung exams nung dumating ako kanina, kaya di ko na natulungan sa Science sila Christian at Rodolfo. Nakita kong magkasama sila ni Reginald, at sabi nya, "Laro daw tayo bukas, tayong tatlo ni Maluya, silang tatlo ni blablablabla." Basta un. E, ew, ayokong makilala ung mga kaibigan ni Reginald, ayoko ring maging close si Maluya at Reginald kasi baka mauwi 'to sa pagsama niya samin tuwing lunch. Takte, ayoko nun, isa nga sa mga dahilan ko kung ba't kela Christian ako sumasama kasi masahol ang ugali ni Reginald kung minsan. 'Di ko lang talaga siya maatim. PAKYU KA :)). E takte, di daw sila pupunta. Ok lang sana kung 3 on 1 e o AI nalang kakampi ni Reg, pero kung GG nalang kami, ayokong 4 on 4 na kakampi si Reginald :)). Ayoko ring 2 on 2 na kalaban ko si Christian, Maluya o both. Baket? Kasi ayokong kalabanin ung bestfriend ko, ayoko ring maging kakampi ni Reg si Maluya, dahil sabi ko nga, ayokong maging close sila. Ayoko rin namang kakampi si Reginald, kasi given na un.

IN SHORT, SAKIM AKO. MASANAY NA KAYO, Ayoko lang talaga kay Reg :)).

'Di naman sa kinamumuhian ko siya, ayoko lang na kasama siya kasi mapapaaway lang talaga ako, at may sidedish pang panira ng araw. So yun, pagpasensyahan nyo nalang ako :)).

Hay nako, bahala na si Batman. Basta, 'di ako papayag na mahiwalay. Yun na yun :)).

Alam niyo bang lalagyan ko nalang ng onting drama, master ko na ang O Captain! My Captain!? Oo, at onting polishing nalang memorize ko na ang Annabel Lee. Oo, ganun ako kagaling, pakyu ka. Hahaha. But seriously, there is so much beauty in poetry that it is much more appealing than prose. Kaya nga mas nakakabisa ko ang kagahabang poems kesa sa walang kwentang piyesa ko para sa Filipino project namin e. Haha.

YOU'RE MY ANNABEL LEE, *****. I <3 U SO MUCH.

Oo, gagi, patay na patay na ko sayo. At sikretong malupet nalang kung sino siya. Si Christian lang ang makakaalam nun, at kahit ano pang hula mo't mahalata mo, 'di ko sasabihin kung sino siya. Eto lang ang clue na mabibigay ko sayo: Cute siya. Yun lang. :))

And I'll take the truth at any cost.

2008-10-09T18:37:00.000+08:00

Meeh, I just want to kill some time while I mourn over my emptiness for the nth time. I should be doing a report about the fallofmotherfuckingfeudalism, but I'd rather be here talking to you about my lowly problems. And so, before I begin broadcasting my sorrow, I give you this thing I grabbed this from Allen 'cause I'm retarded in nature, it just so happened that everyone else is more of a retard than I am =D.

1. YOUR REAL NAME:
» Jan Victor Sebastian Garcia (Whoo, magkakastalker na ko. Murder me!!!)

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of your first name plus izzle):
» Janizzle. wtfok...

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color and favorite animal):
» Blue Shit...zu/Bitch (Walang originality kung blue dog nanaman =P)

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:(your middle name and street you live on):
» Sebastian Rose... Waha, okay :)).

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name):
» Garja. Nyek, pang alien :)).

6. YOUR SUPERHERO/CRIMINAL NAME: (Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite drink):
» Black Softdrink (Coke-man/Pepsi-man/RC-man/Sarsi-man, in short. 'Di yan ang favorite drink ko, wala lang talaga akong maisip)

7. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your Last name, 1st letter of your last name, 2nd letter of your mom's maiden name, 3rd letter of your dad's name, 1st letter of a sibling's first name, and last letter of your mom's first name):
» Argabjg (Ipinagkait ang vowels, letter A lang ang ipinagkaloob saakin. I challenge you, pronounce THAT =)))

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (parent's middle names before marriage):
» Topacio Paglingayen

9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pet):
» Black ________ (Wala akong pet, leche ka. :)))

We Are Broken - Paramore

Ewan, ewan, ewan, ewan...

EWAN KO, PUTA =(!

Bakit ba? My words turn out as the exact opposite upon uttering them for some odd reason. Just when I say and believe that "everything's fine, I don't have any problems," the following day, end up being bruised by fallacy, misconceptions and overestimation. My life's a load of bullshit, and I can't help but fret over little stuff. I'm pathetic. Period.

Haha, I'm retarded :(. I'd opt being excruciatingly gloomy over these kinds of stuff rather than dreadfully mourning about a failing mark :|. Seriously, I think life'sbut a dramatically overrated concept. Success and failure is trivial. What really matters is what matters for you, and for me, all I wanted, all that mattered to me was the truth, knowing my worth, the assurance that you won't leave me behind cold and unwanted, all alone this nightmare called "life."

I guess this is His wrath upon my pety existence. Knowing that the truth, the actions that speak in context, is what I never wanted it to be is a punishment that damages my sanity to the maximal extent. It pains me to know that you can and you did. Not once but probably even twice in one day. I don't know. It's as if I'm useless no matter how hard I try... Please, if acknowledgement meant having to serve a purpose of satisfying one's material needs, then please, just kill me now.

I've degraded myself, chasing someone who slips away so effortlessly, being a friend because of my assets and not because of who I am. Shit. I just hope I'm lying. I just hope I'm dreaming. I just hope that I'll wake up tomorrow and everything will be fine. I just hope that everything would change, and only for the better. I've given my best, I exerted every effort in helping, I tried so hard, but in the end, it's as if everything's nothing to you :(. I try to be your best friend, but whatever I do, no matter how much I sacrifice, there's bound to be someone better for you who doesn't even try.

I'M PATHETIC =(.

Sorry kung sorry ako ng sorry kahit wala akong kasalanan. Sorry kung nakukulitan ka na sakin. Sorry kung ang OA ko na. Sorry kung di kita matulungan minsan. Sorry kung naabala kita minsan. Sorry kung nagiging pabigat lang ako. Sorry kung napipilitan ka lang :(. Sorry kung naiinis ka na sa sobrang pagka-OA ko :(. Kung naiirita ka lang sa mga sinabi ko, please, sorry na. Kalimutan mo nalang yung mga sinabi ko. Ayokong dumating ang araw na inaway ko na yung buong mundo at wala na akong matatakbuhang kaibigan =(. Sorry talaga. Ang gusto ko lang naman kasi ay ang katotohanan e, kasi minsan parang wala lang ako sayo pag anjan na sa harap mo yung ibang tao. Parang anjan lang ako pag wala nang iba, pag may kailangan ka. Ewan. Sorry kung mali ang mga nasabi ko. Sana nga OA lang ako. ‘Di ko kasi alam ang takbo ng utak mo e :(...

Yun lang. Pasensya na, pinanganak akong paranoid e.

Pakyu =D.

2008-10-08T18:47:00.000+08:00

Alam mo bang gago ka? Oo, ikaw. Gago ka. Baket? Kasi sabi ko. Pero sa totoo lang, trip ko lang sabihin gago ka. Kaya wag mong seryosohin lalo na kung alam mong ikaw yung taong 'di ko masasabihan ng ganun kahit kelan.

Haha. I don't know you na 'cause I'm so infamous na eh, you know, sikat?. Sikat na sikat. Kulang nalang ay makilala ako ng mga magugulo ng 3-30 at 3-31. Sikat na ko sa 32 at 33 e. Anlaki ng problema ng mga tao sa San Beda. Masyado nila akong binibigyan ng 'di kinakailangang atensyon kahit nananahimik lang ako sa isang sulok. Haha. Gago lang naman ako kung pinansin ko pa sila, diba? At least alam kong may isa o dalawang taong mas pipiliing manahimik nalang para 'di naman ako ma-provoke na magbigti =)). Salamat :).

Basta, darating rin ang araw, mga gago kayo. Makakahanap din kayo ng katapat nyo. Every single one of you is as flawed as I am. Tandaan niyo yan :)). If you think you're perfect, then screw you. Haha, bago niyo ko titigan, tanungin nyo muna ang sarili nyo: Puta, sino lang ba ako? I'll wait for the day I pass by your little carton box, beaten up and begging for alms at Binondo.

Why Binondo? 'Cause it rhymes with conyo, and you alam nyo naman na I totally worship the diyus-diyusan of Conyoness eh, Allen Lemence =D. Hahaha. Peaceeee. :)))

Tangina, ampanget talagang pakinggan ang conyo :)). No offense, Allen :)). Sinasabi ko lang, parang bagay lang siya dun sa mga malalanding teen-prosti sa tabi-tabi na makapal ang make-up at isang inch lang ang palda. Belt lang ba? :)) Di nga. Nung graduation ng ate ko, mga ganun yung nakatabi ko e. Ang sarap nilang pagsisisipain at pagsasaksakin :)). Pero no offense talaga kay Allen o kung kanino mang pa-conyo epek jan, sakanila lang ako nainis, 'di senyo :)). Pramis =D.

My exaggerated efforts of making a better-than-anyone-else's MTV finally paid off. The best MTV in 3-33 got a grade of 95(-20 for being late, sad) while my free-of-charge editing skills got me "us" a grade of 97 =D. Haha.Yabang ko. But seriously, I'm glad that the killer headache (which was the excruciating aftereffect of one's deprivation from sleep) didn't go to waste =D.

~~Ang nakakatuwa pa dun, yung iba, nagbayad pa kasi pina-edit sa iba pero ako, sariling sikap, mas mataas pa! Bwahaha, yabang.~~

But let us never forget the one who created this world so beautifully, the one with true innate talent, to God by the glory. Amen, I say to you!

Hehehe. Partida, pasmado pa talaga ung mga kuha ko. I thought that when Sir Dedace asked who the cameraman/men were, he was going to scold us for the shaky footage. Instead, he commended the fact that the clips were taken at a nice angle. If only I was able to establish a more comprehensible plot, we could've gotten more. Haha, but I'm already contented with what I've earned. Thank you po. Lord.

I slept at 4 AM last night in an attempt to finish my Music Q.E./Project. I was able to finish the pre-colonization and the colonization part, and I opted to finish the comparison with European arts part at school. I mean, if I continued to do it here, I'd be eating breakfast as soon as I finish. Nag-ring na nga yung alarm ng nanay ko nung patulog na ko e. Hahaha.

Then again I didn't really feel sleepy. Actually, I stayed up so late 'cause when I got home, I immediately slept and woke up around 6:41 PM. Then I experienced and excruciating headache (as mentioned above). I drank Biogesic and slept up to 10:30. So yeah, I was able to savor every Cream-O which aided in keeping me alive through the morning.

O yun nalang. Tinatamad na kong ituloy e. :)) Wala naman akong masyadong problema kaya 'di ako makagawa ng isang post na punong puno ng panunuya't muhi.

Ever evident officiousness.

2008-10-06T20:19:00.000+08:00

Okayyy. It's almost October 7 and I'm still up. I'm waiting for this freakin' movie to be exported into an .avi file so that I could burn it into this friggin' DVD-R. Fuck, 12,000 frames is taking too long to be rendered. RENDERING palang yan, puta. Nakakagago.

Pagpasok ko palang sa school, nagbell na. 'Di na ko nakatambay sa 32 ng matagal. Hahaha. May matinding after-effect ung matinding pagpupuyat ko kaninang umaga e. Parang sarado ung utak ko, walang pumapasok na matinong impormasyon. Edi yun, 'di na ko nakanakaw ng iglip sa kahit anong sabjek kasi kinukulayan ko pa ung Math mural ko. Haha, pang Yellow Cab e, adik kasi ung mga sinasuggest na kulay ni Christian. Well, nakatulong naman siya e. Salamat =D.

Malapit ko nang matapos un nung lunch e. Tatapusin ko sana nung Filipino, pero si Ms. Adriano ba naman ang nagsub. Pinunit nga ni ma'am ung mural ni Suba, collage nga daw e, sabi ni Daryll :)). Tinapos ko nalang bago dumating si ma'am, tinulungan pa ko ni Lucy =D. Bait nun minsan, minsan weird, ewan ko dun :)). Pagkatapos nun, 'di ako makaporma sa Theo e, parinig ng parinig si Sir :|. Well excuse me for neglecting my responsibility in a subject that gives no effect to my religious life whatsoever. Kasi naman diba, 'di ako Katoliko, at 'di lang naman yang takteng reflection ang iniintindi ko diba? Assignment nga lang yan e, ung pinagpuyatan ko hanggang 3 AM ay dalawang project sa, ehem, major subject. Tsaka ngayon lang ako 'di nagpasa ng reflection, ngayon lang ako "nagkasala," todo tampon ka naman. Tsaka, oy, nakikinig sana ako. Gago lang talaga si Reggie. Patabi-tabi pa sakin kasi si Daryll at Mationg kung saan-saan umuupo. Edi bawat parinig ni sir inaamplify ng gagong un. Puta, kung 'di lang ako sisitahin pag binugbog ko siya sa harapan ni sir, ginawa ko na e. Fuck you, Reg :). Haha. Nakakainis lang talaga siya minsan :|. He was trying so hard to act all cool, mysterious and appealing. Shit, he failed. Haha, 'di bagay sa kanya, at di angkop sa itsura nya diba? Tangina, drop the act, Reginald. You're no better than any other fucktard down Whore Alley.

Nung nakauwi na ko, binuksan ko yung computer sabay higa. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na yun? Staying up so late then getting all the sleep you want after an exhausting day? The feeling of waking up so refreshed and all felt as good as a long-anticipated or after months of experiencing wet dreams =)). Pagkagising ko, nagrestart ata siya. Iniwan ko ba namang nasa log-in page, edi nagloko. Medyo nagwala pa nga siya e, pinapahinga ko ng onti bago buksan ulit. Sa awa naman ng Diyos, gumana ulit.

Edi yun, nalagyan ko na ng credits 'tong MTV namen. Walang masyadong "bloopers," pinuno ko nalang ung buong "Let the Flames Begin" by Paramore ng mga medyo nakakatuwang eksena.

Nung nabasa ko ung multiply ni Bea, sabi ko sa sarili ko "Shit, 'eto na ata ang pinakamagandang paninira sa mga teacher na nabasa ko sa buong buhay ko. 'Di ko 'to kayang tapatan!" Wahaha. Dadagdag nalang ako: Mas may karapatan pa ata ang mga public school teacher na magpahirap ng estudyante nila e. Bakit? Kasi karamihan sa mga tinuturuan nila ay mga ingratang tatamad-tamad at tatanga-tangang 'di nagbabayad para makapag-aral. Ilang beses sa isang buwan lang sila nakakakupit sa GSIS e pero tinatiyaga nalang nila... Okay, 'di ko na madugtungan. My statement is not as striking as Bea's, so that's a big FAIL for... you =D.

NAMIMISS KO NA UNG DUMBELL NILA MALUYA.

Wahaha. Dugyot lang talaga kami :)).

Next time magi-Ingles nalang ako, para magmukha akong matalino =D. Walang sense yung mga pinagsasasabi ko ngayon e. HAHA.

Haha. Matutulog na nga ako. Hahapitin ko nalang yung pagburn nito mamaya. Maaabutan nanaman ako ng service nito e. Hahahaha.

Rubicund... It's the word of the day :|.

2008-10-05T12:41:00.000+08:00

May bulletin sa friendster na naghahamak dun sa isang second year. Di ko alam kung totoo ung storya o hindi, basta totoo daw ung tao. Haha.

Alam mo. Kung binasted ka lang naman, bobo lang ang magpapakamatay. I mean, did she ever love you back? No (Kaya ka nga magpapakamatay kasi di ka niya minahal diba). What's there to die for? Dami daming babae jan e. Di mo na kinailangang gumawa pa ng bulleting, peste naman, di kami tanga para magsuicide attempt din :)). Case closed.

Hahahaha. Makaaway nalang e :)). Di ko naman kilala. Di naman siguro makakaganti un kasi for contacts only 'tong blog ko. Hahahaha.

Alam nyo bang tumataba na ko? Oo, kumakain na rin kasi ako minsan pag lunch kasi parang butas na ung bituka ko =)). Joke lang yun, pero minsan, masarap lang talagang kumain pag gutom ka.

Sinimulan ko nang iedit ung MTV namin para sa English nung isang araw. Tatapusin ko sana kagabi pero ayaw kong mapuyat. Wa-epek din, inaantok rin ako sa Church. Lord, forgive me, I'll try my best to get enough sleep this sem-break. Malapit na po un, don't worry :D.

Waaaah. Tinamad na kong tapusin ung pageedit. Naubusan na kasi ako ng videos na ilalagay. Baka di ko pa matapos ung kanta, nabigay ko na ung buong storya. Karamihan kasi sa mga clips na nashoot namen ay mga bloopers na di naman gaanong nakaktawa tapos pinavideo pa saken ung pagmake-up kay Adrea bilang isang multo. Kaya un, ang onti lang ng may sense talga. Ta's ung tripod ni Adrea antukin, bigla nalang titingala, kaya kelangan kong hawakan, e pasmado pa naman ako. Edi un, medyo Shakey's ung ibang scene. Sabi ng professor ng English teacher namin na graduate daw from Oxford University, it's pronounced as sha-kees. Haha. Basta may pizza dun. Huling kain ko dun ay nung buhay pa un sa Ever e, miss ko na ung kung ano mang meron dun. Ayaw naman ng pamilya ko dun, at kung lalabas naman kami ng mga kaibigan ko, hanggang Jollibee lang siguro kami, sagot ko pa ung isa sa kanila :)). Hahaha, at that rate, wala parin daw siyang pera :)).

Nung birthday ni Osit, namblow-out siya. Ampanget kaya kung sa school ka mangboblow-out. I mean, why have a cookie-banana shake and large sour cream fries when you could have so much more in a more decent fast food chain. Haha, seryoso, shake, chippy, popsicle, pamasahe sa tricycle, happy birthday? Wahaha. Ampanget kaya nun. Haha, angal pa ko e, ako na nga ung nilibre. Salamat Osit! Harhar.

Nung araw na yun (Thursday), may lecheng activity period pa. Kinukulit nga ko ni Terence nung assembly na sumali sa Debating Society e. They need my megabashing, warfreak attitude in their club. Sabi ko naman "Tanungin mo si Christian," sabi naman niya "Tanungin mo si Reggie." Haha, dapat talaga kumpleto :)). ~~Pero... (sikreto lang natin 'to a) okay lang naman sakin kahit wala si Reggie e, naiinis talaga ako dun minsan :)). Andun naman si Miguel e =)))))~~; HAHA. JOKE LANG UN. :)). ~~Jokes are half-meant nga pala. Haha.~~ Edi un, English club paren. Boring activity planning. Haha. Nag-overtime pa kami ng onti kaya un. Nakakaasar, di tuloy ako nakasabay agad sa service. Dapat aalis na kami e, e gutom ako at magboblowout si Calvin, kaya sabi ko 5:30 nalang ako. Ta's un, blowout ni Calvin. Pagkaalis nila Christian, bigla ko nalang naalala na kelangan ko pa palang sumamba. Kung hinintay ko pa ang 5:30, di na ko aabot, kaya nagcommute nalang kami ni Calvin, libre paren nya :D. Sa tricycle, nakita ko si Cabuang, nakatambay dun sa may mga tricycle. Sa Burol, nakita namin si Ms. Noble, nakatricycle papuntang kung saan man. Tapos sumakay kami ng jeep papuntang Cubao. Bumaba na si Calvin. Sa Cypress sana ako bababa e, pero buo pera ko kaya naisipan kong bumili ng Peach Mango Pie sa Jollibee Makro. Pagkatingin ko sa labas, lagpas na ko sa Makro! Shet, edi papara agad ako. E gago ung mga nakasakay TINITIGAN LANG BA NAMAN AKO NUNG SINISIGAW KO NA UNG "PARA." Fucker naman o. Nakaabot pa ng Caltex. Puta, naglakad pa ko, nakita ko ung service nila Christian, pabalik na galing Vista Verde. Puta, hahaha. Ta's sumakay na ko ng jeep nung may barya na ko, nakita ko naman ung service ko habang nasa jeep galing Riverside. Ta's natripan kong itext na nakita ko siya. Nakaabot pa naman ako sa Church, pero as usual, binugbog ako sa pagod. Sorry talaga, Lord :((((((.

Nung Friday parang half-day na rin. May seminar tungkol sa MMDA at driving bullshit. E diba ilang araw na kong antok na antok, natulog nalang ako, pero nahuli pa ko ni ma'am kaya pinilit ko nalang magising. Actually, di ako pinayagang makatulog ni Daryll. Pinagtripan niya ko kasi nasa likod ko siya. Inusog-usog nya't pinaghahamablos ung upuan ko habang naka-upo ako, edi un, free Realto. Nakakagago nga e.

Edi un, kahapon naman. Pinilit ko ung sarili ko na sumama kela Christian sa bahay nila Maluya kasi trip ko lang. Di talaga ako productive sa bahay. Edi naghintay ako sa Cypress, sumakay kami ni Christian papuntang Tropical. Sa Mercury Drug, bumili kami ng kung ano-ano, muntik ko na ngang maiwanan ung bag ko kung di kami bumalik para bumili ng maiinom e. Hinintay namin si Kyle sa Tropical Hut, yun pala nasa Tropical hut siya, ung malapit sa Siena! Kaya di na siya tumuloy, haha. Tawa nalang kami ta's tumuloy na kami sa bahay nila Jr. Puro pangmayaman ung bahay sa ********. I will not disclose any part of his address for security reasons. Pag nanakawan pa sila, baka kasalanan ko pa yun. Haha. Parang village east lang e, pero walang skwater at karamihan ng bahay maganda. Haha. Yung bahay nila ready for halloween na e, ta's andaming rebultong ewan sa loob. Nung bata ako takot na takot ako sa mga ganun e, lalo na ung pic ni Mama Mary sa RPN :)). Wala kaming nagawa dun. NagDotA lang si Maluya habang gumawa kami ni Christian ng Math design. Si Matias naman, tagasabi ng "bobo." Haha. Nakikain kami ta's umalis nung natapos maglaro si Christian ng Generals. Ta's umuwi na kami, nagJollibee muna kami kasi gutom paren ako. Haha, buti nga at di na nagkanin si Christian e, abswelto ako sa gastos. Hahaha. Umulan pa nga e, pero bumili ako ng burger sa Jollibee Parola ta's nung pagkalabas ko wala nang ulan :)

Pagkauwi ko, narealize kong...

NAIS KONG BUMALIK KELA MALUYA.

Haha, wala lang. May dumbell kasi sila, e epektibo un :)). Ung samin kasi, pangdugyot. Ewan ko kung san un napulot ng tatay ko, kaya fixed weight lang siya at magaan lang. Tsk tsk tsk.

HAHA. SISIMULAN KO NA NGA UNG LECHENG MATH NA YAN. ANDAMI KO PANG GAGAWIN E.

"Pakamatay na tayo." -Bea

Absence of verbiage.

2008-09-29T11:39:00.000+08:00

Ayoko munang mag-Ingles, kaya lang baka ma-conyonize ako e, so, like, bear with me nalang. Ew konyo :)).

Nagshooting kami ng huling shooting sa studio para sa project namin sa English, pumunta pa kami kela Adrea kasi walang keyboard sa studio kaya kinailangan kong sumama sa kanila sa carshow para makauwi, baka kasi mawala pa ako o maholdap. Sayang, ayaw lang talaga kasing sumama ni Christian e, 'di na sana ako pupunta pero 'di talaga ipinahintulot ng panahon. Tsk tsk tsk...

Gutom na ko, pero wala pa ata ung katulong namin... Ay... Katulong pala namin ung nagbukas ng pinto kanina. Edi andito na siya... Pero tinatamad akong kumain e. Baka di masarap, kaya magsusulat nalang ako para sainyo :).

Alam nyo ba na pag walang masarap na pagkain sa pamamahay na 'to ay naghahanap ako ng Tipas Hopia o Yum! Burger ng Jollibee? At eto ang malupet, naghahanap ako nito pag imposibleng makakuha nito, at pag nasa harap ko na, gusto ko na siyang isuka :)). Pero mas nasusuka na talaga ako dun sa mga pagkaing paboritong paborito ko nung bata palang ako: Chorizo, Luncheon Meat, sunny-side-up egg at marami pang iba. Amoy pa lang, gusto ko nang dumuwal kahit ano pang sarap ng mga cholesterol at kemikal nyan, di ko maaatim na maamoy ang mga pagkaing yan, sinusuka sila ng sistema ko.

Haha, hopia. Naalala ko ung section ko ng first year. I-Hope Batch 09. Naki-uso kami sa mga korning PEACEkulers at Funky FAITHers. Gumawa kami ng sariling amin: Hot Hopea. Korny na kung korny, basta korny talaga :)). Naalala ko ung pamatay naming teacher sa Araling Panlipunan, si Angelo Venus. Sa RiSci ako natutong mangopya, manggulang at magpakatamad ng lubusan. Laging 85 ang grade ko sa pesteng historia na yan e. At para sa iyong kaalaman, 85 ay passing mercy na. 84 and below = bagsak. Kaya nga tumakas na ko sa kabaliwan ng Binangonan bago pa ko tuluyang mabaliw e. Simula nun, napunta ako sa 2-22 St. Romuald at 'di nagtagal ay naging kaibigan ko si Christian na naging idolo at modelo ko sa pagiging isang dakilang tamad. HAHA. Alam nyo kung ba't ako pumayat sa San Beda? Nainspire ata ako ni Christian na magwork-out e, pero 'di siya ung dahilan kung ba't ko ginutom ang sarili ko hanggang maging sobrang payat na ko, trip ko lang talaga yun :)).

HAHA, now I'm wondering why I'm even sharing even the most useless of personal information.

There are numerous conflicts in my section and sadly, I'm the one who starts them :)). I don't know why, but I'm always irritable to almost everyone around me but to one person. Kilala nyo na siya. Kahit sa magulang ko naiirita ako kung minsan e, kaya nung ginulo ako nung isa kong kaklase tungkol sa tickets, nairita ako. Aba sori nalang kung ayaw mong makarinig ng mura, masanay nalang kayo kasi di siguro mawawala ang problema ko.

Ano nga ba ang problema ko? Ewan ko nga e, kaya ko sanang maging mabait sa ibang tao kung may isang bagay na di gumugulo sa pamumuhay at pagiisip ko. Ano nga ba yun? Teka lang, kukunin ko sa archives :)). Sinabi ko un kay Marielle e kasi wala si Michi na hinihingan ko ng virtual huggg :)). Let me quote:

'Di ko alam, Marielle, kung anong pusisyon ko sa buhay ng iba, kung anong halaga ko sa taong mahalaga sakin, kung sadyang di lang kayang mailagay sa salita ang depinisyon ng pagkakaibigan. 'Di ko alam, Marielle, kung may saysay ba 'tong lahat, kung ang nagawa ko para sa isang tao ay may naging epekto. Kung mamatay man ako ngayon, 'di ko alam kung may iiyak, kung may magluluksa, kung may makakaalala sakin bilang isang taong di nila mabibitawan. 'Di ko alam, Marielle, kung ang kaisa isang taong kinakapitan ko ay kayang bumitaw... o kelan man ay di ako iiwan. 'Di ko alam, Marielle, 'di ko alam... Kung ang katotohanan ay ang aking nakikitang di maganda ngayon... Ayoko nang mabuhay

Oo, halos yan ung mga sinabi ko. Type lang ako ng type e, sa una 'di nakakatulong si Marielle e, pero nung kinalaunan ay may nasabi siyang tama at nagpasalamat nalang ako. Haha, psycho ata ako e, 'di ko alam kung ba't bigla nalang akong magdadrama e. Wag nyo nalang akong pansinin :)). Pero sana nakuha nyo ang nais kong iparating. Basta, 'di ako naghahanap ng madaming kaibigan, ika nga ng ate ko "I choose quality over quantity." Kahit isa lang masaya na ko, basta alam ko ang totoo. Ang problema, 'di ko alam ang totoo :|. Kaya mahirap talaga ang buhay, kelangan nating mabuhay ng 'di nalalaman ang lahat, kelangan nating mabuhay ng may tiwala sa mga taong mahalaga sayo. Ewan, basta yun na yun.

Farewell.

Plausible acts of beneficence for my friends.

2008-09-21T19:35:00.000+08:00

My blog is now completely for contacts only.

I was so ignorant for posting from my blogger account, unable to set my latest posts for contact-only consumption. But yeah, I'm posting from multiply from now on so that I could quickly set the privacy of my blog's content. I'm possibly shutting down my blogger forever and ever, but hey, who knows?

I wasn't really planning on posting this late at night 'cause I'm busy estimating if I would successfully be able to cram 2 assignments tomorrow, namely, Chemistry and Theology. (Pardon me if I'm about to break my English-speaking momentum but it feels a lot more dramatic when I say it in Filipino. Besides, it possesses a greater impact.) Sinusuka ko ang asignaturang Teyolohia. Alriiiiight, I just fail in spelling Filipino words, a lot. Haha, what can I say? Filipino's my weakspot (accompanied by Social Studies under the care of Mrs. Yolly and the Dreadful Angelo Venus). Anyway, the reason I bothered posting something was because I lifted my bag without my Theo book and notebook and it felt so fucking light. What does that mean? It's a prophetic sign that Catechism, Catholic Theology and other insignificant religious beliefs (in my life, I mean. No offense.) are a big burden to my studies, let alone my future! Sheeeesh, I have my own religion, for Pete's sake. If I could just sleep my ass off during Theology classes without gigantic lines of 7 in my conduct and academic grades bothering my whole future, I might just do that. Too bad I can't :|. E pano pa kaya kung pinagpala ako't sa Ateneo nakapasok. Mas malala pa Theo dun, no? XD

Haha, ewan ko ba. Basta mangongopya nalang ako bukas, promise ko yan :)). Mabuti na rin yun para masalpak ko na rin sa locker 'tong pesteng libro na 'to at mawala na ang nagpapabigat ng bag ko!

I don't work well neither under time pressure nor when I'm given a hell lot of time. Haha, I'm the worst kind of worker there is. The optimal worktime for someone like me's around 9PM and above. From the moment I wake up on a liesure-ful weekend to the time that my parents start nagging at me, I don't find any motivation to start any of my assignments, especially when I'm faced with those damned reflections. Haha, a single insignificant element that is loss would be a major factor for my procrastination to kick in. See, if I don't have a ballpen and my mom won't immediately give me one, I'd stop asking and start slacking off despite the fact that there's a truckload of schoolwork ahead of me. Same goes with our English project. Ha, I've already downloaded Adobe Premiere Pro CS3 but since I don't know how to replace music into a video or even mount an image so that I could use a cracked non-trial version, I'll be waiting when the deadline's just hourrsssss awayyyyy. Unless you want to help me out here, that'd be cool :D.

So yeah, speaking of our English project, we taped the second-to-the-last part of it yesterday. All we need now is the video of "the band" playing with instruments then off to the editing room I go! 3-32 started their class Chemistry project while we haven't! Relevance? Oh yeah, Christian was obliged to go to school, he was late and helped out only a little. We planned on playing DotA or something near Reginald's (I still fucking hate him, though ;)) beforehand, so I told him to go to Laureen's house and wait for us to finish. Masyadong mahiyain ung taong un O_O, di pumasok ng bahay, hinintay nalang kaming matapos sa labas. Haha. Matatapos na e, medyo nagkamali pa sa huling scene at uultin nalang sana pero biglang nag low-bat kaya pwede na rin un. Naiwan ko nga ung baril na hiniram pa ng mga magulang ko sa anak ng kakilala nila e para sa props namen. Haha. Ayos lang, pero ang malupet ay ang NAWALA KO UNG PUTANGINANG 8GB FLASH DISK NAMEN. Syeeeet, di ko talaga alam kung sano ko nalapag un. All I know is that before I went to Lau's, I put it in my pocket, and when Christian came, I told him that he should get it now but he refused. It's not his fault. Actually, when I offered to give him the fucking flash drive, his response was so immediate that I didn't even bother looking for it inside my pocket. Hence, I'm not sure if it was even with me when I was at Lau's. Shit, I just wish I had the power to detect where certain things are. I badly need it. Kayang kaya ko namang palitan un e, kaso lang, ang naipon ko ay 1,400 at mga 1,500 siguro ang 8GB USB FD. Ok naman diba? Kaso reregaluhan ko pa si Christian at Reggie para sa pasko at sa birthday pa ni Christian. Hala, san ako kukuha ng pera? Hahaha. Patay na. Natutulad na ko sa ate ko nung sinuot ko ung mga unisex nyang damit na nalibre lang nya pag may sinasalihan siya sa Ateneo. Nagiging balajurs narin ako. (Balajur = terminong ginagamit sa sambahayanang Garcia upang ilarawan ang isang tamad at makalat na tao. Isang kakaibang pagpapamorpoponemiko ng salitang "balahura." Ewan ko sa ate ko, nakikigaya lang ako :))) Pagpapamorpoponemiko? Okay, I officially FAIL at Filipino. Forgive me, dearest Lim :)).

Aun, basta nilakad namin ni Christian mula La Mirasol hanggang gate ng Golden City. Nagtitipid e. Haha, ta's medyo natagalan pa ung pagdating ng jeepney na dadaan sa Village East at medyo maluwag. Ta's bumaba kami sa Makro para magLUNCH sa Jollibee kasi kuripot sila Reggie, 'di nagpapakain. NagDotA lang kami hanggang sa dumating si Reggie at nag Fight of Characters at iba pang mapa ang nilaro namin. Haha, nagsawa na kasi kami sa DotA nila Christian sa tagal ni Reginald. Edi yun, ta's umuwi na kami't pagkauwi ko wala daw internet, nagloko. Naayos naman pagkagising ko nung kinalaunan pero bago ako matulog ay nanuod pa ako ng Step Up at Step Up 2. Mas okay yung Step Up 2, mas maganda ung bida. Haha, at mas onti yung gay ballet :)). OO NA, ART DAW YUN AT SABI NILA MICHI HINDI KABAKLAAN :)).

Speaking of ballet, I'd just like to summarize my snore-filled experience at the CCP last Thursday with a few words: IT SUCKED TO THE BONE. If you want to know what I thought about it, ask anyone else, they'd tell you the same thing. If you really want to know what I exactly felt about the fucking thing, look at Bea's blog, she took the hatred right out of my mouth.

Madalas ko nang iniiwang nakabukas ang aking kompyuter upang makapagdownload ako ng mga movie na nirerequest ni Christian :)). At least I also benefit, I get to watch movies I've only dreamed of seeing and get to know more movies I've never heard due to my lack of real-world awareness. Haha, currently downloading: Devil May Cry episodes + Dark Knight (I'm such a loser for missing this one out :))). Kelangan ko pang iconvert ung Devil May Cry sa .avi format para mapanuod. Ta's wala akong mahanap na magandang torrent kaya pinagtatiyagaan ko nalang 'to. Matino naman e. So yun. Kasya kaya lahat ng eto sa 2GB FD ko na binabawi na ni Christian mula kay Kristine? Nilalamon pa ni Kristine ung FD ko e :)). Ilang araw na ung nasakanya, pero may 1GB pa naman ako e. Edi yun, basta. Yun nalang.

Well, that's all I can say for now. It's getting late. Gotta split!

To comment disconcertingly.

2008-09-16T19:24:00.003+08:00

I sense an intense tension in the sense that I can't cleanse my presence with my ever-reliable lens... Does that make any sense?

I hope it didn't, 'cause I never intended it to give any plausible reason for stating such incoherent chunks of words whose ends are pronounced as ens. I just wanted to play with those words, that's all.

Well actually, I did intend to use those rhyming words to express my current pitiable academic state, but it outrageously backfired when I couldn't think of any more rhyming words that would best fit my so-called academic status.

Oh look, I'm seeking attention by being totally contradictory. WTF, I seem like such a smartass and I'm laughing at you now 'cause you don't fucking know me. Boohoo, I think it's so cool that I'm hiding my identity so that I can freely bash a person who's barely even close to me and actually laugh at him for fighting someone whom he doesn't know back! I totally kick ass. Hell yeah.

Haha, I don't want to dwell in whatever the bitch said anymore. My sarcastic reinterpretation of its attitude will suffice for the time being. Until he/she/it shows up in front of me and gets me into a fistfight, I'll remain at peace. To make the long story short, fuck you, go to hell, die bitch, start getting a life, start fighting fair, coward-cunt.

Getting back to why I actually made this post, I feel as if my grades this 2nd quarter is more likely to deppreciate due to the fact that I go to school without an assignment and use my classmates' answers as a "guide" in answering my own :D. I barely take any more notes 'cause I store most of them in my head, which is actually fine, for me, anyway. The only problem 'bout that is if the teacher decides to grade our notebooks based on how much we've written. Well let me get this straight, are teachers actually expecting us to learn everything by writting them down? And do you actually think using such an irrelevant factor in your grading system is an effective way of "motivating" the students into copying notes? Sure, notes are important, they're your references. But what'd be the use of your 10,000 Php worth of text and graphically heavy books? My parents didn't agree in renting those effin' books for the sake of me copying exactly what's in it. E kung may paraan naman ako para maretain lahat un sa utak ko, 'di ko na masyadong kelangan ng notes, diba? Diskarte ko na un, 'di na dapat ginegrade yan :|.

Haha, ewan ko ba kung anong nangyari saken. Parang mas magaling talaga ako nung malungkot na malungkot ako. Hahaha. Ngaung alam kong may halaga ako sa isang tao, tinamad na kong mag-aral :)).

Anyway, as long as I've exploited the apparent privileges of my rank, I could end here for now. If ever my predictions come true, there's always next quarter, right? Haha.

Retreat na pala ng 3-31 next week. Displaying their box which craves to be filled with love/hate palanca letters was an effective way, in my view, of course. At least, as early as now, I was able to identify who I am to give a letter to. Yung sa 32, may mga nakalimutan ako, yung sa 30, di ko napansing Wednesday na pala nun (wala kasing pasok nung Monday, kaya di ko naramdaman) kaya ampapanget ng letter ko sa kanila, nakalimutan ko pa si Isabelle. Sorry, Isabelle :P. Pero... parang nawala ung listahan ko ng bibigyan ko ng letter :)). Basta ang mga naaalala ko... Si Hannah, Gab, Ivan, Jhanzel, Soriano, Gabbie.... Uhhh... Madami pa un e. Nakalimutan ko na talaga. Haha. Hindi naman tama kung mas maganda ung letters ko sa 31 kesa sa 32, diba? Kaya sa Tuesday ko nalang gagawin, hahapitin ko nalang ulit. Haha, wala naman akong sobrang close na kaibigan dun na kinakailangan ng madamdaming palanca e. Isa pa nga lang ang nagagawan ko ng ganun e, at baka siya nalang talaga ang binalak kong gawan nun. Wala na kasing ibang nararapat na bigyan ng ganung sulat :)). Hahahaha. Ewan ko lang.

Asus. Kakabisaduhin ko pa ung "Ang Bagong Araw." 'Di ko alam ang relasyon nito sa Musika, pero un na nga lang ang pagbabasihan ng aking marka, dapat maisaulo at maisadibdib ko na 'to. Kanina nga lang ako nagsimula e. Goodluck nalang ulit. Hahahaha.

P.S. I finally decided to cancel my old multiply account. Ampanget kasi kung dalawa account ko ta's isa lang gagamitin :|. Haha, basta un na un.

Excessively contained avarice.

2008-09-15T18:10:00.002+08:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Ayun, unbelievable! Nagbago ako sa loob lamang ng ilang araw :)). Nung una kong kinuha 'to, napunta ako sa 5th circle of hell. The test claims that I am very wrathful and gloomy, but I kinda changed my answers from before 'cause I realized I shouldn't be that gloomy nor wrathful anymore. Ha, things changed and I'm happier than ever, I guess. Nilagay ko kasi yes, I easily loose my temper, ta's binawi ko. You may disagree, but who cares? I don't, to tell the truth, whenever I punch the hell out of someone, I'm not angry, I just want to play around for no good reason. Haha.

I was motivated to take the test again 'cause the person who I claim to be my bestest friend in the wowld :D took the test and escaped eternal damnation :)). Haha, gusto ko kasi magkaibigan parin kami kahit hanggang sa heaben. Whoot. Haha. Adik.

Buti nga 'di ako napadala sa first circle e :)). Pareho kasing High ang pagiging "Repenting Believer" at "Lustful" ko e. Haha, but I guess my lustfulness is near to forgivable. Ang sunod nalang dun ay ang aking moderate avariciousness and prodigality. May tanong kasi dun kung may balak akong magka SUV o mamahaling kotse, oo naman ako. E kasi, ung van namin may ipis. Balahura kasi ung ama ko. The garage is likely to be a splendid habitat for pests because of the junk he piles up in it. Andalidaling sunugin at itapon ung mga kalat na un, di pa nya magawa.

Oh well. About the anonymous commenter, I've solved the problem. I'm not giving up, I never will, but I've stalled any further comments by temporarily ceasing my blogger. The confidentiality blog, as I've stated in my welcome message, is the essence of my butcher business. So yeah, I'll comment about the bitch one last time tomorrow or some time later 'cause I'm sorta busy.

Another test:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	Low
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Low
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

Moderately paranoid? Histrionic? Hell yeah XD. Christian's a living witness of my treacherous paranoia and histrionicism :)). Narcissistic? Sus, nilagay ko lang na often concerned ako sa appearance ko at mas importante saken ang mga pangangailangan ko kaysa sa iba naging moderate na un. Hahaha. Edi yun. Hahaha.

So yeah, yesterday I asked my mom if she could buy me a new bag, new pants and later on, new shirts. Haha, I don't really like backpacks, so we went to Megamall and everything we bought were just a swipe from my mom's credit card away! Haha, umabot ng 7,500 ung 3 na t-shirt, 2 na pantalon at isang bag. Dapat nga nung pantalo at bag palang ung pinapabili ko, 'di pa un ung reward ko as top 1 ng 34. Pero yun, nagrequest ako ng bagong t-shirt kaya nahiya nalang ako. Haha, at least kuntento na ko. Dati kasi mga pinagmanahan ang sinusuot ko. Way back 10 years ago, nung panlalaking maong pa ang suot ng ate ko at 'di pa pumasok sa utak ng kuya kong magsuot lagi ng semi-formal. Haha. Kawawa naman ako :|. Hahahaha.

Gagawa pa ko ng report namin sa Filipino. Tatlo kami dun, medyo matino naman kagrupo ko pero dahil top 1, ginagawa nilang excuse yun para ako nalang gumawa. Ano pa bang magagawa ko? E bukas na yun. Hai. 'Di bale, kung hindi man yang katawan ninyo ang papatayin ko, grade nyo nalang. Wahahahaha. *is being wrathful* Please don't send me back to the 5th circle ;).

Auspiciousness beyond compare.

2008-09-13T13:44:00.003+08:00

Kasi ganito lang yun, diba? Nasabi kong "I don't fucking care about your opinion" kasi wala akong paki kung ano mang gusto mong sabihin beforehand. Sabi mo kasi 'di kita kilala. I simply assumed that you were just some bitch who somehow got to my blog 'cause I'm not a notorious figure whom people I don't even know at all should I actually know. Diba?

Sabi nga ng Theology teacher ko, "Iba ang pagkakakilala sa pangalan at mukha sa pagkakakilala sa ugali nila, sa mga kilos nila at sa buong pagkatao nila." Okay, di un ung eksatong sinabi niya, pero parang ganun na rin ung ideya nun :|. So what I'm trying to say is, if you really know me, I should know you back. And if you really really know me, you know I wouldn't hate you ~~too much~~ for hating me 'cause I actually know you. In other words, you've just been proven to be even more contradictory than ever before. Why? Well let me quote:

Let's get things straight. Actually, tao rin naman ako. I have my morals too, you know. I wouldn't just barge in someone else's blog and then fill it up with shit. Ganito kasi yan tol, I kinda said that there's no point for introducing because you don't know me. Un. Did I say anything about "me not knowing you"? To tell the truth, you know me. You just don't know who I am among the ones you know. Cool noh? Next time try to think, dimwit.

Ako pa ung bobo? Well, duh, mas bobo ka. Kakasabi mo lang na di kita kilala ta's babawiin mo. For the sake of desperately trying to "mess up" my life? That's going too low, man. You're pathetic.

But you know what's even more pathetic? Utilizing my blog post and looking for some flaws and you miserably failing due to your ever-contradictory being. If you want me dead just tell me that face to face. You don't have to act all gay and all by hiding your identity and finding an incoherent reason of wanting my head chopped off.

Gan'to kasi yan 'tol. Sabi mo "I wouldn't just barge in someone else's blog and then fill it up with shit." Pero alam mo kung ano pang contradictory dun? Stating that line itself! 'Cause you know what? You just did. And you know why I'm pointing these out to you? 'Cause I know you'll use it all against me and fail again. Kung gusto mo talaga ng away, magpakita ka muna. Wag kang magtago sa lungga mo kasi napakawalang kwenta mo naman kung ganun.

Anyway, let me get back to my point of saying "I don't fucking care about your opinion." I said I didn't want to hear/read your opinion beforehand, right? But what the hell, anong magagawa ko? Anjan na yan diba? So I simply evaluated what you say. Not because that I actually care about what you think, it's because I care about being labelled as the guy who lost to some pathetic loser like you.

Eh bakit ganun? You analayzed all the things I said and even wrote a long post about that. You even said panira ako ng araw mo. Talk about contradiction. See the picture? Admit it, you just can't accept that someone's messing up your already messed up life.

Nasira araw di dahil sa sinabi mo. Ayoko lang talagang magmukhang natalo ng takot na taong ayaw magpakilala. Tsaka wala naman akong paki kung may naninira ng buhay ko diba? Kaya nga nasira dahil sa mga tulad mong gagong walang magawa sa buhay. Pakshet ka. Magpakita ka nga.

Oh and pardon me for telling you that you suck, 'cause I'm really being redundant if I do so. It's a given that someone as rude and as uselessly fault-finding sucks. So why should I start telling you why you actually suck? I mean... Just look in the mirror and you'll know why :|. You may be even worse than some whore giving a lucky guy a deepthroat on spankwire.com. (Ops ops, X rated. For adults only :)))

Before I rest my case, let me quote my comment to your comment:

Haha, may point ka naman dun. Pero ang sinasabi ko, wala akong paki sa opinyon mo kaya sana di ka nalang nag comment, diba? So kung kilala kita, edi masaya! You can kill me, but I'm not gonna die without a fighttttt.

"To tell the truth, you know me. You just don't know who I am among the ones you know. Cool noh? Next time try to think, dimwit."

You're the most contradictory person I've ever met O_O. YOU'RE the dimwit, jackass. Sabi mo di kita kilala kaya nagalit ako kasi ba't ka aaangal basta basta kung alam kong di mo ko kilala? Tapos ngayon BABAWIIN MO? PAKSHET KA GAGO. You suck in proving me wrong, dude. Kung kilala mo talaga ako, magpakita ka. Ano ka? Scared? Ba't ayaw mong magpakilala?

I hope you get the picture. Farewell to you, for now.

-----x-----

Give me a moment to settle down and contain myself...

Okay, give me your time and allow me to continue...

Uh, where should I start? Yesterday after lunch, we had a special advisory period to award the academic and deportment awardees. It's sort of a mini-convocation 'cause we "lack the time" to actual hold one. Pfft, excuses :|. They start cancelling an actual convocation when I'm at the pinnacle of my success, 'cause it's all doooownhill from here. Hahaha, tsamba lang lahat. Ngaun lang ang time na magiging top 1 ako ng 34 at top 4 ng third year. Hahaha. Pero sana, sana mali ako o di kaya mag-improve pa ko =P.

But to be honest, I'm becoming less productive this quarter =P. It seems as though my depression is what drives me to prove that every single one of you is dead wrong about my imperfections. Haha, still, I can't help but be motivated by the fact that I'm actually improving compared to my performance last year. Kahit sabihin mo pang nakapasok lang ako dahil wala na si John at May, di un totoo. Haha, last year kasi top 12/15/20? ako, kaya kung mawala man sila, dapat top 10 lang ako. Forgive me if you're being intimidated or something, I just really have to savor it while it lasts. Haha. Kasi last year si Angela na nga lang ang kalaban ko natalo pa nya ko sa 3rd and 4th quarter. Lalo pa kaya nagyon na si Tan ang katapat ko :|.

Though my rank isn't what really matters. It's how much I learn from school. E kung tutuusin kung valedictorian ka pa ng school na napakawalang kwenta ng curriculum, wala rin, diba? I remember the movie my sister made me watch, Big Fish. San Beda, regardless of literal campus size, isa just a small pond where big fish like Gab and Jeremiah swim in. But put those fish in an ocean like, let's say, ADMU (o kahit ACET palang), wala na. Nawala ung momentum ng pag-iingles ko. Hahaha.

That fact makes me tremble whenever I hear about college entrance exams. I feel as if no matter how high my grades are in school, I won't survive the wrath of the bloodthristy sharks of the ocean.

Ugh, good luck Janvic =P.

Berate me, I dare you to.

2008-09-09T20:11:00.008+08:00

Stolen from Allen.

Can you answer 50 questions about the 1st person that comes into your mind right now?
-Yes :))

Don’t change the person.
-Sure :))

Does he or she have a boyfriend/girlfriend??
-Crush nga lang walang nakakaalam e. Sa college pa daw.

How old is the person?
-14.

Has he/she ever cooked for you?
-Why would he do that? O_O

Is this person older than you?
-Nah.

Have you ever kissed this person?
-BULLSHIT :)). NO-FUCKING-WAY, DUDE :)).

Are you really close to him/her?
-Hell yeah ;).

How many times do you talk to this person in a week?
-Everyday?

Do you think he/she will repost this?
-TAMAD UN :)).

Could you live with this person?
-Basta sya magbabayad ng kuryente, tubig, bahay at magkaiba kami ng kwarto at may TV at computer ako sa kwarto na sagot rin niya, pwede. Otherwise, no :P.

Why did you choose this person?
-'Cause we're good friends? =P

How long have you known this person??
-A little more than a year.

Have you ever been to the mall with this person?
-Last Christmas, the first and only yet :)).

Have you ever had a sleepover with this person?
-No.

If you ever moved away would you miss this person?
-Yeah, a lot :(.

Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person?
-I don't think so?

Do you know everything about this person?
-Sadly, not everything :(. But I try to XD.

Would you date this person’s siblings?
-Hahahaha, not my type :P.

Have you ever made something for this person?
-Some parts of his assignments =)).

Have you ever worn this person’s clothes?
-Di pa nga ko nakakapasok sa kwarto nun e.

Have you and your person made up a hand shake?
-Suntok :)).

If it was “freaky friday” would you switch bodies with this person?
-Whooo, sige ba :)). Kaya lang di siya papayag :)). Ako kahit di na lumipat =)).

Have you ever heard this person sing?
-Oo, mahina nga lang, shy type e :)).

Do you and this person have a saying?
-Wala ata? Ewan.

Do you know this person's multiply password?
-Oo >:).

Have you and this person ever gotten into a fight or argument?
-Di, pacifist un :)). Laging umiiwas sa away.

Have you and this person gone clubbing?
-Nope.

Do you know how to make this person feel happy?
-I barely see him ever sad about something. Pero oo nalang siguro :P.

Do you and this person talk a lot?
-Yeaaaah.

Do you like this person?
-As a good friend, nothing more =P.

Have you and this person got into a fight?
-No?

Do you want to go out with this person??
-Go out of the house to hang out or something? Yes. Go out as in a date? NO-FUCKING-WAY :|.

Do you want to be friends with him/her forever?
-OF COURSE. I couldn't ask for anything more :).

-----x-----

Go to hell, anonymous commenter :|. Fuck you.

Haha, sige, may gagong epal na nagcomment sa huli kong post. You know what? I don't fucking care about your opinion.

Why not? 'Cause I did not intend this blog for the consumption of anyone who doesn't know me. Though you're free to read it and comment on something but hey, sino ka ba? Magcocomment ka na nga lang ng masama di pa kita kilala. Ang bastos mo naman diba? And you're taking my comment about insignificant little things too seriously.

Shit man, shit. Couldn't have done anything but release your goddamn frustration on me? ANG BOBO MO NAMAN KUNG DI MO NAISIP NA PWEDE KA NALANG MANAHIMIK DIBA? Mangingielam ka pa e. You could've just shut the hell up, asshole :|.

Una, di kita kilala diba? I DON'T GIVE A LOAD OF SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK, OKAY? DON'T FUCK WITH ME.

Pangalawa, there's no actual need for me to inform any one of you, and it was never my intention to impress any of you. Di ako nagpapasikat, pakshet kang gago ka. Akala mo naman kilala mo ko para sabihin yan. SINO KA BA? Ikaw nga ung pasikat jan e, gago, di nga kita kilala nagpapapansin ka pa jan. Sana pinatay mo nalang ung sarili mo sa bwisit. Mas mabuti pa un sa sangkatauhan :|. Fuckingwhorebitchcuntfagdouchebag.

May paweigh-weigh ka pang nalalaman. Bullshit, di ako binabayaran para gawin 'to. Ano ka, boss ko? Wala akong balak maging journalist o magsulat para sa madla kaya di ka nakakatulong.

Second, about the saving the planet thing. Being an environmentalist
myself, haven't you heard that "little things do make a difference".

Wow naman. Parang napigilan ang pagbutas ng ozone layer nung nagpagamit ng non-plastic bags ang NBS, diba? Kung gusto nyong gumawa ng pagbabago, tama lang na magsimula sa maliit, pero common sense, di naman sapat yang "little differences" nyo diba?

Let's make a concrete example, let's use you. I think when you were
small you can't be that annoying. But look at you know, so annoying
that someone actually wants you dead. I mean, why would we regret that
you die? You're significance is so small that making you disappear in
the face of the earth wouldn't make so much of a fuzz. Tragically,
there's no point for your existence.

Fuzz? The soft stuff? Anyway... So what are you trying to do? Contradict yourself? Well pasensya na kung iba ang pagkakainterpret ko dahil sadyang bobo lang ako, pero parang sinasabi mong little things don't make a difference. :|

ANG LABO MO.

Basically, if I suck, you suck ten times harder. Yeah, you really do. I just think that you're even ruder for barging into my life just like that talking about some shit and contradicting yourself, trying to look good.

Haha, ang gago mo. Panira ka ng araw ko.

Nevertheless, let's be friends? HAHAHA. Asa. But if you want to keep on bashing my blog, I'm here to bash right back. Just say the word and I'll be here :).

Well I'm glad you relieved your stress by being contradictory and... Totally annoying. Kasi di ko naman sinabing PUNTAHAN mo blog ko diba? Kasalanan ko bang nabwisit kita? PUTA HINDE, KUNG AYAW MONG MABWISET SANA DI KA NA NAGBOBLOGHOP JAN.

I fucking hate you :|. Joke lang. Peace tayo. Pero kung gusto mong ma-offend that's your choice. Basta nilabas ko lang ung sama ng loob ko tulad ng ginawa mo.

It doesn't matter if I cursed you and you didn't, it's the power of democracy, as you say. Sige, may freedom of speech ka na. Di naman ako galit kasi nangingielam ka e, pero ang nakakabanas lang ung mangingielam ka na nga lang ang angas-angas pa ng dating mo, putaness :|.

A fiduciary bond.

2008-09-06T14:22:00.003+08:00

Being in a section I hate from the very depths of my heart has driven me mad, insane, paranoid and... Yeah. I had to stop there 'cause if I continued enumerating all the words synonymous to my unstable mental state, my fingers would start to chip off my joints. But of course my so-called mental state is no surprise for anyone. I mean, it's in the blood. *wink wink*

Allow me to continue writing large chunks of exasperating and text-heavy paragraphs by recounting my realization of the intense sentimental value of Aluminum foil. I mean, yeaaaaah, the simplest act of deliberately insulting the evident scarcity of precious Aluminum atoms through an ever mortifying act of changing the physical states of its by-product is just sooooo severe to even be spoken of! Yes, I'm tooootally guilty for committing such a treacherous act tantamount to freakin' murder.

But seriously, I get your point, and I'm really sorry. The insignificant little thing's not mine, and I crumpled it. But I don't see any reason for you to bitch up on me in front of the class. I'm not retarded, okay? So do me a favor and realize this: I know how to respect others' property and I know as much as anyone the value of a certain thing is, and guess what, I can actually weigh the intensities of the two factors well enough to know what to do about them. I mean, didn't it ever come to your mind that I wouldn't have crumpled it if it could've made a goddamned significance? It's a sheet of aluminum foil, for Christ's sake. I bet my life that you'd just throw the piece of bullshit away once all classes have finished using the thing or if it's even damaged beforehand!

What I'm trying to say is this: It's no big deal, okay? I'm old enough to know what and what not to crumple, and I know if it would actually be the cause of a devastating uproar caused by the fall of the International economy. And it's not like you were even related to the piece of shit. Come on! For Pete's sake, you don't go admitting you're a descendant of aluminum foil slightly dipped into a vat of radioactive uranium oxide solutions bringing life to the first human of the 69th century after the explosion caused by Russia's nuclear weaponry...

Oh and speaking about insignificant little things not helping to the salvation of mankind, I just wanted to tell everyone that refraining from the use of plastic straws due to the mentality that mother nature would live longer by doing that is a hell lot of bullshit. Think about it, even if the whole population of China stops using straws, that doesn't change the fact that other countries still use them. And one country boycotting the use of straws doesn't change the fact that straws will still be made. And if one day there comes an international ban of the use of straws, there'd still be a hell lot of unreleased truckloads of plastic straws to be dumped. Where? On your beloved landfills conveniently located a few blocks away from you. What I'm saying is that petty little moves such as that don't make a significant difference no matter how you look at it. The solution is, as I've said earlier, an international ban of the MANUFACTURING of plastic straws wherein there wouldn't be more to add to the already devastating amount of plastic straws ever manufactured.

The same goes for the case of NBS and SM Biodegradable bags. Please do note that such acts aren't effective marketing strategies, for me, at least. So if you're really committed in not being a bigger pain to society, be more realistic: tell other malls to imitate you. I mean, as long as you're the only guys who try to make a difference, it doesn't make any difference at all.

Then again, the only effective way to get the motherfucking idea to a certain populace is through the media. But what the hell, we live in a lustful, money-hungry world. A 5 second reminder about breast cancer awareness would already cost millions. Now where in the world could UNICEF and PETA get that much money to advocate the greater good? Not from the government, that's for sure.

So you see, the world's tainted in every way possible, so much that even the solutions are problems! So why bother? The world is going to end anyway, and no Hitler-worshipping mindset's going to change the fact that the very fabric of existence is corroding every second. We don't need geniuses; we don't need abnormal people either. What we need is a people willing to shut up and just start doing what's right :|.

Anyhow, that very same day, I was obliged to announce to my freakin' class that anyone interested in watching the game was supposed to pay 300 Php and go to school in their proper uniform w/ IDs. Well, at least some people listened, and whenever someone rages concerning the amount, I'd tell them to SHUT THE FUCK UP 'CAUSE NO ONE GIVES A SHIT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO :|. Basically, if being less uptight then the other president's not helping the welfare of my sanity and the class, then I guess raising my voice is the only way to go!

Now guess what time it is. It's time for Terence and Michael to be ~~engulfed~~ immortalized in my destructive words of chaotic hatred! But brace yourselves, 'cause you're gonna be soooo disappointed. Ha-ha, just telling why the hell I should hate those two guys is a double-edged sword itching to stab my heart before I could even scratch their backs with the piercing blade! So yeah, let me mark their names with a simple: "Shut up and fuck off, you have no right to bitch my self-esteem out of my system in public transportation vehicles or in front of lifeless menaces to the human society who know nothing more than to play their asses out all daaaaay." And I don't even know where you got that idea about me being a senior citizen of some sort. That insult dates waaaay back when I was in first grade, and it just lost its luster through the years.

But before that, permit me to tell you where this all started. The third year students (alone) were supposed to watch the NCAA game, but the student council insisted that the Seniors should watch too since it's their last year. So it was that, but yesterday, there was a problem since a lot of the Seniors didn't want to watch the game. They rented 6 buses, assuming that all Juniors and Seniors would be coming, the fact that they can't send the other buses back forced them to force the other people who weren't interested in watching the game to watch the game so that they could pay for the buses they rented... 3-30 was on their class retreat so we had to share a bus with 3-33. I slept the almost the whole way there. When we got there, I met up with Christian and his classmates. Haha, it turns out that Mrs. Gamatero forgot about Sarah and me so we had to call her to get our tickets. I had to get mine from Ms. Adriano since she only had one extra ticket (Marian must've took the other one, she wasn't supposed to watch, but she was one of the people forced to watch. Hahaha.). To sum the whole game up, some Letran player managed to shoot outside the ring in less than a 1-minute mark which made the situation impossible for us to win. The score was 61-65, in favor of the Squires. It didn't really occur to me that it actually mattered that we lost 'cause I was too busy criticizing the rotting Cuneta Astrodome in my head.

Bababa dapat si Christian sa Junction, e sa floodway dumaan ung bus nila kaya nauna kami. Kaya un, hinintay ko sila habang nang-iwan si Reggie kasama sila JOD. Kumain kami sa McDo ta's naglaro ng DotA. Ta's lahat ng kaservice ni Christian andun, si Reg, si Rod, si Terence, si Michael at si Leyte. Haha, kaya sabay-sabay kaming umuwi sa iisang jeep. Pwede sana akong sumakay nalang ng Parola mula sa tabi ng McDo, diba? Pero nakakalungkot kung ganun. Kaya sa Cypress ako bumababa ta's sasakay ulit papuntang parola pag kasama ko sila Christian. Hahaha.

From the computer shop to the jeepney, Terence and Michael had a good time wasting their saliva making jokes about me. Fortunately, I wasn't thrown into a maddened rage since there was at least one person who didn't plan on hurting me and just kept his mouth shut as I sat beside him. And this is the exact reason why I can't totally curse those guys. Hahahaha.

Well I think this is enough for today. Now that most of my dramatic concerns have been cleared, I guess there's little left for me to say but Au revoir for now :).

Repertoire of vituperation.

2008-09-05T22:53:00.005+08:00

Wala ako sa mood na magalet.

~~Huh? Ano daw?~~

Well this simply means that Terence and Michael's 15 minutes of fame in my infamous weblog will have to wait until I'm really pissed off about something. Right now, I'll just laugh whatever they said a while ago away =P. Ewan, baka kasi di na ko masyadong problemado tungkol dun sa isang bagay na yun. Haha. Alam na ni Christian, Michi at Gab kung ano un ;).

Michi, huuuuug :D!!!

Bukas ko nalang sasabihin ung mga nangyari ngayon. Ang importante, di pa ko namamatay dulot ng depresyon =)).

Sickeningly puerile reasoning.

2008-08-29T23:12:00.003+08:00

There were some ideas surging through my head a while ago until I shouted them all out in my GMs. Yes, you can never get enough of them :).

Michi's blog is filled with Lupin. Lupin this, Lupin that that goes with some disturbing conyo-ness on the side. Let me quote:

Hahaha. =)))))) I said Bye nalang kasi I didn't want to make amin. :))

Haha, I don't know why I'm even talking about Michelle. Maybe I'm in love with her? LOL. Nah, If I am in love with such a cute girl like her, you wouldn't be the first one to know. It would just start as a little secret between a friend and I which will eventually get out 'cause it's so damn obvious.

Basically I'm just disturbed by hearing a bunch of rich bitches speaking in such a deafening way that whenever I see Michelle write like that, I tend to hear her voice in my head, saying those exact words with a petrifying tone. Maybe I just love Michelle so damn much that I don't want her to be one of those rich bitchwhores you see loitering during school days at malls, window shopping :|.

Allow me to be one more suitor to that fine young lady (who has already rejected 3 guys for being so "cute"). Hahahahaha. You know I'm kidding, right?

Anyway, 3-34 doesn't listen to me, BooHoo. GAB, if you're reading this, you might as well assume that we want what the other sections want for our promenade. As long as there'd be one, I don't think there'd be any violent reactions (so long as that's what the majority of 3rd year students had to say). So yeah, I don't really care if they don't listen to me, I don't even care if you win a million medals for the class, so long as they don't acknowledge the fact that I was elected by them to represent the class before the whole High School Department, then I'll just do my fucking job. I don't fucking care with what you have to say.

Right, ha, I hate 34 more than ever, and no amount of criticism can stop me from injecting that into your brain cells. I really have to express my deepest gratitude to the person who put me in this section for ruining my sanity. Thank you very much, I hope you may succeed in further doing so.

Okayyy... So you might remember how I described my "friends" in my section from my previous post, and guess what, I get fed up with him sometimes... And, well, it's getting ugly. Hahaha, basta ako alam ko ung mga pinagsasasabi ko, wala akong sinasabing masama. Ngayon kung gusto mong makipag-away, tignan mo muna ung mga pinagsasasabi mo sa ibang tao tapos tignan mo ung sarili mo sa salamin, please :). Please lang, diba? Eto ung pinag-uusapan tapos bigla kang mag-aander da belt? Napakababaw mo naman kung ganun diba? Baket? Di mo ba kayang patunayang may mali ako ng HINDI ka tumitira "below the belt"? Hahaha, if you can't fix your attitude, it's better if you're the one who starts shutting the FUCK up. :|

My [insert highfaluting word here] friends.

2008-08-25T19:52:00.001+08:00

Stolen from Chynna.

Name 15 people from your group of friends.
Do not look at the questions below before naming them.
This is fun, try it.

1. Christian Llano

2. Jonathan Funtanilla

3. Reggie Lei

4. Calvin Osit

5. Miguel Martinez

Wala na kong maisip ---

6. JEMAR SHIGUA :D

7. Ivan Fernandez

8. Jhanzel Fernando :o

9. Gabriel Chua!

10. BEA SHIGUA <3

11. Adrea Gochela

Ang hirap mag-isip ---

12. Jette Regadio (Di nyo yan kilala :)))

13. Camille Caslib (Di nyo rin yan kilala :)))

Kung sino-sino nalang ---

14. Michi AVEDANO (Sinadya kong wrong spelling >:))

15. JOO EUN LUCHEEE!!! (Feeling close ako sakanya, sorry :P)

-----x-----

1. Who is number 3's crush? (Reggie)
- Angela. Cadbury daw :|

2. What do you think of number 6? (Jem)
- Ishmol :D

3. How old is number 1? (Christian)
- 14. Dulo-dulo kami ng January e.

4. Is number 15 a class officer? (Lucy)
- MUSE :D

5. If you think of number 5, what's the first thing that comes to mind? (Miguel)
- Manyak na Alien :).

6. Do you have plans with number 4? (Calvin)
- I plan on frying the ink out of him >:D.

7. How about number 7? (Ivan)
- Wala, nasama lang sya sa list :).

8. Does number 14 like anyone from your list? (Michi)
- Yes, she like Jhanzel. JOKE LANG :)).

9.Name three things you have in common with number 10? (Bea)
- Bloggers? Multipliers(Nice term, no? HAHAHA)? Humans :).

10. Do you remember the first time you actually said "hi" to number 11? (Adie)
- Oo, kasama nya sila Jem, napa"Hi" lang ako kahit di kami magkakilala :)).

11. Have you ever been groupmates with number 13? (Camille)
- Ata?

12. Have you ever had a fight with number 8? (Jhanzel)
- Gusto mo ngaun? :))

13. Do you chat often with number 9? (Gab)
- Hinde, gago un e. Invi saken :)).

14. Are you and number 2 close friends? (Futanesker)
- Medyo :P.

15. Is number 1 good looking? (Christian)
- Hahaha. Oo naman :P. Oi Christian, bayad ko? Hahaha. Joke lang. Pero seryoso, oo :P.

16. What would you say if number 12 and 14 were dating? (Jette) (Michi)
- Lesbians? Di nga sila magkakakilala e.

17. What was your first impression of number 7? (Ivan)
- Wala naman. Pwede ba un? Hahaha.

18. Would it be a shock to you if number 11 asked number 3 out? (Adrea) (Reggie)
- Oo. I'd say "OMFG ADREA YOU DON'T HAVE ANY TASTE AT ALL :))."

19. Name one thing you admire about number 9? (Gab)
- He's smart :P.

20. What do you like most about number 7? (Ivan)
- Nasama nga lang sya sa list ko, diba? Hahaha.

21. Is number 14 sporty? (Michi)
- Hinde, payatot un. Haha.

22. Have you ever eaten out with number 15? (Luchee)
- Lumalayo sya pag lumalapit ako sakanya e. Manyak daw ako :|. Di naman e :)).

23. How long do you know number 9? (Gab)
- Last year lang

24. Have you dated number 6? (Jem)
- How I wish ;).

25. Is number 14 fat for you? (Michi)
- Nde, payatot nga diba?

26. Is number 11 a Heart throb? (Adie)
- Nde siguro >:P.

27. Is number 5 close to number 8? (Migs) (Jhanzel)
- Ewan ko lang.

28. Did you liked/like someone in the list?
- LUCHEE! :))

29. Does number 8 has a GF? (Jhanzel)
- Asaaa.

30. When did you last saw number 10? (Bea)
- Friday morning, a glimpse, perhaps?

31. Did number 1 stole[tama ba un?] something from you? (Christian)
- A lot of my time, probably :P. Pero wala namang problema dun.

32. Does number 11 insults[oi sinong gumawa nito? Wrong grammings] you? (Adie)
- Minsan, siguro, ewan :P.

33. Is there someone in the list you miss so much?
- Oo naman. Di nga lang lahat :P. Mga 3 lang. malayo ung agwat nung isa sa dalawang magkasunod :P.

34. Is number 15 a flirt? (Lucy)
- Nde, talagang attractive lang siya :>.

35. Who is taller, you or number 13? (Camille)
- Ako ata.

36. What comes to your mind about number 12? (Jette)
- BLOOD. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

37. What are your best moments with number 6? (Jem)
- Wala pa :D.

38. How about number 1? (Christian)
- Best moments... Hmm... Almost everytime I'm with my bestfriend's a moment worth cherishing. HALA SAN NANGGALING YUN? HAHAHA.

39. Did number 7 said "i love you" to you? (Ivan)
- NO, YACK. :-&.

40. What's your theme song with number 6? (Jemar)
- OUT OF MY LEAGUE ;)

41. What's your current relationship with number 10? (Bea)
- Sister-in-law/ex-wife :)

42. How about number 5? (Miguel)
- Kaibigan lang.

43. How does number 14 look like? (Michi)
- Payat, cute, may nunal.

44. What do you do everytime you see number 12? (Jette)
- I say hi?

45. In 5 or ten years, what will be the future of number 6? (Jem)
- The new and improved Ms. Hernandez :).

46. Last person you texted in the list?
- Si Christian. Bihira akong magtext sa iba e.

47.Does number 1 hates someone in the list? (Christian)
- Di siguro.

48. How do you find number 7? (Ivan)
- Mahilig sa movies, all kinds, including youknowwhat :)).

49. Is number 13 Adventurous? (Caslib)
- Ata.

50. Is number 4 a trust worthy friend? (Calvin)
- Nah. I only trust one person, and that's not him :P.

A panoply of unimpressive events.

2008-08-25T18:44:00.003+08:00

A typical 3-day weekend ending: tedious cramming.

I have a hunch that my section today's some sort of evil experiment by the Guidance office to drive my sanity to extinction. LOOK AT IT! Leaving the "best" out of the list just like that? I mean, I'm with the bunch of people I was with last year but ONE who is actually a significant loss. Pfft. I know I can't change things, but that's just not stopping me from wishing this didn't just happen. *sighs desperately*

My freakin' service took so long to come last Friday, that I was able to witness how boringly long it takes before Christian's service leaves the campus. At 4:28 PM, my freakin's service finally came and we left a motherfucking hour later. Whooo.

I went to school on a Saturday, hoping to start our English Project: a MTV about something horrifying. As interesting as this project may be, I don't see its relevance to any of our English lessons. I don't see King Arthur make an MTV about his spooky death caused by whoknowswho. Then again, this project catches my interest so much, there's no room for complaining. I'm going to base our MTV from my sister's. I'll be stealing some of their intellectual property but add a little of my own to make it as horrific as possible (horrific in the sense that it would scare the underwear off your feet, not a horrifically directed MTV).

Anyway, went I got to San Beda, Suba and friends were just starting to paint that freakin' mural for the Buwan ng Wika. I assume this is because of the month's aim "to enhance and showcase the multitude of talents us Bedans posses through fun and theme-related activities such as singing, dancing, drawing and such." Well I'm not involved and the success of the class would bring me little joy, so why am I even complaining? Well for one thing, I wasn't even planning to help in decorating the class. Though all I did was take off some faded construction papers (brought to you by those harmful UV rays), I also helped (around 45%?) in taking off THAT MOTHERFUCKING STICKY PLASTIC THINGY WITH THE FLOWERY DESIGN. No wonder why 3-34 St. Hugh of Cluny didn't even bother taking it off last year, it was SO FUCKING STUCK THAT IT COULD CHIP OFF ALL YOUR NAILS TRYING TO TAKE OFF JUST ONE SHEET! I kept on doing most off the job and kept on asking for the slackers behind me to help, but as soon as they start, they give up. Whoot, it took me hours but to no avail, I wasn't even able to completely take off just 1/4 of it. Moral: Never ever use pretty decor if it means that someone else's sanity would suffer. =P. (Ate Lea, sino ba kasing nagpropose na ipadikit yan?! :)))

Well I occasionally gave up but I resumed working on it when I had nothing better to do. Suba was asked to buy some stuff for the class and the mural so I tagged along with him. Nilibre kami ni Marielle ng pamasahe kasi mayaman siya, pupunta daw siya sa boypren nya. May gagawin sila. Hahaha. My main purpose for tagging along with Mr. Suba: to indulge in DQ products. Yepyep, they didn't ask for my name since there were barely any customers that early but as I was savouring the luscious goodness of a 16 oz. Mudpie Blizzard, Suba was buying nail polish at TheFaceShop across DQ. Para sa ate daw niya un, kayo na bahalang manghusga :)). JOKE LANG SUBA :)). Another moral: don't do anything significant around me; your name might end up right here.

Hungry and nothing but crush Oreo cookies and chocolate ice cream white thingies in my stomach, we went to Laureen's at 3PM to finally start shooting our MTV. We finished a few scenes at 5, we could've accomplished a hell lot more if we didn't bother helping in decorating our freakin' classroom. Naubusan pa nga ng battery ung camera ni Adrea e, nag volleyball pa kami habang chinacharge para sa huling scene.

Tsk tsk, when I got home, I checked the DVD out, and to my surprise, I couldn't edit it. Reason: VRO format. I downloaded a VRO converter a while ago but it keeps saying "bad block blablabla," so I'm downloading another one. It's been downloading for hours, you know. I just fucking hope it's worth it or else we'll need a new camera.

The next day was the mark of a new chapter in my loving sister's life. We went to rotting NAIA, ate a little and left her when everything seemed fine. At around 8-9PM she reached the Hong Kong Airport (which she describes as a hell lot better than corroding ol' NAIA) and she chatted with us for a while. Then she left, saving a little of what's left of her laptop's battery. She's now in L'aquila, Italy, perhaps? She said she was took a train ride to there from Rome just a few hours ago, so she's probably bonding with her new friend from Montenegro. Best of luck to you my dearest ~~boob~~ sister =D. Have fun =P.

And, well, that brings me to what I'm doing right now. Slacking, with my ass comfortable seated on this ancient wooden chair and typing the boredom out of my system. I still have lots to do, but hey, who cares? So yeah, this is goodbye, for now =P.

My lackadaisical return.

2008-08-15T21:13:00.002+08:00

Guess who's back from the grave.

Yeah, it's that good ol' Janvic, class president of 3-34 St. Maximian. Yes, from threethirtyfuckingfourSaintMaximian. Not Sigfrid, not Eanswida, not Hilda of Whitby and sadly not even Aidan, but Maximian. Do you want to know how it's spelled? It's with a capital M, then a, then x... Actually there's no point in spelling the damned thing. I would've spelled it with another word which would express my deepest disliking for the awfully constructed "community," but I sadly cannot think of anything creative that wouldn't get me sent to the guidance office or wouldn't try to make my undesirable situation much worse.

Now you're probably wondering why I'm complaining and why just now... I don't really know why either, but maybe I just can't express it in words without being too vulgar and/or brutally hateful in the worst possible way. In any case, my little rants that spread across the world wide web wouldn't change my section, but if this post would appeal to my lovely guidance counsellor, we'd probably have a long talk on why the hell I'm sitting here, typing about how much I don't like where I am right now. Still, that won't change a thing, just a couple of minds knowing how much of a mistake/success(succeed in tormenting my life by pushing my depressive tendencies to the limit and beyond) it was for placing me here, of all places, here with a Reginald, a Miguel, a Calvin and nothing more. As much as I'd like to comment on how insufficient the three of them combined to me are and why I'm soooooo pissed off by one of them at times, which would just create too much unbearable turmoil which would probably condemn me to a life of loneliness and solitude. (And no, my reference for using the word "solitude" is not from Saint Benedict's life in a cave with a high-tech basket)

So now you're probably raging. Scornfully thinking on how much I once loved to be president of 3-34 but now I hate my state. Well let me tell you one thing, being president's not my problem; it's realizing that being president of 3-34 is just part of my problem. I'm not motivated to lead and bring to success a class which I don't like, I can't agree much with, I can't interact much with and can't even listen to my simplest instructions. I simply can't, not at all.

At first, everything was fine. So someone got separated, so what? But I guess you really can't realize the truest value of a person unless they're taken away from you. Heh, now I'm whining, disturbed every time I get to think about it, every single moment I realize that there IS a difference, an enormous one, in fact. There's probably only one person who can abuse everything I do out of kindness and not think of it negatively. Maybe it's the way some people speak, the way they act or maybe even the way they respond. The bottom line is, there's something irreplaceable in my life that's missing, and there's a gaping hole groaning to be filled. (Wooooow, avoid any form of malicious interpretations please, I'm cramming this for my sanity's sake and my mom's pressuring me to sleep early, and it's 12 AM btw.)

But who am I fooling? You? No matter how intricately express my rebellion and anger in detail, there's probably a few or maybe even nothing I can do to change things. I just hope that... Some things would stay the same. That no matter where my fate may lead me, they'll never ever forget...

And so I end my less dramatic post. I was expecting a more tragic description of my harsh destiny, yet it seems that I'm just so dowwwwn to be writing all those sorts of stuff. So I'll just continue tomorrow or some months later... It depends if my ever-busy schedule as president eventually clears. Farewell.

I like you like you.

2008-07-22T20:15:00.004+08:00

I won, Bea won and the whole Christian community is one. Go figure that out.

~~Oh excuse me. I don't know how to continue my post. Allow me to get inspiration from my beloved Bea...~~

Okay I'm done gathering inspiration. She just made a list of her usual rants and such. I'm not gonna copy her 'cause I only have one thing in mind: projects projects projects.

It sucks, no?

I've barely set into my brain that I'm in a class I can't seem to love with all my heart and soul and time has gone so fast that I'm... using lowly and simple words that I'm about to burst into anger 'cause I can't construct a good blog post even if my sanity depended on it (Which is, might I add, non-existent :)).

So that's it. I just wanted to give life to my blog. I might give you the details sooner or later or never. Only time can tell. (Ooooh, mysterious. :|)

P. S. I hate theology. It's not that I hate God, it's that I'm already a non-Catholic who fully disbelieves most of your practices and religious gestures. To top that off, San Beda lacks enough interesting theology teachers. Could life be any better? I guess not.

Run Forrest, run!

2008-07-01T21:44:00.002+08:00

Since the day I saw how uninterested my ~~seemingly competent~~ classmates were about class presidency and how they'd rather run for the position of vice president (since the position has been tainted with the comment that they don't really get any share of the president's burden), I decided to run for class president.

I just wanted to have a title at first, but little by little I began to gain interest of the troublesome tasks a president has to go through. Seriously, if no one ~~who's actually worthy enough~~ is willing to become class president, then might as well choose me :D. The decision, of course, is all up to my dearest classmates and whatever they may decide is something I can't control. If they want someone who is all talk and no actual work or someone who doesn't really want to be the president or if they simply just don't like me, then fine. I'm campaigning 'cause I want to help the class, I don't need to but I do it. If you don't want or need my help at all, then I don't need your vote either. It's that simple.

I don't need anyone telling me that they'd rather vote for Terence or... Jessica especially if the reason is that I didn't treat you a shake or didn't let you copy my assignment. That's not how trust works. Got it? Pfft, what a bunch of assholes.

All my adviser asks is a smart, responsible and confident person with the initiative to lead the class. Not someone rich who'd buy your votes, not someone intelligent to spoonfeed you with EVERYTHING and especially not someone who'd run solely for class PROJECTS. What she asks is someone with initiative and ideas that will HELP the class, not drastically reform the class with overrated "projects". I mean, what the fuck do you actually want? An automated door that opens during classes only if you have a PTLC card which is swiped through a hi-tech card-swiping device? Or maybe you'd like our own class field trip other than the school field trip? IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK A CLASS PRESIDENT IS CONCERNED OF, THEN BETTER REFLECT ON ~~THE GOSPEL YOU JUST HEARD A WHILE AGO~~ YOUR DEFINITION OF "class president" IS AND SEE IF YOU'RE OVERRATING ITS SCOPE AND LIMITATIONS!

I rest my case (I got that ending from BEA!!! *heart*).

Surely you know the Best.

2008-06-29T19:26:00.005+08:00

I was so moved when I got an e-mail notifying me that my fiancée has already posted 203 times in her wonderful earth-colored blog. And I thought, "Hey, if the love of my life could waste her fingers typing for the likes of you, why shouldn't I too?" I was kinda jealous of what she said, though:

I just realized that my posts here are being transferred to my Multiply account. :)) I accidentally pushed a button there that would transfer my posts to Multips. There is no point in having two sites with the same posts, is there? =)) (I just said what Gab said in his blog. Hey, Gab. I quoted you, be happy. HAHA. Kidding.) But I'll still continue on simultaneously posting there. (Ha. I used a word that Gab used. I'm being addicted to Gab. KIDIIIING! xD)

Well, I'm sure there's nothing going on between them, 'cause I might kill myself if I found out my fiancée is cheating. *sob* *sob* *sniff*

And that's the story of my second blog entry for the day. So if you actually believe that Jem's my fiancée, then you're fuckin' riiiight, man. ~~Unfortunately, I just read Bea's comment and I'm now stuck in a love triangle.~~

F u thnk dats ol tru den asa nmn u!

Hahaha, it rhymes, so keep that in mind.

Now I see why Bea said my posts are boring. I find them boring myself, but hell yeah, if you think so too, THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?! :)) It's no longer my fault if you still want to bear with my incompetence.

Anyway, I'm almost finished with my damned assignments. It took me some time before I got to kick myself in the ass to get me working. The only thing I need is to describe the main characters of that senseless Filipino short story about some farmers courting province-girls with the unimpressive old school way of courting girls :)). But if you think about it....

Guy: hi. mxtah ka na? :)
Girl: aus lng nmn :)
Guy: kmain n b u?
Girl: d pa e. ikw?
Guy: uu. kain k na pra d u mgkskit :). cncern me sau e <3.
Girl: *is todo kilig* tlga? how swit nmn u :).
Guy: hehe. nkita m n loker mu?
Girl: w8 lng check q. :)
Guy: ok :)
Girl: waw! its a teddy ber. how swit of u nman! *is more kilig*
Guy: only da best for u. tau na?
Girl: cge. :) labyu. mwahugzzz.
Guy: sex tau mya. k?
Girl: blis nmn u, pro ok! wat tym?

Oo naman yung babae :|. If you've read the story, you should try and compare it to the pathetic way this couple tried to get closer to each other :|. Which one's more decent? You be the judge :).

I wasn't supposed to dwell into that, my mere intention was to simply explain that I could just copy the answer for that question from one of my classmates but that would make me look irresponsible and unworthy of class presidency. Now I wouldn't want that to happen now, would I? Besides, I don't tolerate copying that much. I can let anyone copy an assignment that I just copied and pasted from Wikipedia or something, but I can't just give away my well-researched and/or subjective answers that came from my heart and soul! Take my Theo reflection, for example. If you plan on asking to "borrow" it from me to get an idea, then I have two responses depending on how close you are to me. If you're nice but I'm not necessarily your friend, then you get a "No, I'm sorry, you should do it yourself." But if you're one of my ever-reliable friends then you get a blunt "NO WAY! FUCK OFF MY WORK, ASSHOLE!!!" :)).

But you're welcome to take the risk, though you'll just give life to my previous words by making me shout them to your ears. Hahaha.

Basically, this post is a campaign ad, but it didn't turn out exactly that way. But still, I'm convincing you to please vote Jeszel Marie V. Sigua (commonly known as BEA) as the external vice president. Voting for the rest of the BEST party's up to you, unless I get paid to say "VOTE STRAIGHT. VOTE THE BEST PARTY." that might change this footnote :)). But be sure to vote BEA!

Hold on tight.

2008-06-27T20:37:00.005+08:00

It's been... How long? Decades? I think so, let me check my calendar.

Nope, it's only been two weeks, my bad.

2 weeks and I've been watching my performance swiftly rising from "not bad" to "well done" and the other way around. The latter could be avoided as an issue if only my classmates were just less intelligent/not-so-full of spirit to shout out lucky guesses during recitations. Then again, I wouldn't have to worry about my rank if I was just so darn good enough, right? Well I guess that's not the case, but at least I have to try and try and try!

A year or two in a different high school can greatly change your view in life, seriously. After some time, I learned that things eventually die out, sometimes they just fade away, but the good thing about this world is that other pleasant things would stay forever. Just like me! I'm so fucking pleasant that I'm still so alive and kicking :D. (I'll smack your face with a sea bass if you disagree :|.)

And you probably noticed my 2-week blogging absence. Well I know, deep in your heart, that you're actually dying to read my superdupermegaultrahyper~~(©mysemi-whackychemteacher :)).)~~ comments about my new set of classmates that you'll eventually make an issue about and will be the gossip between all Bedan faculty members/student body! But tough luck, ~~bitchface~~, I'm not doing that ~~yet ;)~~. Sorry, but I've revised my blog's "main theme" from "The wonderful blog that gets many visits from my classmates because of my tactless backstabbing and hateful statements" to "A boring weblog about my everyday life" and I'll be getting my inspiration from the eternal goddess of imperviousness, BEA.

Yes, it's spelled as BEA, with the caps lock effect :).

Anyway, the second week of my tension-packed Junior year has passed and I've been doing all sorts of odd things such as pretending to be responsible, running for class vice president (which was later promoted to a greater ambition, class presidency. VOTE ME FOR 3-34 CLASS PRESIDENT!), getting pissed off by Reg's emo-try-hard-hairstyle, spamming everyone's offline message inbox with stupid group messages about voting me for class president and VOTING BEA FOR IVP & GAB FOR 3RD YEAR REP (nothing new with that) and singing my heart out for Sir Dedace :)). Perhaps the last one was a plead for a high project grade, but I don't want to expect too much.

~~I just wish that Reg's freakin' coffee-mixing and almond-pan-frying skills won't get a higher grade than the only decent talent I find in me :)).~~

With just a month or two left, my sister is almost finished packing up her luggage and is ready to leave for Europe. That means she's gonna get a better digicam and ~~I get to keep her 8.1 mega pixel camera with a 3.0" touch panel and 3x optical zoom + a Carl Zeiss Vario-Tessar (whatever that is :| I'm just typing what was written in the box :D.)!~~ The plus side about inheriting her digicam above all other things I could inherit from my dearest sister is that it's the only thing she has that is still in good condition and/or one piece. If I inherited something else, like her laptop, then I'll probably regret it :)).

This also means I'm free to use her camera in school for our Photography classes. I took pictures of some subjects in the school campus after classes and only got a few good macro shots. So when I went home, I asked my sister and explored the camera. It was then that I realized that I had to focus on the subject AND used that spot AF thing which is essential for getting a good macro image.

Well enough about that mini unreliable source of camera info you just got from yours truly, I have to start acting like a responsible student and do my homework to prevent tedious cramming sessions!

It might take another week or two before I can post again, but who knows? Something significant might just happen in this brief course throughwich lie all the verities and realities of my existence.

Oh, and another thing. I have an active multiply account now and I'm cross-posting all my posts to my multiply.

It's nothing special.

2008-06-14T19:58:00.003+08:00

I'm finished wasting my saliva by adding an abnormal and unnecessary suffix in every word I speak in front of my family. I can't live my life being condemned and labelled as "The Loving Youngest Son" in this family. I just can't. Maybe it's my mother's genes acting up deep within my ever-evident varicose veins or maybe I just find the great attention everyone else is getting so intimidating. Whatever the reason, I don't need it anymore. Not a single bit of it.

I've gotten over the whole "I won't be able to live if I'm separated" brain-damaging disaster and it's just not because I'm not fully separated. I've probably realized that my life doesn't simply revolve around the people I see every day, but what really would matter is how I make myself satisfied with the entirety of my life. People change, but they're always there. Even death won't make them disappear in my memories and I've finally got that to sink into my brain.

My own "road to hell" has started, on that day, on that room, on that seat. And it will all meet a bloody end one way or another.

I wasn't excited about it or anything; my thoughts were more concentrated on the fact that this is "The most crucial year of my high school life." But I eventually found myself finishing preparing for school earlier than usual, seeking the campus’ atmosphere. And after all the commotions, it finally came to me that my life would probably change sooner than I expected it to be. Heh, I’m typing out words here that I doesn’t even have a slightest relation to what I really think. I’m speechless, go figure.

Though things may be sad and didn't turn out as perfect as I hoped it to be, I'm still fortunate enough to be faced with... Decent teachers. Despite my thoughts admitting that I find most of my teachers intimidating and somewhat creepy (Feelings brought to you by my history teacher's eerie smiles and gestures), I am more than happy that I won't be hearing the same boring voices and teaching skills from yesteryear.

I didn't really catch that feeling of having to make new friends which is, might I add, is a very colorful and interesting fear/experience (call it whatever you want) that can force me to write an autobiography, which in fact is nearly impossible thanks to my constant memory lapses here and there.

Before I bid farewell to you, my loving reader, take note of my new skin. It's the only decent FFVII skin I can find and you have to admit, it's nice. I can't categorize myself as a "fan" of Final Fantasy 7 or the series itself due to the fact that I don't like the sound of the word accompanying my name. But that is, of course, up to you to decide.

Could it be that we have been this way before?

Pandaren's Box.

2008-05-25T17:55:00.003+08:00

What would you do if you saw a panda in a sneezing fit? Would you laugh and think it's cute? Would you stare at it and look so depressed that the panda is... "suffering"? Or maybe you're the kind who would post comments detesting everyone's reactions with overreacting statements about God, His creations and comparing a sneezing animal to childbirth? Oh, and not to forget about the shitty grammar and spelling!

Yeah, so I was bored and was looking at Yahoo!'s featured news where they show a video of a sneezing panda. It was flooded with comments such as "Awww, it's so cute." and "Poor thing, he should go see the vet." but what really caught my eye was that whore of a spammer looking for a sugar daddy and that guy who fusses about God a little too much.

Well, I don't want to fight the forces that lie ahead if I continue, so I suggest you just go to the site yourself and skim through the comments if you're kinda interested. View it here.

My summer vacation's about to end, Christian's finally gonna come back home soon and I could finally take a break from account sitting him in Tribal Wars. I've wasted 2 months of my life doing trivial things and I can't even feel that I have to prepare for my future. Well, let's just pray that my soul can survive the rest of my life. Amen.

You're invincible, yeah it's true.

Hollow Being.

2008-05-10T20:43:00.002+08:00

~~Happy Halloween, underlings! This is Janvic's inner self telling you to fuck the hell off my blog!!! Fwheeeee!~~

*insert a loud thumping sound here*

Oh, yeah, hi there...

So....

Why are you here?...

Oh, him?

He's just my inner self acting up again...

Don't mind him...

But hey...

I've been dead and empty for more than a month...

But... WTF?

You're still here...

Well, heh, I can't blame you...

After all, you're still you...

Well, there you have it. I'm now starting to insert random lines from various songs that you pro'lly never heard of into my words of wisdom. Now isn't this nice? My summer's about to end and I'm still slacking off, sitting in front of the computer for more than 8 hours... But that doesn't really matter now, does it?

Well... Hmmmm.... How should I start? I've been practically "dead" for a month now, right? I should make my comeback somehow "pleasing," uhhh, right? I still have 3 more freaking weeks to burn and I'm thinking of spending them by reviewing for my upcoming college entrance exams (Well, I'm still a year a away, but I guess it wouldn't hurt if I didn't... I mean everyone else is kinda starting too, right?)! So yeah, my fate will be determined by how well I perform this year and on which college I'll be entering.

Enough about that... Well, let me tell you why I died for one month. Hm, I dunno. After I finished FFVII, I sorta became obsessed about the thing and started downloading its prologues and epilogues. Heh, I thought it would be better to have something... "exotic" to be obsessed about other than the usual animes such as Bleach and Naruto. I mean, since ABS-CBN aired Naruto on their fucked up channel and dubbed it with annoying far-from-reality voices, you see almost every mindless child copying those stupid hand seals... OH AND DON'T EVER GET ME STARTED ON THOSE LOVELESS GIRLS WHO'D "PROTECT THEIR BELOVED SASUKE TO DEATH." Anyway, after that, I started playing DotA a lot and I started playing another PS1 RPG. Breath of Fire III, I assume you've never heard of it... Well, it doesn't matter.

So the fact that those two games already have background music in them, I don't need to go to my blog to listen to my playlist (and now that I am, I'm kinda missing these songs again). Hence, I don't blog. Besides, I'm too busy playing to attend to your reading needs... LOL.

Well, that's about it. I'm now done struggling with the fact that my cellphone has been loadless (Thanks to Christian) for I am finally fully loaded (HAHA). The only problem is that Christian's being emo, locking himself in his room in Iloilo (No, I'm not serious) so his cellphone can't receive any messages or missed calls. So I have no one to talk to since Reg isn't a very good textmate. WAHAHAHA!!!

Can, you, help, me, FIIIIND a way to carry on again.

Meaning to my Life.

2008-04-08T16:23:00.003+08:00

It's miraculous... That despite the billions of humans that are already in existence, we're still able to find a handful of people who give meaning to our lives.

I haven't been posting in my blog lately. I've become busy recently and I'm planning on telling what made me so busy the past few days. So continue reading as you waste hours of your precious life reading my life put into words by yours truly.

So the last thing I was talking about was my movie-watching experience, right? So yeah, after that, I continued to watch and download even more movies such as 300, Meet the Fockers and Meet the Spartans. I've downloaded other movies like The Da Vinci Code and Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End, but I seem to lack the motivation to watch any of those two movies since I've recently enthralled myself by downloading an "enhanced PSX emulator" which lets me play PS1 (Yeah, the crappy and oldest version of the Play Station series) CDs in my computer. So as I've said before, I've been stuffing my eyes with images of disfigured chibi characters named as Cloud Strife, Tifa Lockheart, Barret Wallace, Aeris Gainborough, Red XIII, Yuffie Kisaragi, Cait Sith, Vincent Valentine and Cid Highwind.Yeah, I've mentioned the word "disfigured" since the graphics suck seeing as it's the "first installment of the Final Fantasy series to have been playable in a Sony Play Station game console." The preceding installments had better graphics, though. Also, FFVII had a prequel which is playable in PSPs. Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core. Ever heard of it? I badly want to play it but we're too poor to have a PSP and "there's no such thing as a working PSP emulator" as my sister says.

Anyway, I'm still playing the first out of three discs (Yes! PS1 games were burned into 700MB CD-R's unlike the DVDs of PS2's you know and love) and my brother who is absolutely hyped up about me playing the freaked up game has told the whole plot of the game since he has played this multiple times years ago. I'm not even near the half of the game and I already know what will happen in the end! Damn spoiler, he's always there at my back whenever I'm playing and I can't seem to get rid of him. He'll often ask where I am already in the game and is so "proud of me" because I'm owning the game without the use of a GameShark. He's obsessed. It's normal for him to be that annoying sometimes. No one can change him 'cause his brain really functions that way.

Jade Rachele Garcia. Bachelor of Science in Applied Math, Major in Computational Science. Magna Cum Laude.

Hearing that makes me proud that I'm related to someone that smart. The whole family, along with my cousin who's a journalist and her son, my nephew who has a wild imagination, attended my sister's long and boring Graduation ceremony. Speeches from various successful people, such as the owner of "Splus(Splash)" bored the living hell in all of us. After the long and boring handling of fake diplomas (Yes, they were REALLY just pieces of blank paper with blue ribbons), we went to Serendra to eat at a French restaurant. I dunno. They just like it that way. Prior to the ceremony itself, we ate lunch at The Old Spaghetti house. It was okay, but the dessert made me forget that I didn't want to get fat. Two Colossal Chocolate Chip Cookies?, no, that's not what it's called. I just forgot the name but it was close to that. Anyway, my sister and I shared one of those sumptuous freshly baked cookies surrounded by chocolate syrup and topped with a cold scoop of ice cream. It took them some time to make it, but I don't wonder why. I mean, I guess you need 15 minutes to be able to put a scoop of ice cream on sizzling hot cookie dough, right?

April 1. That day, was "Deliberation Letter day" as Bea says. I got up with all my strength and went on my way to school. I was not very early, but I wasn't very late either. We've planned on going to another computer shop and play DotA to our heart's content, again. For some odd reason, my friends decided to trick me into believing that they already have their deliberation results already and that they were already on their way to the computer shop. It was fine for me, I didn't really mind even if I was still on my way to the school, I could just tell my dad to get the car's ass off to wherever my friends were. I kept on asking where the hell they were going to play and I didn't get a single reply. I smirked as I thought that they were absolutely trying to fool me for some inexplicit reason. For fun, perhaps?

I told my dad to wait just in case they did go off without me, and to no one's surprise, they were at the Mendiola hall, waiting for instructions where to go and smiling as they thought how gullible Janvic was. "I knew it" I thought as I went off to their direction.

Moments later, we saw Sir Baguinon clicking the buttons on that microphone which produced the sound that we here every time there are pointless announcements to be made.

"Attention students, please proceed to your fucked up classrooms to meet with your loving advisers so that you could grab the shitty piece of paper which may hold the words that spell 'DEATH' to some of you." The old teacher uttered as we all proceeded to our classrooms and had a friendly chat as we waited for our stupid pieces of paper.

Me, Christian, Reggie, Ivan, Calvin and Jobie. We went to the computer shop next to LBC and played one round of DotA.

"Naka Divine na si SK!" It wasn't before long that Magnataur and Mirana raped my character and my Divine Rapier fell to the ground. That was the last of us. With that much damage, we were pwned.

We ate lunch at McDonald's and played some more. Ivan and Jobie went home after some time, and Calvin was called home by his driver. That leaves the three of us. Suddenly, some older guy joined our game and I had to team up with him. We lost all the games since I didn't know a single hero that I randomed. Besides, we barely talked to each other, so I couldn't ask what items I had to use on those fucking heroes. After all that, we ate one last time and went home.

We planned on playing again when the report cards are supposed to be released, but then, Christian would be busy at that time since they were supposed to spend the rest of their April in Iloilo, eating prawns the size of mustard seeds. Calvin didn't reply soon enough that he couldn't come with us, so it was only the three of us. The minute I reached Reggie's village, I walked back to Christian's direction so that I could meet up with him. I didn't want to wait all alone under that freakishly hot sun, so I chose to walk and thought of it as a form of exercise.

We played DotA and other games such as Anime Wars and TD elemental... *insert the correct name here*. Bah, I got owned in the other games since I would always be teamed up with an AI (TT_TT) but I owned them in the Anime Wars game single-handedly. They didn't stand a chance against Cloud's Cross-slash which stuns the enemy with every hit and even Ichigo's Tensa Zangetsu could be countered with a fearsome Omnislash. Kenshin never stood a chance unless they teamed up and damaged me together. Heh, they can't have fun whenever I win. So some time later, we played with a bunch of lifeless adults who hung out the computer shop all day. They owned teh shiiit out of us in DotA in just one game. Pfft, such lowlifes need to find jobs instead. After all that, we followed the usual routine and walked to Reggie's house where I ate the burger steak that I accidentally bought. I was supposed to buy a Cheeseburger value meal, but I was out of my self and said "K2" instead of "B2". Heh, Christian was being his usual self and hogged much of the Lei's Hershey's Kisses (I don't want to say it without the "Hershey's" 'cause that may sound like another thing.). Since we were both full, we just watched Reggie play with his neighbor and his siblings as we sat on the cold pavement. Reg wrote "Janvic Garcia Reg wrote "Janvic Garcia *heart* [censored]" on the ground for no good reason. I just wish it would rain soon enough that it could be washed away already. After that, we went home and things have gone as they were.

We'll be going to Subic tomorrow until Saturday, and Christian's trip to Iloilo has been postponed until Thrusday. I'm no longer aware if they have any plans of playing again even without me :(.

So yeah, have a great vacation.

And the sun will set for you.

Everlasting Presence.

2008-04-03T22:24:00.002+08:00

Don't fear. I'll always be here...

I'm just lacking the motivation to post everything since I'm currently preoccupied with playing FF VII. So yeah, my days have been less boring than usual and I'll tell you about it... Soon.

Can you hear me scream?

Mind-numbing Nonsense.

2008-03-26T19:30:00.003+08:00

If everything turned out as I wanted it to be, I would be enjoying life and forgetting this little shitty webpage forever... I guess no one just can't get everything they wanted.

My body clock's been badly distorted lately, and I'm not liking it. Recently, I've been departing from the computer a lot earlier than before. Normally, I'd sleep around 5 AM and wake up at 4 PM or something, but for some inexplicit reason, I've been going to bed at around 11 PM. Well, there's nothing wrong with that, right? But the only reason why I've been experiencing slight headaches and why I eat my breakfast at 12 PM, my lunch at 5 and my dinner at some time later is that I simply couldn't fall asleep whenever I'm already lying on my freakin' bed. I always have something in my mind whenever I stare into the darkness of my room's ceiling. Just now I've been driving myself crazy thinking about her and how I couldn't stop bringing her into my mind... Okay dude, enough about that. I'm just not the expressive type of guy who could use a lot of mushy-mushy "love words" and all that fuck just to produce awestruck readers. I'll just end up making myself look pathetic if I dare to continue.

Well I've been wasting my life watching multiple movies I've downloaded via Azureus. I've watched 3 Naruto movies which have no relevance to the plot in any way whatsoever and they all had the "I will never abandon my important friends" theme shown in many ways. The one I hated most was the 2nd movie. It used so many shitty and corny non-ninja powers which made the whole plot suck like hell. The next thing I watched was Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix. Yeah, it took me years before I could finally see another product of J.K. Rowling's masterpiece and I sound pathetic talking about it now that the movie died along with its predecessors.

Similar to my Harry Potter-watching experience, I also watched the movie "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" just now. Yeah, it's been a while and it's not really that worth it. It was really meant for little children who would have their eyes widened upon seeing a talking beaver. The witch died with just one bite from the lion on her face. That sucked, man. And I thought the witch was all powerful, pfft. It was too kid-friendly that everything was simple and dumbed down. I didn't like it very much :(.

I'd like to further criticize the movies I've just watched to the fullest of my capabilities, but I'm simply running out of time for that. Now it's time for me to watch even more movies until my eyes finally pop out! Up next: 300. Enjoy your life now before I become part of it and smack the living daylights out of you =).

The day I knew you would leave, I could barely breathe.

Boredom's Anathema.

2008-03-24T14:32:00.008+08:00

It's been a while, did you miss me? Guess not. Okay then...

I have no idea why they have such and odd way to represent the song. Go figure.

I just realized that the Catholics' "Holy Week" is now over. I didn't really realize that kids have been recently wasting their childhood lives with pointless "Easter Egg Hunts." I've been isolated from the real world for so many days now that I happened to have lost my sense of date and time. Since we're so poor and all, my family has decided to stop using the television. I don't have any idea why or how long this will last, but I assume that the answer is as simple as forever. I don't care anyway, it was better to live a television-less life than to watch some 'tards laugh their hearts out with corny cliches on TV shows such as "Eat Bulaga" and "Wowowee" on a daily basis. We don't have cable 'cause we already have DSL, so having no TV for days didn't really matter. Besides, I already have a computer to hog. Other than that, I've been locked up inside the house since the last day I saw Christian and Reggie. The only time we're going out of town this summer is on April 9. I have to spend some days in Subic with my family, my loving cousin and my nephew who gets along with my brother so well. Sounds fun, I just hope I don't encounter any teachers along the way =|.

~~Enough about me, how about you? Have you been eating well? How's you're life?~~ Well I really don't care about you right now. All I'm concerned with is catching up to the latest episode of Naruto Shippuuden and watching multiple movies I'll soon be downloading... So yeah, that's my boring life. I'll be posting something more sensible someday, just wait. Oh, and I'll probably be giving a inhumanly long narration of my significant sophomore life. You can now go to a beach and burn your skin off or something. Have fun dude.

I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.

To Never Look Back.

2008-03-21T17:47:00.004+08:00

I turn back and see a deserted room, cold and unbearable...

My life is simply perplexing, really. I hate my past and I cling to the present in hopes of a better tomorrow. I yearn greatly to change my life but the people around me simply bring back my past which I detest from the very depths of my heart. Everything, yes, I want everything that happened before October 2007 to be forgotten for the rest of eternity.

Honestly, I wouldn't really change this much if God didn't give me friends like Christian and Reginald, seriously. I couldn't imagine what I would've ended up being if I was still the way I was in the beginning. I may not be pleased with my current state, but it's a hell lot better than what I could've been. I still have a lot ahead of me, and hopefully, by the time my life comes to an end, I have reached the peak of contentment.

Anyway, I'd like to continue narrating my past struggles with fate and time. If I may be so bold, I'd like to start with a brief continuation of the other day's overview and then proceed to my current battles with boredom and idleness. Exams, projects, assignments and everything unimaginable for a simpleton's brain to handle, all of those were bombarded to us when the academic year was about to end. Thankfully, God gave me the undying strength to endure all that torture. When the end of exams marked the end of my sophomore days, we "celebrated" by playing DotA at NCC. They're addicted to it, hell yeah. Christian, Reggie, Miguel, Rod, Raymond Cruz and I played for hours, man. Rod and Raymond went home early while the rest of us played a little more and all went home after all that.

The following day was alloted in recognizing certain students for their achievements in their different "organizations." I was unfortunately part of it. I spent 2 hours with my dad just to get a piece of bronze-colored scrap metal that signifies the unreliable fact that I am an active participant in the class. The people who voted for me and everyone else obviously didn't know what a "Homeroom Award" was for. My classmates were unaware that they should have voted for people who were actually contributing something significant to the class and that they shouldn't base everything on the class ranking. Angela, like I, bagged the shitty bronze medal when in retrospect, she always just sat in the middle of the classroom and stared at the table all day. I wasn't any different, and I regret going there for the 2 hours of my precious sleeping time was eaten by that insignificant event. When I got home, my sister was using the computer as if she didn't have her own. She was watching Family Guy, as usual, and I watched with her as I waited. I forgot to bring my cellular phone with me to the Recognition Day so I just realized after an hour that Christian messaged me to inform me that we're going to play DotA with Rod and Reggie, again. I seriously had a hard time convincing my mom on going with them, but after many quarrels, she just had to give in 'cause I was pissing her off already. We spent hours playing then we went to the Lei Household, as usual. We played basketball and Christian and I watched Reggie and Rod play NBA on their PS2. Then we went home like we usually did, and after that my days have been boring.

All I've been doing is practice my DotA-failing skills, play The Sims 2, play Tribal Wars and watch Naruto Shippuuden. VizMedia fucking licensed all the good animes so I had to download VeohTV just to watch half-decent episodes of Bleach and Naruto Shippuuden. I guess this is why my brother always frowns upon commercialism. Heh, life. I'll continue my boring and miserable life now, have fun with yours :|.

Let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster.

Overviews of my Lifetime.

2008-03-19T12:28:00.005+08:00

Almost a month has gone by... A month of silence, a month of solitude, a month of confining my thoughts into a cell located in such an unbearably lonesome hell where cold flames burn deep into your bones. And a multitude, yes, a multitude of problems have been bombarded into my ass since the past weeks. Thus, I was forced to neglect my unimportant obligation to record my thoughts and experiences into this webpage alloted solely for my use.

"How are things going?" I asked myself. "Not very well." I bluntly responded, as always.

Allow me to start this long and boring record a few days before I stopped posting... It was the 22nd or 23rd of February or probably the 1st of March, and all I could remember was we went to Reginald's place for some apparent reason. We were supposed to accomplish something but I can't clearly remember what, our scrapbook, perhaps? I can recall that we did our usual routine whenever we raid the Lei household: Do a little of the project, walk to the computer shop and play DotA, play basketball, watch as they engross themselves with their PS2 and then go home. These were the core events of our weekly schedule, but they're usually rearranged or some may be omitted whenever the time we have is insufficient.

I refused to record everything that happened in my weblog for I was more than lazy to do all that writing shit. I had plans to do so, but one significant incident in my life gravely changed my situation.

He was discussing an unexciting branch of Mathematics to the class, when for some incomprehensible reason, he uttered these words to the class, "Blablablablabla, Sikretong Malupet. Blablablabla, I clicked the link then blablablabla..." As shocked as I have become, many, many more related events followed. My slanderous and libelous words have become my apparent demise.

I barely remember anything that happened, as I have vowed to be careful whenever I try to bash seemingly greater beings, but all I could remember is the reason which led me into saying such things. The world inflicts too much pressure, and I needed to blame the people who mainly cause these nuisances. My immature reason was very simple, and I have pondered for a while and swore to forget it someday. Everything has been resolved, so it would be meaningless if I were to continue revolting, right?

Anyway, when things have settled down, a sudden thought rushed to my brain. I couldn't help but think why the world was against me, why my words have been nothing more than a double-edged sword. After pondering for much time, I have come to a logical and reasonable question.

My rage and logical reasoning has been embodied by an image that rests in my brain as a twin-headed dragon named Jakiro. This image perpetually seeks justice and everlastingly shouts, "Why must the general public see the worst of me? Why must they all see what I say wrong concerning my fellowmen and not the reason why I hate the world as it is? Why can't anyone understand that my past has been more harsh than I am today?!"

They see what I say wrong about them, but they ignore the fact that I have much problems to face. They read my life but they only wait for the time where I curse everyone around me, not for the time where I sob over the thought of solitary confinement... The world's simply unfair....

You could 'cause you can so you do.

My Prolonging Continuity.

2008-03-18T15:48:00.003+08:00

Be it as it may, my life has ceased to be idle. Moments of this life of mine I shall relay, maybe tomorrow but never today. Watch as I record the words of my undying thought, and how I refuse to keep all my sorrows to myself.

Face the wrath of my comeback.

A Tale of Depreciation.

2008-02-24T20:45:00.004+08:00

I welcome my nearing end with a subtle smile which hides all of the pain and misery engraved deep within my heart. To leave and start anew is too unimaginable for me to bear, nor is the thought of giving up and letting go. The sole things that I can hold on to are the memories that would forever linger in my head as I continue my struggle with fate. Memories that would bring me back to the moments I've so longed for, attained and lost in the end. As the hours fly over me, I venture off into even greater uncertainty. And with that I conclude that my days are finally numbered.

The momentary joy I felt from being rescued from the unspeakable realm of solitude, the joy that reached its peak is now deteriorating as I speak and sob over lost time. I knew this day would come, but I always convinced myself to look into the bright side of things and make the best out of every given moment that I am to be more than contented. Though now that so much minutes have been wasted and so many days have gone by, I couldn't help but mourn over my demise once I leave my second year high school life and enter a new journey off to nowhere. I pity myself for being so helpless. The fact that my unbearably lonely past still haunts me up to this date forces me to cling to the people who've become so important to me. And so, if ever I am destined to part from my closest friends, then my whole life is bound to be useless.

More than two years ago, my mother bought a desktop for my sister, it was priced heftily since it was "very much advanced" at that time. Now that it has lost its once prestigious luster, it fucks up most of the time and it had to be repaired so often. The piece of trash recently crashed and had to be taken to the repair shop so many times that I got so fed up and convinced my parents to buy me a new computer. The bank people lost their minds and initiated their "I'll multiply the amount in your credit card by 3" promo again and I was so fortunate that everything occurred so timely. That fateful Thursday evening, "our" new PC was set up. It was so damn fucking cool, dude. The monitor had a shocking size, I never imagined that such a thing existed. I've dealt with my ancient computer for so long that my knowledge for other elctronic advancements was restricted so greatly that I was absolutely flabbergasted upon seeing the 22" monitor. Everything was great and I was simply overwhelmed by the computer's magnificence that customizing it to my heart's contentment simply clogged up my schedule and I was unable to post in my blog for so long.

I'll continue narrating my past struggles with fate tomorrow, right now I have to live up to my mother's expectations and start taking care of myself a lot more. Everyone around me is attempting to take away my contentment and is forcibly pushing me back into the realm of solitude in various detestable ways. Why is the world against me being happy for once?

And when it rains, will you always find an escape?

Nearing Abomination.

2008-02-19T21:56:00.003+08:00

For so long have I been departed from this primitive result of modernization. Hours perhaps. Though it may seem so short for the typical individual, a lifeless imbecile who can never live without the presence of a computer, such as I, would probably be at the brink of death by now. Blame me for failing at discovering something much more worthwhile, but fear not, my seemingly incompetent reasons would probably be sufficient for the average human. I for one prefer to be in front of the computer, scowling and being cold to everyone nearby, rather than watching pointless television programs brought to you by two major television networks which never stop on quarreling over useless numerical data. That's not all, dude, there exists those numskulls who'd fight till their death just to point out that Marimar's so hot and is a lot better than whoever. Screw me, be angry or even stone me to death but never forget what I've just said. Always bear in mind that anyone who'd go too far just to protect a mass-media corporation who sucks away the living brain cells and not to mention, our freakin' money and time from us all is just far more pathetic than I.

I roam in this world unarmed. My only defense, my feeble and incoherent words that strike a hypocritical terror to the hearts of those whom I close my doors to. I am surrounded by idiots who suck the resources out of my possessions and seemingly make it their own. I don't hold any grudge to any of my closest friends who seemingly abuse my whole existence. In some point in my life, I've decided to take a path to serve those who I deem important to me to the best of what I can. It's the fate I chose and I am to live with it remorselessly. Thus, I shall bluntly and determinedly carry out this indirect message which wields an emotion that is somewhere near to hatred. It's my paper, it's my liquid eraser, it's my stapler, if I don't want you to borrow it, then fuck off and get your own. "Don't call me selfish if you wish not to be deemed parasitic, irresponsible and abusive", I sometimes whisper to myself in annoyance. I had my point, I've spent too much just to get in this school, why should I spend much more for people I have no concern of? This situation was getting out of hand, and I couldn't help but urge in indirectly telling every single one of you to stay away from my property unless it is never against my will.

My day was started with utmost pressure and ended with regrets, regrets of ending it so lifelessly and so insignificantly. Our English teacher, so little and wise, instructed us to make a poem, a romantic poem. ~~To be partnered by Ernesto in such an activity was practically an insult on my part, no, I'm just kidding.~~ I was pressured, my partner barely had a use and the idea of making poems was very much overused that I've lost my once existent creativity. But nevertheless, inspiration had flown through my arteries and it was simply overwhelming. I was able to make a half-decent poem on my own, I've cut out some bits and pieces from my rejected Cub Recorder audition piece and added some words that would most likely be synonymous to my uneasy situation...

I knew that I've been feeling something for her. I knew that I wanted to stay so close to her. I knew that deep in my heart, there's this word that is waiting to be expressed but simply cannot. I knew that I wanted to care for her more than the world, I wanted to care for her with all my life... I knew that... I... I've fallen more than just deeply... Though I knew all this time that it would never work out, to think that it was not meant to be was very probable...

It's fascinating how a simple HTML tag paved the way for someone so unexpected to discover the webpage that contains the records of my undying struggle in this world. I faced them with a smile as the unexpected visitor bluntly implied that he understood what I was talking about and that I was merely expressing my point of view. That smile, that ever hypocritical smile, the gesture that I'm so fond of showing even when it means the exact opposite whenever I'm almost drowning in embarrassment and/or shame. It was inevitable, I was never too keen on making eye contact and just looked away so often even when I'm conversing with someone I so close to me. Everyone looked at me, I felt too conscious. Ultimately, I was seated on the center of the room, their different expressions bothered me until the lesson was continued and everyone momentarily forgot what just happened.

I'm not inclined to sports of any kind, basketball was never an exception. Expect nothing from me when I'm holding the ball, the only thing I could do in absolute mediocrity is to be a hindrance for one of the players to keep him away from the ball to the fullest of my non-existent abilities. I'd prefer jogging around the Jarrow hall 100 times, 100 sit-ups and 20 push ups a day than to play basketball with a bunch of good players. It's just not me.

This love is killing me.

Such Savageness.

2008-02-16T00:56:00.005+08:00

Indeed, my mother's observations were never remote from the truth. In retrospect, I've been depriving myself ~~a little too much~~... Excuse me, "a little too much" is an intolerable understatement, I believe that "I've been depriving myself so much that I've crossed the line, I've gone overboard and nothing good would result from this masochism" would sound much more credible. I'm simply making this uneasy situation of mine even more unbearable! How stupider can I get? I should start convincing myself that my mother's surprisingly right, well sometimes.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day and I insignificantly wasted my time on pointless MMORPGs with my friends. Occasions like these never mattered to me, really, the only memorable Valentine's I had was when I was a thoughtless second grader. Dude, I had a crush on this girl and almost everyone knew about it. I even thought that I was in love at such an early age! Whoo, so there was this Valentine's program and my adviser asked 4 of us, the girl, Alfonso, his crush and I to bring a flower and chocolates. Dude, they asked us to kiss in front of the first graders and the rest of my batch! I remember almost every single detail of it, even the song that played during that event, and for some reason, I ended up cursing Adam and Eve for that day. Dude, madami akong karibal, biruin mo, grade 2 palang kami, madugo na ang labanan para sa isang babae lang? Kagago aba, tinawagan nga ako nung isa e. I just chose to ignore his threats since felt dizzy and guilty for kissing her in the cheek without any hesitations and slept it off. Oh well, past is past and we've all forgotten about this useless memory, let's not make a big deal out of this, shall we?

So yeah, during the "Teachers' Love Day" celebration, I kept on looking at her and punching Christian for no apparent reason. It seemed to be some kind of uncontrollable form of releasing the tension I felt from my pounding heart, seriously. Yun, hanggang tingin nalang ako. The celebration ended and at first, Reginald didn't want me to come with them, which was really fine for me, but I really needed to do something to effectively get her off my mind for some time. Sinabi na rin nung kasama nila na isama na ako, para may makain sila. So we played DotA and I sucked, as usual. Then Ivan left, followed by Darwin and only Christian, Reggie, Renz and I played. We ended by playing 2 games of Pudge Wars. Light struck my monitor which made it hard for me to see the other players' side, tough luck. Then my insignificant Valentine's Day ended there.

Walang araw na inilaan ang Diyos na hindi nila pinag-uusapang ang DotA. Seryoso, bago mag-assembly, habang nag-aassembly, recess at lunch. Siguro kahit hanggang sa service nila, DotA parin! Wala talagang kasawa-sawa ang kapanahunang ito sa namumutakteng laro na nahahanap sa iba't ibang teknolohiyang naglipana na sa mundong ito. I'll just leave this topic alone and try not to hold a grudge against this never-ending addiction for MMORPGs. As the saying goes, "All work and no play makes Jack ~~unhappy, not gay~~ and Jill dull and fucked up children."

So yeah, I entered the classroom as the rest of them blabbed about the magnificence of DotA as if they were absolutely enthralled. Long after the morning assembly, the 2nd and 4th year students assembled at the Mendiola hall to board their respective buses so that we may all go and have fun at CCP. By the power vested on Lora by the wonderful prefect, he savagely took away the smile on my face by making me a loner. That bastard separated Christian and some other people from our bus to 2-24's, as instructed by the not-so-almighty Taruc. Ian and company refused to be separated from Egamino and whoever, I grabbed the chance and volunteered to be on that bus but Lora simply declined. It was great, Miguel sat with me out of pity as he blabbed about Ragnarok with his 2-23 friends. The exact reason why I wanted to be on the same bus as Christian's. He would've simply kept silent whilst staring outside, I mean, such silence is much, much more preferable compared to Miguel's pointless negotiations. Dude, he was selling pixels for real money. It's not surprising, though, too many people exist for nothing in this world that they'd be willing to waste 50 Php for something so useless. Bibili ka ng malakas na item para sa Ragnarok gamit ang tunay na pera, lumakas ka nga sa laro, pero anong napala mo? Nakakagagong isipin ang masamang epekto ng computer games sa kabataan ng makabagong panahon. Seryoso ako, eto bang mga gagong umaaligid sa kung saan-saan ang tunay na pag-asa ng bayan natin?!

I was even more convinced that the Philippines was hopeless when I saw the rock musical. Honestly, it was all good. The fact that only 14 people played various roles for 3 hours and memorized all those lines, it was outstanding, really. I'm too lazy to relay its idealistic message to one and all, so it would be best if I move on.

So the musical ended, we ate at Chowking, dude. Christian and Ivan left before us since they had a different bus, while I waited for Reggie to finish eating. We went back to the bus and there were really few people, so I convinced Reginald to come with me to Starbucks by treating him 40 Php. Madami akong pera nung araw na yun e, at sayang naman kung 'di ko magagamit, babalik lang naman kasi sa nanay ko yun, kaya nanlibre nalang ako. Bumalik na kami sa bus at bumalik na kami sa Beda. Dude, antatakaw ng mga kaklase ko, yung tira kong Chow Fan at Caramel Frappuccino, pinagsaluhan nila. Their decencies were absolutely non-existent, really. They all tried to piss me off by asking to take a sip out of my caffeinated beverage. Dude, I'd never be willing to do that for Christian or Reggie, why them? Antitigas na nga ng mga mukha nilang makakopya ng assignment, lalo lang nilang pinanindiganan yun sa paghihingi nila ng pagkain ko kahit wala naman kaming pinagsamahan. Whooo, mga tao nga naman talaga, kung si Christian katabi ko, mahihiya yun at 'di hihingi, 'di tulad ni Miguel. *sighs* Bahala na, ganun talaga ang mundo, punong-puno ng buraot =P. So yeah, I went straight to my service and laughed as Bea's friends made jokes about kids having sex and all that. Dude, they were disgusting but funny, really funny.

And to end this text-heavy post, I bid farewell to you all, my "beloved" readers for no apparent reason whatsoever. Goodbye.

Take these chances to turn it around.

This Being An Eyesore.

2008-02-13T23:11:00.002+08:00

Apparently, I'm here to talk about nothing sensible for the nth time. Well, you should be glad that I'm attempting to appease your undying thirst for something worthwhile. Though I can't guarantee that you'll find this post anywhere near from the word "worthwhile." Nevertheless, brace yourselves for a concise, pointless and, dare I say, boring narration of my wasted life. So here it goes, have fun.

Christian just wouldn't let me borrow any money so that I can buy something for her, so yeah, I have to find another way to get some money without the knowledge of my family. By the way, if you're thinking that she's no different from her, then you're making a great mistake. Past is past and things change, you aren't given the right to know whom I admire, so fuck off will ya? Though past may be past, I still won't reveal the identity of the first her simply because it would bring about negative reactions in her part if ever the world suddenly learns who she is. So you get my point, I can't trust anyone but Christian, go figure.

Pardon me if I seem so incompetent lately. I seem to be at a loss of words and simply can't think of a good comeback that could make it seem that the people I'm opposing are wrong and that I am right even when the truth is the exact opposite. Simply put, I'm practically speechless. So I'll end my post here.

I'll keep you deep inside, you're always in my heart.

Unbelievably Sane.

2008-02-12T21:42:00.000+08:00

Dude, I've gone mad, I've completely lost my sanity, my ability to sever the impossible from reality is now void. Why must my weary heart be tortured with this thought, this treacherous and unbearable thought? Oh, life sucks dude. I prefer not to let anyone but this one person know what I'm talking about. So if your seemingly infinite curiosity just wouldn't cease, then get away from my face and keep the questions to yourself.

To keep my mind away from this said "treacherous and unbearable thought", allow me to narrate my lifeless and stupid day. So today was the "fun, exciting and ever-so-invigorating" English ~~day~~ hours! Prior to that stupid and lifeless event, we dissected frogs. I was given a small and hardened frog, therefore, I could barely distinguish the organs. After effortlessly opening the frog and playing with its hardened... guts, I went around and looked at the others' half-dead frogs! Theirs were cooler than mine, I mean, the heart was pumping! I wanted that too, but nooooo, I was handed a tiny frog soaked in formalin. Well, after getting acquainted with those magnificent creatures, the English hours followed.

We sat in the Jarrow Hall for so long and started a little late, I thought I left my closing remarks at the classroom and went back to look for it, and to my surprise, I suddenly remember that I put it in my pocket earlier. Well that's so smart of me :|.

I still can't fathom why the hell a radio play where the characters aren't really supposed to be seen had to wear costumes... It was pointless, really, they could've just renamed the contest to something other than a "radio play" if they wanted the characters to have costumes, right? Well, after the countless hours we've wasted on watching useless presentations, the English hours ended! They didn't even let me share my closing remarks which I worked so hard for! Well, that was fine for me, Christian was messing around with my speech and as I grabbed it, it got torn into two. I didn't want to read torn pieces of paper, so all is well that ends well.

Now I shall end my day with thinking about that "treacherous and unbearable thought" after I cram "our" statistical study's introduction. I get my inspiration from my past post, "The Mistake." That's where I got my title and I'll just re-phrase what I've written there. Wish me luck dude.

Let me tell you why I would die for you.

Relenting Doubts.

2008-02-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

Harmony, music, rhythm and melodies can give life to dull and simple words, but words that can perceive a million thoughts and solve a thousand problems can give life to life itself. Believe it or not, the constant thought of these principles I've cut and pasted from various experiences and cliches have empowered, inspired and motivated me to continue to prove my worth. To live, to prosper and to be equally important to the people who are important to you, that's the greatest goal I've made that is yet to be achieved. Live up to every given moment to be happy in your life , never untimely think about the uncertain future and die without any regrets.

Pardon me for my incompetence, excuse me for my ignorance and forgive me for my idleness. I was unable to relay the moments of my ever-so-valued life for the past few days due to inevitable obstructions, those being my undying laziness and my lack of free time. I do hope that you are well enough to comprehend my uneasy situation. Thank you for your cooperation.

Skimming through both various insignificant and significant moments of my limited days, I should say that none of them were worth relaying. Well, it's just my excuse for not remembering most of them, no matter how significant they are. So I'm forgetful, sue me.

Now as I search through the various events etched into my useless memory, allow me to tell you about this fun-filled week of lesser classes! I'd skip the details unless I remember them, though. Monday, math bazaar/camp. It was boring, stupid and wasteful of my precious time. Tuesday, convocation. My tardiness took the title of being a deportment awardee away from me, and Angela's sudden increase in her over-all average made me loose my title as the 3rd highest in 2-22. Wednesday, Ash Wednesday. There was a long and boring discussion with Lora and an even more boring mass. People couldn't eat meat and had ashes on their foreheads, but not me. Oh, and it was a half-day too. Thursday, nothing much, I went home and prepared for the field trip the next day.

So yeah, I asked my mom to buy me a pair of jogging pants 'cause the Garcias aren't very athletic that we wouldn't even need those pretty often. So I packed up my stuff and went to sleep. Waking up so early, I prepared myself to go to school. It was dark out, but the campus was brightly lit as I saw the many students getting all hyped-up over the trip. "It would be very boring", I thought as I asked around for Christian's whereabouts. I never need to ask where Reggie is 'cause I'm always so certain that Christian would always be clinging to someone else's presence, preferably Reginald's. Yeah, I assumed that Christian would pick Reginald over me, as usual, and asked other people if they could sit with me in the bus. Calvin agreed to do so, but our plans failed when Reginald chose to sit next to Ivan, leaving Christian with no one other than I =P.

Yeah, so we got on the fucked up mini-bus which was very much incomplete. It was small, had no curtains and on the left lane, there were 3 thin chairs while on the right, there were 2 thinner chairs. 'Di ako makaupo ng maayos, dude, ~~taba kasi ni Christian~~. Hahaha, I'm kidding. So yeah, there was a fucking corny "lakbay kalikasan" person to go along well with the fucked up bus. He had to raise his voice 'cause the bus was just so complete that it didn't even have a microphone! At that, his saliva ricocheted everywhere. That was... Nice.

First destination, Morong Church. We were given a sheet of folded paper that they consider as journals. Those things were supposed to help us more about the trip, but I think it was very useless. So yeah, they say that when you go to another church for the first time, you pray and make a wish. I couldn't believe in that since I'm not a Catholic, nor do I take superstitions too seriously, but I still made a wish. My wish is almost impossible, but something close to that may be attained eventually. After that, we went to Tanay Church. It was as boring as my experience in the first destination, but it was slightly different. Tatlo lang daw muna ang pupunta sa CR, e nauna na si Dacanay, tapos si Pu, tapos si Christian. Edi pagbalik nila, nagpasama nalang ako kay Calvin. The comfort room was so fucking nice, and I'm being sarcastic. Well, you can't expect much from an undeveloped and remote municipality, right? So yeah, there were stupid "pace meters" or something that no one took too seriously. I couldn't comprehend its purpose, so I just wrote random numbers they say on that piece of paper which they really consider as a "journal."

After a not-so-long ride to somewhere in Tanay, we went off the bus and walked to Kalinawan Cave. It was okay, I wasn't injured by any stalactites in the end, but I found it hard to walk in such not-so-flat and dark environments. In the end, the corny lakbay kalikasan guy told us to chant 'cause we've disturbed some non-existent elements. Turned out that we just made fools out of ourselves by chanting with him. Ang mas nakaka-gago dun, paglabas mo, umikot ka lang pala. I was actually fretting about how to go back earlier, but it was nice to experience going through a damp and narrow cave. Yeah, we paused near the entrance/exit of the cave and walked to Daranak Falls. It was a long, long walk which was meant to kill time. We walked through steep hills of dirt and water rapids from the falls. When we got to the bus, people started buying all of the Nestle ice cream vendor's stocks. We all ate our lunch and started swimming at the falls.

Reginald pushed me into the waters as I held on to him, bringing him down with me. At first, I still had my glasses on, but when I swam even further, I wasn't able to notice that it was already under the water, swimming with the rocks. I wasn't aware of this until Christian told me. I gave up on searching for it since too many people have went into the water, creating much, much waves that could've drifted my precious eyeglasses into oblivion. I tried to drown Reginald so many times, and in turn, he drowned me too. After some time, the rest of them gave in and went into the water too after being sprinkled by us. Christian just wouldn't go until Calvin did, and I'm not so certain why. I just couldn't drown Christian no matter how many times I try to, I even hurt his neck in an attempt to do so =P.

There was a little game of Tug-O-War too, but the opponent consisted of hyperactive teenagers who had over-excessive growth spurts. The winners were decided even before the game started, seriously, our fates were sealed. So anyway, after some time, we went back to the bus to change. After that, the corny lakbay kalikasan dude manifested his corny-ness.

We were supposed to be the first to be back at San Beda, but the driver made a wrong turn which made us later than another bus. That didn't matter, really, I just wanted to tell you something very insignificant. So I asked if Reggie and Christian wanted to go to McDo with me 'cause I had no service efficient enough to effortlessly take me home, but since they have a half-decent and responsible service, they declined. Christian was just too lazy to go home with the use of public transportation. Yun, kumain ako, andun si Miguel, nacommute, naligo, kinain ang tira-tirang junk food, naglaro, natulog. Oh yeah, and I am left to use my old glasses that are still half-decent. It lacks the sufficient, shall I say, magnification, but it would do for now.

My week ended just like that, and I can say that I'm more than contented with my apparent situation. When all hope is lost, just remember that there's still another tomorrow.

And here we go life's waiting to begin.

Glorious Defeat.

2008-02-05T21:20:00.000+08:00

The sweet, sweet taste of defeat. Learn to fucking love it. No matter how many times I stretch the very fabric of reality, my fate is sealed, I am surpassed by someone else. I guess it's just God's way of telling me to start putting my feet on the ground and learn how to accept the truth. Anyway, I trust that this sudden downfall wouldn't be the death of me. I trust that no matter how low I go, I'd still have my worth. I'll be able to get back what has been lost, eventually.

Cool, we had our convocation today. I never expected to get any more useless papers. I was late once, I didn't have a club, my friends are such good influences and Angela's starting to do better than I am. At that, I surprisingly got an Academic Distinction Award. Angela's the brand new Top 3 of 2-22 St. Romuald, and now I don't know how to tell my mom about it. I just hope and pray that she won't eat me up after learning that my once boastful attitude has been vanquished by defeat. Please pray for the safety of my soul and physical state.

A'right, Dominguez wants my fucked up closing remark to "jive" with Gab's wonderful opening remark concerning the dull orange Afro-Asian literature book. GREAT, MORE PRESSURE! My productive groupmates are already too fruitful to be of any use to our Science investigatory project, why put me in any more jeopardy? I can't blame them though, I never gave them any instruction. Don't get the wrong idea, you can't blame me either. Blame the shaved old guy over there, who never taught us how to do a formal investigatory project. Start spoon-feeding us, for fuck's sake, that's what we paid for! Well, not really, but as a teacher, it's his fucked up responsibility to guide his useless subordinates into the realm of efficiency, right?

Tomorrow... Or whenever would be the season of Lent, that of which is non-existent for us. I don't fucking care of what you do, but I refuse to have ashes on my forehead. It's already unclean, why add even more dirty ash from whoknowswhat to it? Seriously, where do they get the ash that they put on your foreheads...

Pardon me for questioning your beliefs, but hey, why must you abstain from eating meat and pork? Please do bear in mind that some beliefs from the Old Testament have been revised and nullified in the New Testament. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been taught that it's the teaching of the devil to prohibit someone from eating pork and I've never encountered a bible verse stating "Put a cross of ash on your forehead to signify that your bodies will not only turn into ash but your souls shall be saved and experience the afterlife." I don't read the bible that much, nor do I want a horde of comments telling me to fuck off your beliefs. I just want to be enlightened, please do so in a nice way.

Earlier ago, we had our final period, P. E. Cabuang made us run around the soon-to-be Plaza Benedictino or something. Christian jogged so slowly as I tried to run passed him. He was trying to stop me, so I accidentally tripped, thanks to Zeke's blessed foot! Dinaan ko nalang sa tawa ang lahat, pero ang sakit parin ng tuhod ko hanggang ngayon. Whoo.

Dude, the world's fading away as we speak. After 2 short school years, we are to part off to our own ways and study in different colleges. Time flies so fast that I want ever single moment of my life to be drenched in contentment. This is why I'd really wish to die if I were to be in classmates with Jason, AJ, Renz and anyone else I don't like and be separated from my friends. Kahit sabihin mong makakasection ko pa siya, 'di parin ako papayag. Magpapakamatay nalang ako kung nangyari talaga yun. Mawawalan lang rin naman kasi ng silbi ang buhay ko kasi mag-iisa nanaman ako. What more would I live for? Certainly nothing.

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret.

Regretted Moments.

2008-02-03T22:21:00.000+08:00

Okay. I'm now praying for large balls of meteors that would strike the roads leading to San Beda so that classes would be suspended tomorrow. I really am. I don't know why I'm writing a long and boring post to compensate for my absences for the last few days instead of burying myself alive under a humongous horde of everlasting school responsibilities. I guess I should die right now along with this fucked up computer.

How I just wish that I could sleep so soundly tonight and wake up so carefree. I'm so pissed off. I have to accomplish a supposedly group investigatory project wherein I don't even know who my fucked up members are, a fucked up closing remark for the English days and loads of assignments that are supposed to be submitted tomorrow or earlier. I have to take the blame for voluntarily making a closing remark and actually mastering it for a stupid day, but what pisses me off so much is that fucked up teacher who thinks he's so fucking perfect.

February 1, 2008, a seemingly normal Friday morning. I woke up so early 'cause my sister had their immersion? in Pampanga or wherever, and my dad had to bring her to the bus station while I'm left with having to use that fucked up service. I informed Sir Lora that I'm declining to be the mathematician look-alike. Dude, I'm not charismatic enough to portray a fucked up genius on stage. So yeah, after 2 long and boring periods, we started our 2-period Science subject. I seemingly didn't care, but deep inside, I was so excited to hold and poke a dead/alive frog, but that fucked up teacher just had to ruin the fun for me. Reginald was being his true self since the start of the week, talkative and practically annoying during classes. Seguban got fed up with the two of us making some ruckus, when in fact, I was actually trying to stop him from bugging me all the time. It's not my fault. Seriously, I was laughing 'cause he was... Massaging the... Whatever in between the legs of a model frog. Mali man ang takbo ng utak ko, nakakatawa parin at masagwa ang ginawa niya. I couldn't help it, dude. If you've seen it, you'd probably laugh along with me. So he prohibited the two of us from doing the lab activity and taking the practical test.

I would never be dumb enough to settle with a line of 7. The both of us apologized, but he didn't accept it. We were locked inside a cold and deafeningly silent room for an hour and a half. Reggie slept as I contemplated and told Lora about this distasteful situation. Is that what we payed 60,000 for?! To be deprived from our right to learn and be acquainted with a dead amphibian? I'm not gonna follow Seguban, I'll take that fucked up practical test no matter what. IT'S MY FUCKING RIGHT. So yeah, after the little incident, I asked Lora if I could be transferred to another seat. I was replaced with Monica and sat beside Zeke and Darwin. As equally annoying as they may be, at the very least, we're not very good friends. I could easily deny their existences and not fret over our friendship.

When my parents got home, I never bothered mentioning about what happened. I persuaded my mom to permit me to meet up with Christian and Reggie the following day. Other than that, I also persuaded her to buy me a laptop 'cause our computer's so fucked up. I frown upon that day and upon that fucked up teacher.

February 2, 2008, Saturday. I woke up early and initiated my daily ritual which you shouldn't be concerned of. I waited till 9:45 and walked to the gate of our village. I didn't know where the fucked up tricycle terminal was and went back to ask my brother. Turns out that I had to walk a bit further to get a tricycle that would lead me to Parola. After that, I rode a jeepney routing to Cubao and went off at Makro. Christian and Reggie were already at Jollibee when I got there, unbelievably being punctual. So after eating, Ivan and Rod came, so we went to NCC. We waited for 4 computers to be cleared and played DotA. Later, Miguel came, followed by Renz and Darwin. 4 on 4, my Axe lost its luster, but I manged to avoid being the last a few times by killing nothing but creeps in every game. I couldn't say that I was just wasting my time, though, I needed to do something entertaining to put my mind astray from the dreaded thought of Seguban. After more than 4 hours, Christian, Reggie, Ivan, Rod and I went to Reggie's house to waste our time. Napasama lang si Ventic, kahit parang labag sa loob ni Reginald. Hahaha.

We ate spaghetti while Rod and Reggie played NBA with his PS2. Their computer was as fucked up as ours, so Christian and I used their laptop to play Tribal wars. After some time, we went outside to play basketball. Dude, God did not bless me with the pwnsome talent of playing basketball or any other sport, so whenever the ball was in my hands, I pass it to someone else or do nothing. Wala, parang trip-trip lang, 'di rin naman marunong si Christian kaya 'di na ako nahiyang gaguhin yung laro. Hahahaha, in the end, we lost. 9-11, sayang. After that, Ivan went home as the rest of us continued using the Lei family's wealth. We went home at 7 PM. Rod and Christian were neighbors who walked together to their village and I refuse to be seen with Renz alone, so I waited for a jeepney by myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate Renz anymore, I'm just a little hesitant to constitute a friendship with someone I can't agree with. So I went home, waiting for my parents to bring back the fucked up CPU that was supposedly repaired. They failed at buying me a new laptop. Let me explain, you see, my mom was about to buy the laptop, but when they swiped in the credit card, they found out that it was used up. The promo period that was supposed to triple the amount of money you had in your credit card ended. So yeah, no money, no laptop. Everything was fine, at first...

The following day, I was reluctant to start doing any of my schoolwork 'cause I didn't know what to prioritize. I wasted my hours on nothing, finally, I realized that the MS Word was fucked up and didn't work well when it was too late. I'm really pissed off by the fact that a highly-functional cool laptop just got away from my grasp just like that. GRAAAAWWWWR. Great, I have a lot to cram and worry about tomorrow. I wouldn't be able to sleep so soundly. Good luck to me. I wish I could die, but I still want to live.

It’s like we’re going through the motions of the scripted destiny.

Lavishly Trusted Ones.

2008-01-31T22:08:00.000+08:00

I just realized that I was greatly lacking something so vital to one's life. I've been lacking it all this time, since the very day that I was saved from the cold and bitter darkness of solitude. Confidently and whole-heartedly believing in the people who have been important and close to your heart that whatever happens, they'll always be there and that they'll never leave you alone, that's trust. I'll put my faith in them for whenever it seems that I am unable to change my dreaded fate, I'll keep on believing that through them, I see the light of God accompanying me through life. I'll never be alone for I am absolutely blessed to be with people who confirm the value of my existence.

I'm fine, seriously. I'm just being so optimistic about life 'cause I'm fed up with people thinking that I'm emo 'cause of the fact that I was a loner. Not only that, I'm also fed up with being so down all the time, isolating myself and ranting about the fact that life's so unfair. This is just to evade the uneasy feeling of being left out. I constantly tell myself (not out loud, of course) that I am important, that I do have a purpose and that my worth will suffice no matter what happens.

Oh yeah, I just want to clarify that I'm so not fucking emo, dude. Bear in mind this horrendous sight; Me wearing a body-fit black t-shirt with a skull on it, super-tight emo-pants, a black emo-bag, piercings everywhere and black earphones dangling from ear to toe PLUS the freakishly fucked up emo hairstyle that some people think that it so fucking suits them, when according to the general fact, IT TOTALLY EMPHASIZES HOW FUCKED UP THEIR APPEARANCE IS. Dude, I'd rather burn myself alive than to even dare wear something that's so ignorantly "emo." My once pessimistic view for life may be similar to an emo-wannabe/poser's, but that doesn't mean I slit my wrists and take pride on the retarded thought of hurting myself, nor do I sit in one corner of the classroom and cry without anyone's notice. I'm not like that, nor will I ever be like that, hell no. Oh, don't take my words too personally if you're one of those ~~forsaken posers~~ lonesome and unloved emo-people whom no one understands. I was speaking in general, and I am pertaining to the unknown people I encounter at church who spend so much time fixing their fucked up emo-hair in the washrooms. It's fucking retarded, man, think about it, you enter the church and interact with God with that unsightly appearance... *shudders*

Yeah, moving on, Christian, Reginald, Miguel, Ivan, some other people and I will be going to wherever to play DotA. Christian's gonna pay for one hour for the 4? of us 'cause it was his freakin' birthday. I can't comprehend on why they're so obsessed with such a meaningless game. It's not like it would even matter if I killed Reggie's Rikimaru with my Axe so many times, right? No one would be so retarded enough to write something like "My Enchantress pawned my best friends' heroes for 500 gold each yesterday" in your résumé, RIGHT?! Well unless you're entering a DotA-playing job, that being ever-so-peculiar in all aspects. So yeah, I guess I should leave them be and just ride along with their interests. We're immature teenagers and whatnot, it's just so normal to enjoy life while we're still so young. I trust that they'll eventually grow out of computer games at the right time. Still, I can't deny that it's a bit odd to celebrate one's birthday inside a computer shop... Playing DotA... Where's the cake, Christian??? HAHAHAHA.

This reminds me, I still have to ask for my parents' consent. It's either I tell them that we're going to celebrate my closest friend's birthday inside the wet market or I'll tell them that we're going to the mall... I'd go with the first choice, at least I'm telling the truth even if it isn't the absolute truth, right?

This is my 100th post. It's sorta significant 'cause I managed to change the way I look at life by convincing myself that the improbable will happen. I have a reason to live.

And being on this road is anything but sure.

Canorous Verses.

2008-01-30T21:25:00.000+08:00

One's sincerity when it comes to friendship is better proven than said. It's my own version of the overused saying, "Actions speak louder than words." True enough, it's better to have a friend who could barely put into words the unchangeable truth that you are "close friends" but can prove, more than anyone else, that you have your worth, a purpose and an existence that is of equal importance than to have a friend who insignificantly says that you are "best friends" when in theory, you barely trust each other. This is one of the new-and-improved Janvic's philosophical beliefs concerning the complexities of life. They're more hate-free and optimistic. If you don't like it, then fuck off.

It's Christian's insignificant birthday today =P. Birthdays tend to be more insignificant if you are to celebrate it with your friends at school, seriously. I'm not so sure if they were really serious when they proposed to play DotA on a Saturday and Christian would be paying for the 4 of us, but yeah, whatever their decision may be, I'll just follow them around. Gusto kong tumambay sa bahay ni Lei. I only saw the second floor, I want to explore the grimy depths of Reginald's extravagant abode.

Reginald, oh Reginald, why be so talkative? Yesterday, our dearest adviser made me switch seats with Ernesto 'cause Reggie kept on distracting Ernesto. Greeeaaaat, I'm not so sure if I'll be able to get high conduct grades this quarter, big thanks to Reggie. He's so hyperactive, dude, he's like his dog, Dilton. Nadadamay ako sa ingay ni Lei e, tsk. I easily "adapt" to my environment, you know? When I'm beside Reggie, I am as talkative as he can be, when I'm beside Christian, I could be a silent *insert metaphorical phrase here*, unless Christian's brain has been damaged that day and he starts acting so weird and talkative. Mind you, he does that sometimes. I'm a boring person and whatnot, I barely have anything interesting in mind. Hence, I tend to keep quiet and walk behind Christian and Reggie all the time.

Ehmo's absent and Raymond's back, both concerns are insignificant. Moving on, Jem has a cool new iPod, dude. 8 GB for 8k Php. I'm not interested in buying something similar. I'm practically living under a rock for I barely know any half-decent songs. A 1GB N70 memory card would probably suffice my ears' craving for harmonious sounds. I'll just continue being a parasite to Jemar as long as I don't have the money to buy a new cellphone.

It's almost 10 PM and I haven't even started with my assignments. I'm so fucking good like that.

I wish there was something inside me to keep you beside me.

Festive Cheer.

2008-01-29T22:08:00.000+08:00

Oooh, it's Christian's birthday tomorrow! I don't know why I'm spreading the good news of someone you shouldn't be concerned about, so yeah. I don't have a gift for him 'cause he never bothered giving me a gift for my birthday nor last Christmas. Kuripot e, pagpasensyahan niyo na. Hahaha. Oh, and by the way, it's Justine's birthday the day after! It's insignificant for us, so let's just move along.

So many birthdays and January's almost over. Aw. Here we enter yet a new month, February 2008. It's a leap year, dude. How I wish I was born on the 29th. That'd be so fucking cool, aye? Though if I was born on that date, Christian and Reggie would be older than me, which is not cool.

The only thing worth telling today is that I've learned a new word from April. So I was bugging Angela and Jemar. April sat beside me, completing the "Justice League" and all that, and I asked Jemar if she was so fuckin' emo 'cause of her freakin' bangs, dude. April silently said to herself, "Ehmo." With the Visayan accent, dude, the Visayan way of pronouncing e's and i's. So I was befuddled with the way she pronounced the word "emo" and kept on shouting it whenever she passed by. I was being retarded, and to no one's surprise, I was excelling at it. *insert a roaring applause here*.

Mosquitoes just love me so much, dude. My knee has been bitten thrice, dude. Three. Freaking. Times. I have 3 freakin' bumps on my right knee, all in one column. But wait, there's more! I have one mosquito bite on each arm. Oh joy, I need a bug repellent. Would anyone be so kind enough to spray some Baygon into my nostrils and intoxicate me now?

So, what the fuck? I'm posting on an insignificant day and whatnot. Bear with my ignorance.

I'm falling into ~~mammaries~~ memories of you, and things we used to do.

Blessings in Disguise.

2008-01-28T16:16:00.000+08:00

Oh, how fortunate am I to have been blessed with so much of a burden. I am given such a chance to prove my worth and to determine the value of my existence. Oh fate, oh destiny, I stand far from misfortune. I am well pleased for I am certainly blessed.

Yeah, this is how it should be. Let us all be optimistic and stop looking down on life. Yeah right. Who'd be crazy enough to remain so optimistic in such a state? I'm loaded with schoolwork, I hate them all, so don't expect a whiff of delight from me. "Be optimistic", pffffft. What a load of shit.

Who gave teachers the right to torture their students like this? Can't they bear in their minds that they're not the only things we have to deal with?! Just because they were horribly abused by their teachers when they were students, doesn't mean that they're obliged to continue this horrendous teachers-being-sadistic-to-their-stupidents cycle. This just isn't motivating us students to be so active during classes. How detestable.

To remain astray from the topic that bothers me so, I guess I'll be narrating what just happened yesterday. I go to church every Sunday's and Thursday's 'cause I'm so holy like that. So when I got home from church, I ate lunch and asked my dearest father if he could bring Christian and I to the Santolan terminal station. He couldn't decline, it was his job as my father to do things for me that my mom can't do. I slept for some time and did nothing fruitful as I waited for 2 PM to come. Fifteen minutes before the scheduled time (2 PM), we left our shitty household and went to Cypress. I was 5 minutes early, dude, and I was befuddled by the fact that the Shell gas station was actually beside Cypress and not in front of it.

It just goes to show how my memory sucks. For you see, I went to Christian's house before 'cause he left his aunt's video camera which he borrowed for our Science project. I was obliged to get it 'cause I was the leader and it was seemingly my fault that I failed to contact Christian about it. I tried to call his house so many times, but no one answered and at that time, he had no cellphone. So, yeah.

Anyway, we waited for 2 minutes and I immediately saw him. I hesitated for a moment, thinking that it was not him. I mean, his hair was all messed up and he could've been another guy wearing a Bedan-like uniform. But I still went down the van, he barely noticed me and went on to Select until I called him. We both rode the van and went off to Santolan. We used the overpass and unexpectedly met up with Gab on the way. Sumabay na siya samin kasi loner din siya, aw. Oooh, so many bedans, we also saw Jason with his mom. He was in black even if he wasn't a marshal. WTF, it's creepy how Jason and his mom's shirts are always so "color coordinated." The last time that I saw him with his mom was when we were going to do our Science project at his house. Both of them freakishly wore red, and now, both of them freakishly wore black. Bleaugrh. I'd hate to be so "color coordinated" with anyone I'm with. That'd just be so... Embarrassing.

Sabi ni Jason kay Gab na sasabay siya samin. Parang siga~~ng bakla~~ lang ang dating, aba. Wala naman akong paki kung sumabay siya samin e, kaya yun, "sumabay" siya samin pero halos wala kaming/akong paki sa kaniya. Sumakay na kami sa LRT, whoo, unang pagkakataon kong makaupo sa LRT na ang katabi ko'y kakilala ko. Ang masama nga lang, sa bandang Araneta Center-Cubao, may tumabi kay Gab na dambuhalang babae. 'Di ako nakahinga kasi hanggang Recto siya e, kung minamalas ka nga naman o. So, we went to San Beda Mendiola and roamed the campus, looking for someone else to talk to. We saw Calvin and he treated us with some pizza. Kung mayaman ka nga naman. Sila Dacs, nagpaplanong magDotA. They're inviting me too 'cause Christian's so good at stretching the truth. Hahaha. I accepted, but as time intervened, I assumed that it wouldn't push through.

After that, we were forced to line up in wherever and wait for practically nothing. I was as thirsty as hell and sadly, I was dumb enough not to bring my own bottle of water. Iniinggit ako ni Christian, tinatapon-tapon lang niya yung tubig niya kung saan. Kagago aba. I couldn't persuade him to accompany me in going to the "Snack Bar" so that I could peacefully buy some replenishing liquids, so yeah. The procession started, we "tirelessly" walked around for an hour. It was so fucking fun! NOT!!! I was exhausted, dude. How inhumane!

Well, after the procession, we were obliged to sit on dirt and listen to priests and all those "holy people." I sat on my bag, crunching the empty bottle of water that Jonathan gave me at the beginning of the procession, while Christian sat on my feet, avoiding any contact from the unclean dirt beneath us. 'Di pa nagsisimula yung misa, durog na paa ko. Who would've thought that Christian's so fuckin' heavy? He started becoming so considerate, he got his spare black t-shirt from his bag, dropped it on the ground and sat on it. Ahhh, the relief of releasing such a heavy burden. The mass lasted for 1 hour and after that, there were fireworks. When the wonderful presentation of lights and sounds ended, Christian finally accompanied me in buying a bottle of water, there we encountered Ivan. Sumabay na siya samin, tapos pumunta na kami sa LRT. Ang takaw ni Christian, kumain ng pitong siomai sa Siomai House. Pito nalang kasi humingi ako ng isa, trip ko lang. Nasa LRT na kami, tinanong ni Dacs kung magdo-DotA pa ba daw. Ayos na tanong yun a, madilim na nga e. Masyado naman silang adik.

When we arrived at Santolan, Ivan chose to ride a jeepney and the two of us were crammed into a single row of an FX along with two other people. "Parang kotse lang ni Lei, aba", patawa kong isinambit. Pagdating sa Cypress, nagtricycle na si Christian tapos bumili pa ako sa Select. I thought that I only had 100 pesos left in my wallet, so I bought a small bag of Lay's and a bottle of Pepsi MAX, I was about to pay when I saw that I had another 20 Php that I could use to pay for a jeepney ride to Parola. So, after that humiliating thought, I bought 1 bar of chocolate. Snickers Dark, dude. Ang pagkakarinig ko "15", yun pala "50." I seemed so dazed when I rode the jeep, I kept on thinking where my 40 Php went. I searched my bag and saw the price of the bar of chocolate. 50 pesos pala. Whoo, ang mahal. Ganun ba talaga yun? Wahaha.

Nagspecial na ko papuntang bahay namin. Kinuha ko yung tinago kong 200 pesos sa loob ng medyas ko. I'm so weird like that. I was being cautious, I was playing safe, so that whenever I lose my wallet like Christian, I'd still have money. So, yeah, I got home and failed to post 'cause I was exhausted.

I spent more than 20 minutes just to type such a senseless post. How troublesome. I guess I should start accomplishing my schoolworks.

But everyday I'm learnin' how to make it through this life I'm in.

My Sufficiency.

2008-01-26T21:35:00.000+08:00

I woke up starting yet another insignificant day. I wasted my hours playing tribal wars, watching Naruto and... That's about it. How I wish that my life is overflowing with breathtaking experiences. Yes, the cruelty of fate has struck once again. I am to live life with the inevitable feeling of solitude and/or boredom. Screw you.

Christian's complaining on how I described yesterday's fruitful event. So let me just clear out the fact that they practically owned every single game and that with Reggie guiding him, the student succeeds in surpassing the teacher. Though I'm still bothered by the irrelevant fact that he uses various names and reacts to my posts in the tagboard. I did point out that "As much as possible, use the pop-up comment box under the titles if you're gonna express your opinions regarding my post." Pfft, but I guess Christian's browser's just so fucked up that he's unable to open the pop-up comment box.

Well anyway, Reggie's dad does not permit him to party with the image of the Child Jesus of Prague till 7 PM, so he won't be attending tomorrow's event. Finding a way to avoid loneliness inside a semi-modernized railing system, I chose to meet up with Christian at the gas station in front of his village. He told me to be there at 2 PM, which is sort of reasonable. Though I assume that I'll always be as punctual as ever (or not) and Christian would probably take his time and make me wait for 45 minutes again, just like yesterday. Whichever comes first. Basta, ang ma-late, manlilibre ng jeep, LRT at pauwi na din. Well, not really. Maybe we should agree upon this tomorrow. Hahaha.

I'm still thinking if I should ask my dad if he could bring the two of us to Santolan instead of exposing ourselves to the harsh and polluted environment and wasting even more money on riding a public utility jeepney. But yeah, our van's so old and fucked up and it's my mom's "office". I assume that it's as unorganized and messy as Christian's room. Not that I've seen it yet, he just told me that it's even more unorganized compared to the contents of his backpack. And you're probably wondering why the hell I'm messing around with his backpack, don't ask. I don't have any good reason for snooping inside others' property, I wasn't looking for porn in his bag or anything, I just had nothing better to do when I sat beside him during Math time. Saulo was substituting for Lora back then, so he probably didn't see me comparing my answers to his. Hahaha. Mind you, I wasn't cheating, I was actually helping him! I was comparing out answers so that I could see if his answers were wrong or not! I WAS BEING ONE HELL OF A GOOD FRIEND, DUDE!!! HAHAHAHA.

I'm loaded with schoolwork, I need to accomplish an investigatory project and submit a title for a statistical study. Other than that, I need to finish the numerous assignments that those dreaded teachers keep on giving. Topping it all off, I am teamed with Angela and some other useful beings who I don't know exactly who they are for the investigatory project and Pauline for the statistical study. Greeeat, I am obliged to do an investigatory project with a smart-ass threatening my worth. She's also a sluggard that relies on me and persuades that I should be the leader. Ultimately, my partner for the statistical study is... Just... So... Uhhh... I'll try to be nice and refrain from giving any bloody and ruthless comments. Life just can't get any better!!! How. Fucked. Up.

I protest. First of all, Seguban never gave any clear instructions, besides, he never gave us the chance to familiarize ourselves with the format of a formal investigatory project. What the fuck are we supposed to come up with? He did give ample time for us to accomplish the task, but we were left hanging in midair with nothing but his statements. "I need you to make an investigatory project, I'm giving it to you know so that you could work on it as early as possible. Class dismissed." What does he expect? How fucked up could he be? He is walking around the campus, taking pride on how much he gives his students enough time to finish his projects, failing to point out what he wants to see. He's not alone when it comes to disappointing his students who take his words for it, Lora's there to accompany him. He once said, "I assigned you a partner wherein both parties would be complimentary to one another." WAS HE EVEN ABLE TO COMPREHEND WHAT HE JUST UTTERED?! He practically lied, dude. The people who would be able to manifest any purpose to me are the ones who stand far away from the border that severs the "freeloaders" from the "useful entities", and frankly speaking, the partner I am to bear with succeeds in not being one of them. No offense, but I expect that wouldn't be able to get much ideas from her. Sorry, but that's the fucked up truth.

So yeah, I look at life as being so fucked up on a daily basis not just because it's considered as a general truth, but also 'cause I am able to prove it. No matter how happy I become with the presence of my friends, no matter how much I say "hi" to her and no matter if I'm in good terms with my family, my life is just bound to be fucked up. I guess I should just start being thankful that I'm still given this much workload. I'm glad that people would still entrust some things to me. I'm happy enough that my worth will still suffice. I could be more, but I wouldn't let myself become any less. My existence is enough.

It's hard to think that you might not be real.

Numerous Firsts.

2008-01-25T21:20:00.000+08:00

So... Was that really supposed to be "fun and carefree"? 'Cause if that's so, then you should be kidding, seriously. Everyone else is posting how "fun, exciting and oh-so-enjoyable" this year's Frolics was, so I guess I should too!

I'm not a Catholic, so I shouldn't even care when you celebrate the fact that Jesus was as humble as a child. I am obliged to do so, though. It can't be helped, after all, I enrolled in a sectarian school. I am well aware of the fact that I must attend to school activities that require my ever-so-valuable presence regardless if the said school affair is of my concern or not.

And because of that, I woke up early and went to Reggie's house. I was actually 15 minutes early, when in fact, I was planning to be 15 minutes late. Yeah, my dad dropped me off the gate of Village East, I rode a tricycle and reached L*** St. (Behold, Reginald Lei's address, take note of it and start stalking him or something). Buti nalang nag-special ako. Reg's description of his house was too vague. The green-ness of his house's gate was too dark to be distinguished from black, their mailbox practically blended with the gate and I couldn't fucking see the color of the house's roof inside the tricycle. So the driver asked what the address was 'cause the fact that I'm a dullard when it comes to geography seemingly became obvious at that very moment.

So, yeah, his house is so fucking big. He's so rich like that. Yun, umakyat kami, nanonood siya ng Bleach 61, pinatae yung aso, nag-GM ako, tumunganga, naghintay, nagpadila sa aso, nagpatakot sa aso at naghintay pa lalo. I have to admit, though, I'd prefer Dilton's saliva (the dog) over Julian's (the retarded kid) any day! So, yeah, I saw how fun it is to have a hyperactive puppy around rather than flea-ridden felines who prey on mice, frogs and my family's leftover food. My family fucking loves that stray cat so much, when in fact, they smell so awfully. 15 minutes later than 7 AM, Reggie's mom came out of nowhere and we all went back to the gate of Village East. Christian and the others took so long, putting my efforts of waking up so early to waste. So Christian, RM, Kristine and I were crammed in one row of Reggie's Toyota Innova! How comfortable. Binaba kami sa Santolan station at hanggang doon ba nama'y tatanga-tanga parin ako't sinusundan nalang si Christian para 'di naman masyadong halatang 'di ko alam kung pano sumakay ng LRT. Mala-probinsyano ba ang dating? Hahaha, pardon me for being imprisoned in my house for 13 fucking years.

We stood inside the train for around 15 minutes. We got off and proceeded to San Beda Mendiola. We roamed the vicinity of the school and then watched the ever-so-"invigorating" presentation of the random people I don't know. She stood beside me and I said "hi" for the very first time. Fortunately, she acknowledged my existence and responded. AND I'M ALREADY SO FUCKING HAPPY WITH JUST A WAVE AND SMILE! What more would my reaction be if we actually had a casual conversation? Whoo! So, yeah, we sat there and they were all planning to play DotA. Yung iba, sa Mendiola gustong maglaro, pero kami, dun sa loob ng palengke. Yung pinuntahan rin namin nung Christmas party. We roamed around San Beda once more, and they were looking for someone who's actually good in playing DotA. But of course, who'd settle for me as their opponent, let alone their teammate?! Yun, nung nakita na nila si Miguel, umalis na kami. From Legarda to Santolan, we road a jeepney and ate lunch. When we got there, they started looking for a computer shop with 5 vacant computers. After much struggling, they finally found one. Walang nang patawad ang mga tao ngayon, kahit anong oras, mayroong nakatambay sa computer shop.

Sa Jollibee palang, sabi ni Miguel magkakampi kami para maturuan niya ko. 3 on 2, wala akong kwenta. Kaya nung natalo na kami, 2 on 2 naman, si Migs at Ivan at si Llano at Lei. Nag-single player nalang ako, wala akong magawa e. Mga 2:30, umuwi na si Ivan, kampi ulit kami ni Migs. Tapos nung AR, Axe ang napunta kay Miguel, nakipagpalit siya sakin, ewan ko ba. Basta yun, napapatay ko yung hero ni Lei gamit ang Axe! I could only kill Reg, Christian tends to choose heroes that usually blend in with the other Scourges and Sentinels that I'd only notice him once I see balls of light damaging my Axe. So, yeah, I can't get near him 'cause that'd be synonymous to suicide. Tapos, nakalimutan ko na ang nangyari, basta Lion pinagamit sakin ni Migs, tapos 'di ko namamalayang inaatake na nila ako pag yun yung gamit ko. Tapos talo, yata. Edi Axe ulit ginamit ko, last game, nanalo kami ni Migs. Whoo, galing nung nagturo sakin! Marunong na akong magDotA, pero Axe lang ang kaya kong gamitin! HAHAHA, I'm seem so happy about it as if it would bring any significance to my life.

At around 5 PM, we finally stopped and went our separate ways. I experienced a light form of migraine the whole day, all thanks to Reggie who asked me to be at his house at around 6:30 AM.

So, that's it. Another day of my life almost ends there. Looking back, you would notice that I've had so many firsts today! The first time I experienced riding in a train, the first time I said hi to her, the first time I went to Reggie's house, the first time I went to San Beda Mendiola and the very first time I was able to kill someone in DotA. That was nice, and since that I've inferred that you are now bored to death by my senseless post about computer games and my firsts, I guess it's best if I end the post here.

Stop, turn, take a look around at all the lights and sounds.

Angels' Vengeance.

2008-01-24T21:49:00.000+08:00

A vengeful soul, a twist of fate, a bizarre turn of events and a struggle to hold on to the only thing that proves my worth. Once I lose the only thing that determines the importance of my existence, what more would be left of me? The title I've held for months which I seemingly didn't bother caring for is gradually escaping, out of my reach, and now I'm struggling to grasp it back. And yet the unequal view of the heavens has decided that my destiny to succeed must be soiled. If this is to motivate me to work even hard, hell yeah, I'd definitely do my freakin' best to surpass you this time.

Don't worry, I'm just fretting over the fact that my classmates are getting high grades. Everything is fine, dude. I just have to grab her foot and pull her down so that I could shove myself back up... WTF AM I THINKING?! God will never let evil intentions push through, the only thing I can do is to find God and inspiration in the eyes of those whom I care for. Pray for my soul, for here goes yet another hopeless attempt to change for the better. So please help me God.

From this day on, I'm gonna gather all the guts I have and say "hi" to her without any hesitations. Sila Jemar kasi. Anlalakas ng trip, yan tuloy. But, yeah, I still have to thank them for confirming that she wouldn't ignore me if ever I greet her with a smile. Wish me luck, dude.

Speaking of Jemar, she's trying to sell me her iPod for 4,000 Php. Wow, like I'd buy an overused and close to shitty electronic gadget like that. Besides, I'm saving up for a new cellphone, a Nokia N70, perhaps. So by the end of the academic year, I'd have enough money to buy one, and by that time, there's an even better cellphone model up for grabs. Ah yes, the wonders of technology.

I was forced to wait for one hour and a half in our fucked up school service thanks to a certain busmate who was in the first year. They had to practice up to "4 PM". He was 30 minutes late, dude, and we had to wait for him. Is he THAT special? He's a guy for crying out loud, can't he learn how to use a public utility jeepney or something?! Pfft, I can't blame him for that, so I guess I'll whine about my other retarded busmates. The one who was the gayest and most retarded of them all was as obnoxious as usual. His saliva rained everywhere and he pays no respect to his elders. He's fucked up and I have to deal with him for 3 more months. How unfortunate.

I'm gonna go to Reggie's place before 6:30 AM, duuude. I prefer not to go to Mendiola for the Frolics thing tomorrow alone. So I am go to Reggie's house and follow him around until we magically reach the LRT station! Besides, I need someone to emphasize how ignorant I am when it comes to transportation. I don't know how the hell you ride a train or buy a ticket or whatever you call it, so, yeah. Pardon me for being so stupid when it comes to these things, my place-determining skills just suck that much. Besides, I was raised inside the house for 13 years, and within those 13 dreaded years, I barely went out to explore the world I walk in. It's okay for me to use public transportation, after all, I'm a guy. So as long as I know exactly what vehicle to ride and what route to take, I'll be fine. So, yeah.

My internet's fucked up, and haloscan is too. So I have to go to sleep 'cause I need to wake up so early. Bye.

So hear this please and watch as your heart speeds up endlessly.

Of Economic Importance.

2008-01-23T17:59:00.001+08:00

Oh wait, I'm happy?! WTF?! ME?! HAPPY?! Oh, sorry, "happy" is an overstatement, I'm just contented, nothing more, for I'm the type of guy who was never meant to be happy. I could only achieve contentment at the most, but never absolute happiness, get that? Cooooool, I didn't feel alone today. Therefore, I'm ~~happy~~ contented with my apparent state. Well if you still can't comprehend those multiple statements that wield the same idea, I'd gladly ~~emphasize how stupid you are~~ reveal the thought for you in simpler terms; I'm fine, don't worry. My "I'm so fucking useless" dilemma's over as for this very moment, big thanks to Gab.

So, yeah, I was obliged to flaunt my ever-so-valued "creativity" in a subject that deals with logical thought 'cause teachers love irony and whatnot. So I made a poem comprising 3 stanzas, each having 4 lines. I didn't bother measuring it, that'd be a waste of time. So my poem's title was "Of Lives That Count." I make such lame and unworthy poems, I both suck in the field of creativity and in the realm of narration. I'm good at expressing my opinion, though, I could be one of Bea's subordinates! But who'd be retarded enough to voluntary submit one's self to a person like Bea? So I gave up on the Cub Recorder 'cause I was too lazy to develop my non-existent "hidden talents."

So, yeah, about my poem... I always thought that merging two contrasting ideas would be very, very lame, and mind you, I still think so. Poems with "We walk in a circle of unknown radius", "People exist to complete the square of our life" and all those mathematical terms and facts crammed into a single poem that's supposed to manifest "magnificence" all seem so freakishly lame in my perspective. But, yeah, it's my opinion, any violent reactions about my concerns would be the death of you.

Where does the money go? It's not like our parents perpetually excrete cold hard cash, right? I mean, besides the greatly misused and unreasonably high tuition fee, we're obliged to pay those miscellaneous expenses and all that fuck! Raffles here, donations there, costumes over there and what else? What do we get from this? What's its significance to our fucking lives?! For crying out loud, when will it end? You know what I'm talking about. Enough said.

Everything is so fucking expensive nowadays. The value of a single Philippine peso is nothing compared to a US dollar, thanks to our freakishly responsible and immaculate government officials. And at that, some people have the ass to say "Look at Rizal, he died for our country, you should do so too." ARE THEY FUCKING MAD?! Our national hero's case is completely different, he died at a time when the Filipinos were completely helpless because of the Spaniards, poverty was not their fault back then. But why the hell should I practice patriotism for a country comprising of free-loaders, parasites, ingrates and hopeless sex addicts? Who the fuck's dumb enough to put their life on the line for such useless "brethren" that can't even be responsible enough to fend for their own need? Drastic change relies solely in our cooperation. I've said what was needed to be done in one of my previous post, refer to "Disciplinary Actions." if you'd like that, but I won't be retarded enough to repeat something as long and boring as that in front of all of you again.

One of my classmates never bothered going to school for 2 days straight for no apparent reason. We assume that it's because of another classmate of ours that he... Uhh... I can't comprehend the situation, so it's best if I leave it that way. Another classmate of mine is absent too. Strange enough, I saw a scar on her wrist yesterday. She was probably too heartbroken and started committing suicide or... She might have just caught a terrible cold or something. It's not healthy to assume things about someone you barely know, so I guess I should be fucking off their concerns, right?

So, yeah, that's it.

Scream my lungs out and try to get to you, you are my only one.

To Exist As Nothing.

2008-01-22T20:48:00.000+08:00

Oh, the ever-so-great Janvic has formulated yet another philosophical thought that is meant to be a fact, that is, "Life's fucked up, but no one really cares." Dare to detest my "superior" intellect and I shall summon the frog demons to devour your soul with their almighty acidic slime. Fuck off.

Oh you're just all too perfect. ALL TOO FUCKING PERFECT. You all just have to point out how flawed I am, right? It's all part of your fucking perfect life and whatnot. You take pride on what you have and what others don't and start emphasizing your fucking perfection, duuuude. All of you just have to live your life so blissfully, free from any form of discrimination and deprivation whilst I drown my self in utter solitude and depression. HOW BETTER COULD LIFE POSSIBLY BE? Life already sucks as it is, don't even try contributing to the development of my everlasting hatred.

I'm just so fucking flawed while you're all too fucking perfect, it's how life is. And at that, I am forced to take a path of solitude and isolation and reduce the value of existence down to absolutely nothing. I walk alone, no one needs me, dude. Everyone acknowledges me out of pity, not for who I really am. No one fucking cares. No one does. I'm so fucking fortunate to be born in such a state, right? I'm just so fucking lucky that I get to roam around San Beda where my importance is nothing to those who matter most to me, right? Oh joy, NOTHING COULD EVER BE BETTER THAN THIS.

So, yeah. There was a mass. I sat alone, behind Reginald and Christian. The two were... Beating each other up, a sign of concern for one another. I sat there, having deep thoughts of how life's so fucked up, looking down on the green grass, barely listening to the people blabbing their hearts out. Oh life, it's a wonder how I'm still alive, but yeah, for what purpose is this life? I've lost hope that I could ever be as important as anyone else, I couldn't live for anyone, not even for myself. I've tried everything, but whatever I do, I just see the unchangeable truth that no matter what happens, I'm their last priority, the one of least importance, the last resort, a nuisance.

Moments after the mass, everyone's lives went on as it was. The company of my friends seem to vanquish the excruciating feeling of absolute solitude, but still... Pfft, why the fuck should you care? I'm barely anything to my friends, how could I be any more important to any of you?

Life's. Fucked. Up.

So, yeah, I am obliged to be the "responsible" guy and start finishing our investigatory project. I'm asking help from my old friends last year. So, yeah.

No you don't know what it's like when nothing feels all right.

Illusive Blissfulness.

2008-01-21T21:53:00.000+08:00

~~Duuuuude, I'm not gonna write another "I'm so lonely, fuck the world, everyone's a whore" post again!~~ HOORAY! I'm so fucking happy 'cause I'm not fucking depressed... Ooooh, I'm amused on how logical I turned out to be! *claps at self like a retard*

Well, there's no exact reason why I'm so fucking happy, I just am. It's not like she acknowledged my presence or my friends started giving me gifts for no apparent reason, and I wouldn't even bother being so happy just because I got a passing test score in the most fucked up subject ever. I'd never do that! I'm just happy 'cause I am! I'm weird like that, I'm hyperactive today, so, yeah.

But, yeah, I'm too logical to settle for "I just am, fuck off", so I thought of an ever-so-logical and inconspicuous reason for my sudden hyperactivity. So after much pondering, I've come to the conclusion that... I'm contented with life at this very moment for I have successfully managed to avoid the excruciatingly cold and harsh feeling of absolute solitude.

Oh, dude! I got nice test scores. I don't fucking care if you're ever higher than me, so don't go commenting "OMG I'M LYK 43543654775 POINTS MORER THAN U!!!" My test score in the most fucked up subject ever instituted was fine. I mean, 78%? I could deal with that. Yeah, sure, you're probably thinking: "A LINE OF 7?! OMG I WON'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN A LINE OF 9!!!!" Dude, we're all different, I'm not created so perfectly, I have genes that suck, a family that can't understand, friend's that don't listen (or I just don't bother telling them anything 'cause I don't think they would actually care enough), teachers that are SO RESPONSIBLE and a life that is seemingly forever bound with solitude. But who gives a fuck about what I feel? At the very least, I could live for people who keep on calling me a sponge and discriminate me because I was created to be a little more flawed than anyone else. Mind you, in the first day of classes, I never talked about any of them behind their backs, they pointed out my likeness to a fictional and mindless cartoon character first.

My only asset, intelligence, is greatly undeveloped due to the consistent fluctuation of my value for industry and all that fuck. Oh, but you don't care, right? You're in my blog because of the music, you're too perfect to show any form of concern. I mean, your family's rich, you're privileged enough to neglect your grades and play DotA or whatever to your heart's content and no one fucking whines about it 'cause you have money, your friends who value you as much as you value them, and most of all, YOU HAVE A FREAKISHLY NORMAL FAMILY. Yeah, compare your brothers to mine alone and you'll see who's more fortunate.

LIFE SUCKS DUDE, REMEMBER THAT. And to think that I was actually happy :|. Don't think that I'm a hypocrite 'cause I say things in my blog that I can't tell when I'm in front of anyone else. I just feel different when I'm at home, alone and in my house. I tend to think more of how much I turned out to be so unfortunate and that everyone around me is seemingly immaculate whenever I'm alone. Bear with me, for I'm too insecure. I couldn't live life the way anyone else can 'cause I'm deprived from my basic necessities (an iPod, a cellphone with a memory card, a PSP, a PS2, a laptop, yeah, the basics. HAHAHAHA.).

I think sometimes you forget where the heart is.

A Loner's Fate.

2008-01-19T21:36:00.001+08:00

Life's fucked up.

I'm so damn bored 'cause Christian's too reluctant to fix his Yahoo! Messenger. I have no one to bug with my everlasting curiosity about things that a lifeless 4th grader could excel at. That is, anything but education. So, yeah, I resorted into bugging him through mailing him in one of the many ~~bad~~ influences he has inflicted into my ever-so-climactic life. He's too lazy to reply to everything I say so I had nothing better to do but to attack the abandoned villages next to me and plunder their oh-so-valued resources. I'm talking as if you understand a single thing that I'm saying. Bear with my pitiful attempt to entertain myself.

I've said this before, but I'd to clear it up again for no good reason. I don't talk to anyone else over the internet as much as I talk with Christian 'cause I find other people too talkative, senseless and annoying. I mean, 75% of the contacts added in every messenger list are bound to misuse punctuation marks, madly press the Shift and Caps Lock buttons or just tend to abbreviate words due to their great lack of key-pressing efforts.

My brain's so freaking dysfunctional. Whoopee, it's not working enough that I'm almost at a loss for words. I'm practically taking forever just to complete one sentence 'cause my brain is seriously sucking at making subjects and verbs agree.

And due to the inevitable fact that I'm completely bored, I guess I'll just narrate my treacherous experience in front of the dreaded test papers yesterday. Rawr. Yeah, I never fail in confirming to myself the fact that I suck at history, current events and geography. I see it now, another whopping 83 (or less) in that piece of paper that they claim to be a "card" of reports concerning my excellent (ASA) academic performance! How exciting. Anyway, I didn't do well in Math 'cause the last part was So. Freakin'. Hard. I barely understood a word in the first two problems, so I just thought of a random number and wrote it on my answer sheet. Oh, I'm goooood. Science was surprisingly easy while the rest were considerably fair.

So after the numerous battles against my teachers' revenge with nothing but a pen and a liquid eraser, I went on with my life, alone. Yeaaah, that Friday, my friends went to *insert random place here* and played DotA for multiple hours. Mga adik. 'Di ako sumama kasi sabi ko: "Masyado na akong magaling, matatalo ko lang naman kayo, sayang lang ang pera ko." HAHAHA, asa pa kayong matatalo ko kayo sa DotA. I'm not even a worthy opponent. I suck at using any character or whatever. I don't have spare time to familiarize myself with any massive multi-player role-playing game, dude. Well, I mean, if ever I do have spare time, I don't have the appropriate game installed into this piece of shit so that I could even be aware of what I should be pressing. So at that, I was forced to walk around San Beda, alone, waiting for my ever-so-reliable school service.

WTF, it just so seems that I'm destined to be isolated from everyone else no matter how hard I try to avoid the excruciating feeling of utter solitude. Am I THAT unfortunate? Pfft, I guess so. A few months later, school's gonna be over, then what? 2 months of fucking solitude again? Life's. Just. So. Fucking. Fun. Bear that in mind and try to remember how much of a troubled teenager I am before I die.

And I know what it feels to walk out on your own.

An Intent to Kill.

2008-01-18T20:56:00.000+08:00

Your friends are there to support you, your crushes are there to inspire you, your family's there to guide you and rivals are there to motivate you to strive even harder so that you can attain a sense of accomplishment when you prevail as the dominant one in some aspects. We do not exist solely for our own betterment, but also for these people, and in turn, they exist for us. They point out the value of one's existence through these mutual relationships between the two said groups of individuals. We encounter these people that despite the unchangeable and absolute fact that God will never appear before our sinful souls, we may see Him in the eyes of those who we care for. No matter what happens, they're there, but it's the decisions we make and the actions we take that changes our distasteful fate into a fate leading to God.

AMEN DUUUUDE! I don't know what's gotten into me that I start relaying to my ever-so-valued readers multiple concepts and cliches just to once again point out that life sucks. Bear with me, I'm a troubled child.

I never brought into mind a moment wherein I'm desperately isolated no matter how hard I try that I'll start admitting that I was born to be a hopeless loner. Yeah, I don't know why, but since my early childhood years, I've never been too chatty, nor have I ever bothered interacting with my classmates. It's not like my face uncontrollably spewed out red/pinkish blemishes since I was 7, I just... Depended on my family too much... Yeah, the only person I remember talking to when I was in the first grade was Lobim, who was my seatmate, besides her, I failed to establish any more friendly relationships with my classmates. I had a shallow understanding of what "friendship" was and prioritized my family, which isn't bad... But, yeah, now that I have attained a deeper perspective of what "friendship" is, I regret that I lived 13 years of my life stuck inside my house, in front of the television, watching mindless cartoons and wasting my hours on the computer.

Ate Lea didn't misjudge me, she was right. I was a loner, until the day Christian started acknowledging my existence. Honestly, I never liked my first few months in San Beda. I wanted to go back to Rizal Science 'cause I was placed on equal footing with everyone else there, I entered the school in the same year as anyone else in my batch did... And yeah, you've probably guessed what my next statements will be, that "I entered San Beda a year later than everyone else, and therefore, I'm the last priority. That my importance to my friends are seemingly greatly inequivalent to their importance to me." Paulit-ulit lang naman e. Yun lang naman problema ko e, at dahil dun, nagsusulputan pa ang mas maraming problema sa buhay ko. I live in uncertainty, I don't know where to place myself, I don't know what I am to them and what's tragic about it is that I give more importance to people who just don't seem to care as much.

Damn my life, dude. Whatever I do, I just end up isolating myself. Well, you really can't blame me for that, I really can't butt into your life if you don't want me too, right? So as soon as I sense that I'm being a nuisance with the way I try to follow you around, I leave you be and walk alone.

Wooow, I sound that pathetic. Maybe my life's just too insignificant for anyone to actually care. Duh, I need to consult a psychiatrist. I have too many problems.

We'll always know that you shine brighter than anyone does.

And at That, I Live.

2008-01-16T21:36:00.000+08:00

PUTANG INA. Ako pa daw yung makiusap ng maayos? Gaganyanin niya ko tapos sa lagay na yan gusto nilang mahalin ko sila. Nagpapakabait na nga ako e, pero sila pa yung nagpupumilit na 'di ako magbago. PUTEK. Whatever the fucking result is, what fucking matters is that you did your fucking best in the freakin' process, right?

Kagago rin e. Sabi ko bago mag 10 AM nasa school na ako, pero dapat daw mas maaga ako kasi yung ate ko na napaka-maabilidad pagdating sa pampublikong transportasyon ay 10 AM din dapat nasa Ateneo. Dude, she's 7 fuckin' years older, she treated me like one of her stuffed animals and I told her to fuck off, what's so wrong with the pursuit of having my own life? My family doesn't understand anything... In fact, no one does, nor do they even care, but at least my friends know a lot more of me compared to my family...

Being the youngest sucks. I'm years behind my siblings and they can't see the negative effects that alone brought up. I was always compared, I was always the center of attention and I hated every single fucking thing about it. My mom's a thrifty nagger, my dad's a barely useful slacker, my brother chose to be a college drop-out who whines about most things in life and talks to his self through a personified lump of cotton which he considers to be one of his 4 split personalities and my sister thinks that I enjoyed being one of her "stuffed animals". Doesn't she fucking get it? My life's completely ruined 'cause I never had a normal brother I could hang out with, I was stuck with a female and lived to interact mostly to their kind. Yung kababata ko dati babae, yung mga kaibigan ko ng grade 1-6 at 1st year, karamihan ay babae. Wala akong magawa. I wasn't raised to be addicted to PSP's and computer games, instead, I had to bear with the presence of girls for 13 years. I chose to abandon Jason, Marielle, Monica and Zeke 'cause I was too tired with talkative girls who are too fond of taking pictures of anything and everything that they find "cute".

I should be grateful that I didn't completely fall into the clutches of women's presences, I can still say that "I'm not synonymous to Matthew Dayao in any way" without any hesitations. That's because even though I was around girls more, I still isolated myself from interacting that much from any of them. You probably don't know the true pain of being alone. That's why I mourn over the thought of being a mere "tool" to my friends. I fear that they'll abandon me one day, when I'm no longer useful to any of them. And to bear in mind that through time, they've become the most important people to me... How. Fucking. Tragic.

This is what I wanted to fucking say in my blog for so long now, I'm grateful that the little quarrel between me and my mom occurred. I finally attained the guts to inject into your brains that I'm a loner who sought the meaning of true friendship in many painful situations. Thank You, Lord God.

Enough about my problems, you probably don't care anyway. It's best if I move on and make a Math reviewer, as requested by Christian.

And even when your hope is gone, move along, move along...

Magnified Pressure.

2008-01-14T21:08:00.000+08:00

I'm not really in the mood to post another form of my various kinds of heartfelt opinions in the shitty webpage alloted for my use at this very moment, but for the sake of mankind, I'll do it. Bear in mind that it's still against my will, so don't expect much... Life's as ever-so-invigorating as ever! ~~Yesterday~~ Hours ago, I was obliged to finish my Filipino project about 2 fucking and so-called short stories, a Soc. Sci. powerpoint presentation which was supposedly considered as a group report about Hebrews and all that fuck and my GICP exam about the long and boring symposium of love in less than a day. Whoo, it was So. Freakin'. Fun. Duuuuude, I slept at 2 AM and wasted some of my ink for the sake of Christian's GICP and Filipino project.

Well, I'd like to express my deepest and utmost gratitude to Mrs. Maribel Lim for giving one hell of a project 2 freakin' days before the mother fucking deadline, dude. How considerate was that? Yeah, and putting sarcasm aside, I'd like to thank Christian for asking me to print his Filipino project for him. It was such great help, dude! Hahahaha, I just used it as a guide, no worries, mine looked a lot better compared to yours ('cause yours lacked the sufficient uniformity and had a lot of spelling errors, as usual). So I guess that freakish teacher wouldn't notice that my project's just an overhauled version of yours.

So, yeah, I finished at 2 AM, slept and woke up. I forgot my USB, for fuck's sake, I had to command my dad to give it to me before 8:30. I got it on time. Behold, the negative effects of stress and pressure inflicted by freakishly responsible teachers of San Beda.

So I'm not gonna fuss over my "I live as a fuckin' tool" dilemma today 'cause my friends all asked favors so fucking nicely. Hahaha, nahiya siguro nung nabasa yung post ko. So, yeah, instead of that, I'm just gonna start whining on how the new sitting arrangement made by Gab sucks so much. So, yeah, I'm back to my old position, at the very front of the 4th column from the left. I hate it there, 'cause first of all, I'm too close to the blackboard/teacher that I have to stretch my neck to its fullest extent just to see the freakin' teacher continuously walking from one side of the board to the other. Go figure, I'm better off at the very back of 4th column. Second of all, I don't like my seatmate. I'm much more comfortable with that partially-parasitic alien at my right and that excessively talkative chicken ass (no offense, dude) at my left than sitting with a seemingly autistic numskull let alone. Besides, in my position, it's much harder for me to turn to Christian's direction whenever Sir Seguban starts talking about Class Clitellata/Hirudinea. Hahaha. Kami lang ang nagkakaintindihan 'pag ganun na yung topic e, si Reggie kasi masyado pang bata, kaya 'di pa niya maintindihan. Hahahaha.

So, yeah, I'm still suffering from that blessed virus that my loving mother has passed on to me. I can't help but cough all the freakin' time and perpetually produce mucus through my nostrils. Duuude, I need to bring tissue paper. Yeah, this reminds me of the time when I was in 6th grade. I practically had everything and anything I needed for school, I even had a plastic container for my tissue paper and my classmates always kept on asking for some. My resistance sucks as much as your grammar, no questions asked.

So, yeah, it's best if I attempt to answer my EGW for tomorrow. I just looove Theology that much. Pffft, take note of my not-so-evident sarcasm, I'm just so fortunate that those things can't be embedded into text.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know.

Miraculous Absences.

2008-01-12T22:51:00.000+08:00

We fuckin' performed shitty presentations for Music yesterday, and all of them were so fucked up. All of them sucked and everyone got a grade of 75. Putangna, sinundan lang naman namin yung instruksyon a. Kagaguhan. We were all given a second chance to perform on Monday. That being absolutely great! We are to perform a Nutri-Jingle and some stupid Asian song on the same day. Whooo, this excitement's overwhelming. So, yeah, most of my classmates, including myself, went to San Beda today to fucking practice.

I was in the car while my parents bombarded me with their numerous intrigues concerning the subject matter, that being, "What time will I get home". My mom asked me what the hell I was supposed to do there, I refused to respond and she said, "Bakit, andun ba si &&^$$#^%#?". WTF, tsismosaaaa, nabara ko tuloy siya sa utak ko. This is the exact reason why I hate talking about my crush/es to my family and why I told my sister to fuck off my blog's concerns. So I came after a classmate of mine and was followed by 4 of my other classmates. For no good reason at all, we went up to the room then ran off to McDonald's. Christian, Reggie and some weirdo were there, waiting for Nathanael to fetch them so that they could go to his fucking house and practice for their Music song/dance/whateverthefuckwe'resupposedtoperform. Thanks to my loving mother who passed on the blessed virus off to her caring children, my throat was soar and I uncontrollably sneeze most of the time since yesterday, hence, I bought a caramel sundae (I love caramel, so if you're planning to give me chocolates, gusto ko yung Cadbury na may caramel sa loob!), thinking that my fucking throat would stop being so fucking sore. Later that day, I found out that it was no help, but at the very least, I got to eat my first ever sundae of the year. My other classmates went back to Beda, but I thought that it would be best if I did my part on the Nutri-Jingle at Nathanael's. Well, that's not really the reason, it's just that Christian and Reggie were there, and I refuse to be a loner at school in any circumstance.

I talk as if these simple things even matter, bear with my incompetence. Yeah, so as we waited for Nathanael, Reggie ate like a hog. Well, not really, but he surely ate more than anyone else 'cause he impatiently waited for Nathanael to come. So, yeah, when he finally came after 10 freakin' years, we were obliged to wait for my other classmate, that of which took decades. So as we waited, Reggie stole about 50% of Jason's fries and as expected, Christian asked Jason to buy him fries. Pumayag naman 'tong si Jason. Basta kay Llano lang daw talaga, hahaha, yeeeeee. Joke lang, para samin rin naman daw yun e. That excludes Reggie 'cause Jason's so rich that the only reason he bought fries for us is so that he could, in a way, make him envious of us eating fries in front of him as an odd form of vengeance. Get my point? Well, it's not really necessary 'cause what I just said is practically pointless. Tapos nun, pinapunta kaming tatlo ni Christian at Reggie sa kotse nila Alba, trip lang niya siguro, para 'di magmukhang inabandona na yung nanay niya dun. Naiwan sila ni Jason sa McDo, hinihintay si Zeke. When he finally came, I've proven to Christian and Reggie that I had such ass to say that "The one wearing the black jacket and had an emo-fag hairstyle's gay." in front of someone else's parent. I'm good like that.

So, yeah, when we reached Nathan's house, it was narrow but had four fucking floors. You wouldn't want to leave something behind if you lived in a house like that! So we watched Wrong Turn (Tama ba?) and ate lunch while doing so, we wasted that much time that we didn't bother finishing the movie. Ang lunch ng mayayaman pag may bisita: commercialized bundles of fat and grease, powdered chemicals considered as "soup" and 16 tablespoons of sugar in carbonated water. Yeah, I have to admit, it wasn't practically "healthy", but it sure is nice to experience eating compressed grease once in a while. Yun, ginawa namin ni Llano yung lyrics habang nagpapraktis sila Alba ng kung ano-ano at yung iba, pinagtripan yung organ.

Pinakain ulit kami ng miryenda. Miryenda ng mayayaman pag may bisita: Grease-induced clomps of cheese and tomato sauce, topped with ham and pinapples and home-made spaghetti, practically the only healthy thing we ate at his house. So, yeah, we practiced for our Nutri-Jingle and somewhat finished it. We created a commotion by locking Jason and Reggie in the narrow 4th floor balcony, trying to scare them for no good reason 'cause prior to this event, they shared ghost stories after multiple claims of seeing figures of dead people in other floors of the 4-story building. Natakot si Lei sa pagbukas ng cabinet ng mag-isa. Hahaha. So, yeah, when we locked them, we went up and down to watch Animal Planet and devour Nathanael's fridge stocked up with chocolates and chemically infested drinks... And at that, I still can't believe that Nathanael's still thin. After some time, Reggie and Jason lost their minds and started ~~howling at the moon~~ singing like a bunch of drunken 18-year-olds. Nirecord pa nga ni Christian e, pero 'di na niya nakaya nung nag-duet sila ng Only One by Yellowcard. Grabe pala makatawa si Christian e, 'di mo aakalaing siya, 'di naman panget o malakas, pero 'di lang nababagay sa ugaling pinapakita niya sa klase.

Matapos na sabihin ng katulong na nagrereklamo na daw yung mga kapitbahay, umuwi na kami't pinakawalan na sila. Hahaha. Binaba kami sa McDo at nahiwalay nanaman ang aking landas. Kaya nga ayoko sa bahay namin e, ang layo sa sibilisasyon, kung nasa Brookside parin kami, edi sana 'di ako nagpapakamatay sa service ko ngayon.

It's interesting how I managed to spend a day with Jason without hating him at strike of dusk and how I managed to live a boring-free day. Whoo, congratulate me for this is one heck of a great milestone in my life. I'm just so fortunate that Christian and Reggie were there to divert my attention from hating Jason and bug them instead 'cause if not, things would've gotten ugly, and my pursuit of peace would've been shattered in a blink of an eye.

Ran my whole life in the ground and I can't get up when you're gone.

To Die as a Tool.

2008-01-10T22:24:00.000+08:00

So I'm letting my parents suffer eternal punched-paper-sticking doom while I'm here, blogging to my heart's content. Go figure, I'm SOOO responsible that I let my parents do the hard and excruciatingly boring parts of my projects. I'm 14 years old and I still have the nerve to procrastinate up to this extent. I'm barely done with 1/2 of the project and it's 10:43 PM. Wish me luck, dude.

And with an attitude like this, I've managed to endure 14 straight years of torment, isolation, sorrow and pressure. Well, there's nothing too fascinating about that, useless and irresponsible citizens of this country roam around almost everywhere. With just a turn of your head, you'll see millions of billions of worthless individuals striving to find contentment in life, I'm unfortunately one of those.

Yeah, so I've been searching for my actual purpose in life for 5121 days now. I continue to venture off into life's "journey", searching for the point of my petty existence and I've come to a very tragic and sorrowful conclusion... That I exist as a fucking tool, a last resort, a reference, a supplier. I think that my existence as a friend matters least and what's important is that I'm in San Beda and I continue to cultivate the broad and seemingly infinite garden patch where free-loaders and parasites are planted into it.

It's interesting how I had to sacrifice my dignity, pride and self-confidence just to come up with such a pathetic answer. I bet that if I am as dull as a rock, I wouldn't have any "friends". Meh, I can't deny the fact that no matter how long I stay in San Beda, I still came in one year later than everyone else in my batch. No matter how many times you inverse the situations, I'll still end up being isolated for being the last priority. I'm nothing special, what do you expect, I'm just a tool. "Living for the people important to you" pfft, what a load of shit. The fact that the most important people to me consider me as their last resort is inevitable, let alone, tragic and absolutely pathetic. I blindly lived a lie thinking that I could be contented with everything I already have, when in fact, what mattered most to me was the only thing that was gravely lacking.

People thank me for helping them... Not because they thought of the fact that I helped them for being my "friends". Well, that's just nice. I'm freakishly pathetic. If ever I die, I don't think anyone would even bother visiting my funeral. Who'd mourn over a tool anyway? Life sucks, life's unfair and the thought of living for someone was taken away from me. I'm useless.

What am I supposed to live for? Do I even have a purpose as a human being? Everything has been taken away from my fucking life. Just when I start to think that I could be happy with their mere presences, God makes me realize that I'm nothing to them. Life. Is. Freaking. Wonderful.

You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay.

Distasteful Lifestyles.

2008-01-09T22:04:00.000+08:00

I'm bored. I prefer wasting my precious hours on talking about my friends, my miserable life and my weirdness over the internet rather than doing my Theology project due on Friday. I'm soooo responsible, idolize me and all that 'cause compared to me, you suck. Uhh, pardon the aftereffect of excessive ingestion of foods abundant in cholesterol (Itlog, mantikilya at tinapay) and all those fatty oils Filipinos love so much.

So, yeah, my life sucks 'cause I'm forced to use a mode of transportation which has a suck factor multiplied by infinity if the people who use the mode of transportation with you also suck. I'm pertaining to my 3rd grader-infested school service. My hatred for it reeks from the bottom of my oh-so-loving heart. First of all, it takes at least an hour and 30 minutes for that freaking piece of metal to travel from San Beda and off to my house. That'd probably include the excruciatingly long waiting time offered by the beloved Bea. We're also obliged to wait for Nina and Jemar who usually accompanies her in offering long and excruciating waiting periods. Yeah, and once that they finally take my dreadful experience with the 3rd graders into consideration and start kicking their own asses back to the bus... Minsan, makikipagchikahan pa si Joel. Puta. Well if not, then we're all honky-dory, that is, until the silence is broken by the retarded 3rd graders who have nothing better to waste their time on. They would either deafen you with their fucking voices, stupidly spelling random words, shouting "WABUFFETTTTT!!!!!" and playing other stupid games such as chopsticks, ketchup and rock, paper, scissors (retard style) or drown you in their everlasting shower of highly poisonous saliva of utter DOOM. Yeah, I'm SOOO fortunate that I get to be the last guy to go home, I'm privileged enough to see the retarded 3rd graders play and shout to their hearts' contentment. It's oh-so-fucking-fun. So I can barely sleep through all the noise and my ass starts to hurt from excessive sitting on those fucking hard seats.

Today's a special day where I get to be all fucking "friendly" to the most retarded and annoying 3rd grader in the bus, Julian (It would be no one's loss if I morally degrade a mindless third grader, right?). So he's the drooly-est of them all. You'll probably be able to catch him having drool all over his face and/or a portion of the fucking hard seat. He's also the "best" in pronouncing words!!! Really, he's like Sir Cabuang!!!! WHOO his fucking English-speaking skills fucking excel mine, yeah right. So as I was saying, I was all "friendly" to him, I tried teaching him how to curse by looking for songs which have the words whore, slut, bitch, fuck, etc in Jemar's phone and she kept on kicking my knee as if it was a bad thing. Pffft, she's a party pooper. Boooo. I was absolutely flabbergasted when he refused to be taught, I didn't think he was smart enough to even think rationally! *drowns in amusement* So, yeah, he started saying that I was dumb and I pointed out the ever-so-evident fact that he's dumber now than I'll ever be. I borrowed Bea's taxonomy reviewer and shoved the ever-so-deep Latin words right into his face. He kept silent, a sentimental sign ~~of rejection~~ that he lacks sufficient knowledge at his level. Yeah, and after that, friendly time was over, I started to shut up 'cause I was obviously wasting my time on someone who's actually dense enough to fail in comprehending my statements.

This just shows how pathetically lonely I am. I resort to bullying pathetic retards to entertain myself 'cause I refuse to mingle with my other busmates. Seriously, put together three high school girls, two first year guys, a bunch of retarded 3rd graders and an introverted sophomore together in one school bus and you'll get utter loneliness. Yeaaah, so I'm definitely looking for a better service next year, one that'd have at least one guy from my batch that I know who is mentally stable enough to talk to, preferably someone that succeeds in balancing silence and talkativeness in the right situations and someone who's sensible and who isn't a dullard. Mas maganda kung may cellphone siya na maraming magagandang ~~video~~ kanta para mas mapakikinabangan ko naman ang pagkapanganak niya. Hahaha, abuso ba?

So, yeah, I'm greatly fascinated by the use of Latin in the field of taxonomy, I have secret hopes of becoming a taxonomist myself, but Christian discourages me to be one 'cause he knows more than anyone else how much my memory sucks. Why? It's because I tend to forget everyone's name, especially his, and snap my fingers to their direction twice to get their attention instead. It's either he observed that from me or I copied it from him and he noticed it, bah, I forgot.

I also have dreams of becoming a doctor, a dermatologist (Asa), a genetic engineer, a psychiatrist, a philosopher and a professor in some fancy-pants university abroad. Dude, and these seemingly impossible dreams are accompanied by my irresponsibility, stubbornness and all that fuck about me. Well, yeah, this is probably the result of excessive indecisiveness. I still don't know what course to take in college, let alone an elective for my fourth year in high school. Pfft, help me choose a future that'd bring in lots of money and nice earth-bound material things. Yeah.

So, I guess that's it. I've stated the highlight of my day, that being my interesting and "friendly" encounter with a young retard who's fond of drooling. I can see it now, Julian's career as a seemingly useless and untalneted P. E. teacher in some prestigious high school, teaching his students "La Hoota Mungkadinya and Teeblol Tennis" and calling his students "Lee, Lianyo, Segua, Choa, Salungga, etc". He resembles that Cabuang dude, seriously.

Tearing me silently although abruptly.

Hopes Forever Lost.

2008-01-08T19:17:00.000+08:00

I still can't comprehend on how the hell some of these freaking teachers get to work in San Beda. Yeah, many of them are good, but seriously, there are a few who totally suck. Take that good-for-little History teacher, her grammar sucks. She's okay, I mean, she's nice and all that but... Yeah, her ability to make subjects and verbs agree in one sentence sucks more than Christian's drastic attempt to spell words correctly (No offense, dude). Because of her annoying reluctance to learn half-decent English, I tend to suck in her subject a lot more than normal. Well, yeah, I've always hated Social Science and many of the teachers who've taught me that God forsaken subject (I TOTALLY sucked at it last year, and the teacher is sadistic and hates people like me, I'm practically useless in that school)... But this... This magnifies my failure factor by about... Uh, let's say, 95874396549876874360984543876543875487438 times? My geographical and political know-how sucks bad enough, at least use a part of my 60000 pesos in hiring a better non-grammatical error-induced Social Science teacher.

Hm, so, yeah, I tend to suck in subjects that are usually taught in the Filipino language, Filipino's one of them, obviously. I totally suck at reading Filipino stories out loud and memorizing all those mind-numbing Philippine literary forms. I don't know why, I just do. Go figure, I don't like this country that much, I'm just grateful that despite the many other grammatical error-induced people infesting this not-so-prosperous country, I'm not one of them (And I can spell "design" and "unique" without any hesitations. HAHAHAHA!). So, yeah, other teachers are okay, I mean, I'm still capable of learning even a little from them. I love Math, but I may end up taking back what I've just said when I'm finally acquainted with Calculus, Geometry, Trigonometry and all that fancy Math crap.

Yeah, some people enjoy calling other people nerds whenever they see someone bothering to study. Well, I just think that they're fucking jealous that some people are smarter than them. Seriously... I'm talking about you, M*****. Could you just shut up for once and try being less of a good-for-nothing nagger? Are you that envious that you stoop down to a lowlife's level and call people who are actually superior compared to you "nerds"? I'm not pertaining to me in any way, call me a nerd for all I care, but just bear in mind that in whatever you say, think first. Parang ipinagmamalaki mo lang na mas bobo ka sa ibang tao e. Wala namang dapat pagtawanan sa taong nag-aaral 'diba? Mas ayos nga yun e. At least, they'll become useful. You should be more ashamed of yourself, you don't even fucking listen to freakishly boring yet oh-so-informative reports and lectures. God, if you just ask one more time where *insertphylumhere* belongs... I'll do nothing. Hahahaha. It's not my loss if you don't learn, dude, it's yours. Seryoso, mas abuso ka pa sa mga taong nang-aalila sa akin. Ganyan ka na nga, ganun ka pa. Mahiya ka nga sa balat mo.

So, yeah, before you start roaring over his identity, I'd just like to inform you that I'm indirectly giving him some advice, I'm not backstabbing. He seriously needs it. So if you have any plans of commenting "OMG UR SUCH A PREAKIN BASTABBUR!!!@3^$$#$#@!???", prepare your ass 'cause I'm gonna kick it till your head falls off.

Oh, and for your information, I don't stare at the computer browsing some knowledgable facts through Wikipedia, I waste my time hating the world and watch anime till my eyes hurt. I don't even freakin' study, for crying out loud, my excellence is declining and I'm not fretting too much about it. In fact, I haven't started doing my Theology project due this Friday and that Math assignment that I must be wasting my precious time on. I'm just naturally gifted, asa. Hahaha, but seriously, I owe my ability to stock this much knowledge to my mom and my previous school (Yeah, it's THAT good).

I have weird dreams, there was one where the Third Hokage was in it with some quadruplets that were supposedly reincarnates of the old Hokages. Duuuude, I'm obsessed with animes, my mind has been infected with the thought of Naruto, Bleach and all that fuck. Help.

Dude, I've given up. It's hopeless. It's THAT hard to give up someone that special, but, yeah, it just can't be helped, right, Gab? Pfft. Life was never meant to be fair, we've dealt with that and we're obliged to continue doing so...

Two sides twist and then collide.

Those Lying Eyes.

2008-01-07T19:23:00.000+08:00

So the feeling of discouragement to change for the betterment of one's self hurts that much when that feeling came from someone you adored. I'm practically speechless, dude. It's not like she knew me enough to judge me like that. Yeah, yeah, the morally degrading information came from one of her friends. So. Fucking. What? That doesn't give her the right to judge me just because *insertfuckingnameofahopelessco-backstabbinglowlifehere* told her that I was a backstabber. I mean, DUDE!!! Whoever the hell you freakin' are, WHAT YOU JUST FUCKING DID WAS FUCKING TALK ABOUT ME BEHIND MY FUCKING BACK. That of which IS VERY SYNONYMOUS TO WHAT I DO ON A DAILY BASIS. The bottom line is that everyone talks behind someone's back. People subconsciously do it on a daily basis, but no one fuckin' notices just because THEY'RE NOT IN PRINT.

Sheesh, I can tolerate any degree of blatant expression of one's honest opinion about my distasteful ways, but dude, not to the extent of hating me for it, when in fact, you do it too. I mean... Fuck off and speak for yourself.

And for her to avoid me just because she heard something not-so-perfect about me is just... Cruel. Bear in mind that she barely knows anything about me and now she starts disliking me just because she's "perfect" and I'm not. How. Fucking. Nice. In as much as I'd love to tolerate any form of mistakes she makes, I can't. I mean, hypocrisy isn't necessarily synonymous to backstabbing, right? I mean, dude, you never see me being nice to people I don't like at all, right...?

Well, yeah. Whatever. I guess she wasn't the most perfect girl I've ever seen... I guess I should just act like we never knew each other... We barely knew each other in the first place, what's there to lose? Yeah. I better get over this soon before I end up hating myself for hating the world and disappointing myself till I kill myself.

It's probably best if I ignore the fact that she just said that about me instead of blaming everything on whatever I see and cease the fulfillment of my hopeless attempt to change. Forget her. Blindly loving someone like that was a load of stupid fucking shit. Life's unfair and it never fails to throw the painful fact that it excruciatingly sucks right into your face. What. A. Great. Day.

I guess I should start regaining my dignity as a human being and stop falling in love. I mean, I can still live on for my family and friends who've become important to me. Well, yeah, thanks Gab.

And now I'm picking up the pieces, I'm spending all of these years putting my heart back together.

Disciplinary Actions.

2008-01-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

Oh, that's nice. Gab posted something about sensational Asianovelas and mindless Filipino television. I was supposed to post that since sem-break, but yeah "those never get pushed through 'cause I always forget about it or something interesting that I can hate with all my heart and soul spurs up at any given moment." Well I guess I should leave him alone and prevent myself from writing another hate-infested post. Too much hatred is practically magnifying your sins, and yeah, you probably won't believe me, but I care for my soul too. But I can at least try to inject into your brains that I embrace the fact that I love being a Christian and I've sought for salvation for so long now.

Guess what, it's my beloved father's birthday and my oh-so-admirable parents' *insert random number here*th anniversary. My father's an even greater cheapskate than ate Lea's. My dad married my mom on his birthday for reasons I'm totally unaware of, they're probably trying to lessen the amount of consecutive celebrations 'cause my mom's birthday is on the 22nd. Well that's nice, I know a lot of people whose birthday is on January. Me, KB, my dad, my aunt, my mom, Justine and Christian. Well, we're all aware that there's nothing really special in knowing that, I mean, hundreds of freeloaders and useless people are born by the minute and any attempt to reduce the population drastically fails due to the Filipino citizens' uncontrollable desire for sex and pleasure.

Yeah, I have to agree on my brother's philosophy this time. Useless poor people who are lazier than me that do nothing but whine and have sex all the time should be annihilated. Yeah, yeah, everyone deserves a second chance, but there are people who just die without proving their worth everyday. I believe that we should be more disciplined and start copying the time when Russia had a communist government whereas people seek for excellence not only for pride, but as a means of survival. I think the children who strive hard enough to learn to live a better life should be given sufficient attention and at the very least, a decent school. Let the kids who waste their WHOLE life on senseless computer games instead of at least bothering to get good grades starve to death. The same goes for the adults who abuse their spouses and children and do nothing but eat, drink and become a parasite to our society. Isolate them in some secluded island in Mindanao or Visayas and drastically deprive their right to live. Give the people who qualify to live a decent house made of cement and all that. Prevent stray humans from sleeping on the pavement of our beautiful cities and from living along the riversides and floodways. What about manual laborers, you ask? They'll remain who they are unless they seek more than what they have. Well, I never sought for absolute equality wherein everyone would be working as doctors and genetic engineers, I just want to see functioning Filipinos patriotic enough to make our country prosper. That's all. And as cruel as these may seem, these thoughts could've been avoided if everyone balanced everything and still worked hard.

APPOINT JANVIC FOR THE PHILIPPINES' DICTATOR OR I'LL STAB YOU TO DEATH WITH MY ZANPAKUTO!!!

Yeah, that's not really hate-induced, I'm just telling my ever-so-valued readers how much discipline matters to the world. And so, for the fulfillment of my ideals, I must start being disciplined in my own little way and cram till the last minute! Yeah, that's right. Out of seven different schoolworks waiting to be finished, I've only accomplished one, which is the crossword, which turned out to be the easiest one. Just like Bea, eh? So let's see... Once I get to ask Gab what the freakin' hell a commentary about Japanese literature looks like, I'll start kicking my ass off to work.

Yeaah, so Christian asked me to start over in Tribal Wars so that my village would possibly be relocated to some continent closer to his. Medyo marami pa naman akong nagawa dun sa huli kong village, pero oo nalang ako. From continent 9 to continent 0, yeah. Mas malapit nga, pero sayang yung isang araw ng paghihintay ko. Oh look, I'm sort of addicted to the game already, shows how much of a bad influence Christian is. Joke lang. Speaking of influences, my dad also started worrying on how skinny I'm becoming and suggested that I work out a bit. I'm not the talkative type of person who likes conversations with my family, so there was a brief moment of silence until he said: "'Di bale, kung nabarkada ka sa mga taong mahilig mag work-out, maiimpluensya ka nun." And I suddenly thought of Christian and the prestigious title he holds. So, yeah.

It's 9 PM... So, I guess I should start taking a glimpse of my Math Probe and drastically fail in an attempt to answer any of its questions.

Everybody always gave you what you wanted, you never had to work, it was always there.

Probable Signs of Insomnia.

2008-01-05T04:34:00.000+08:00

So my ever-so-caring and beloved mother went ballistic over the fact that I'm drastically attempting to avoid the dreaded thought of obesity by eating a lot less than normal and how my industry rate fluctuated to -75%. Yeah, I'm even lazier than Christian at that moment, which was a seemingly impossible scene, but yeah, it happened.

So I was forced to raise my industry level back up and do some projects for she terribly threatens to beat me up with all her might if she sees me cramming on Sunday. So I'm gradually changing to be a better person now, I'm practically hate-free and all that today. Which is good, I guess. It seems as though I'm overdoing it, yeah, it's 4 AM and I'm almost done with the questions for my Biology crossword thingy. All I need to do is print it so that the possibility of excessive mourning at my funeral would be reduced.

I found something new to waste my time on, Tribal Wars, and it's surprisingly addicting, sort of. Yeah, Christian's such a bad influence that he introduced me to something new and exciting which deprives me from getting a life. The first one was to watch Bleach and other various animes I could get hooked on, and now this. Well, yeah, I can't blame him though. I think he's just being helpful 'cause he knows more than anyone else how really really really boring my life is because I do nothing but disturb him whenever he's online. I don't talk to anyone else over the internet that much 'cause I find other people too talkative, senseless and annoying. Well, maybe except for Gab and Bea. They're fine, but they're too intelligent for me, I'll just end up humiliating my being in front of those two if ever I attempt to speak with them.

I took the advice of Enzo and finally bothered to look for playlists with Green Day song in it over imeem. I was so sick of hearing the same songs over and over again for two freakishly long months. I just wanted to listen to something new until I find them boring again and find something better. Yeaah, and I just realized that "Wake Me Up When September Ends" was sung by Green Day. Excuse me, I guess this is only the drastically humiliating aftereffect of my reluctance to listen to half-decent music that weren't under the influence of my sister when I was younger. So, yeah, stupid me.

So, it's 4:50 AM and I'm still not sleepy. That's nice... Well, I'm obliged to readjust my body clock so that I wouldn't have any trouble sleeping on Sunday. But before I bid you farewell, notice that my posts suck more/tend to be shorter if I'm being hate-free. I guess that's just how wonderful life is. Bye.

Twenty years has gone so fast, wake me up when September ends.

Unstoppable Digression.

2008-01-04T02:32:00.001+08:00

There are days when I feel that I've had enough of life and have grown sick of it, today's no different. This feeling usually emerges from the fact that vacation's almost over and I have a hoard of schoolwork itching to be completed. Yeah, so, kill me now?

Yeah, so I've decided to change a bit and avoid conflicts between peoples' opinions instead of forcibly provoking someone to debate with me. For the accomplishment of this said "hopeless attempt to change", I'm invisible to all but three contacts in my Yahoo! Messenger account. Telling that here would probably vanquish the essence of mystery of my disappearance, but, yeah, I don't want you sobbing over my Yahoo! ID with the thought that I'm dead or something. I don't want to worry you or anything, I know you just loooove me so much that you care for me THAT much. Yeah, so only Christian, Reggie and Pu would be able to see me online. I trust them enough not to tell other people when I'm online. Well, seriously, I can't trust Reggie that much, but yeah, my lack of trust in him is equivalent to his lack of concern for a friend like myself, no worries. I don't want any retard asking me what 2-x/x-2 is again. I hate pointing out the obvious to the narrow-minded imbeciles who ruin my life, so, yeah.

Yeah, my sister's friend finally went home, she's a loner again since she still hates me for telling her to fuck off my blog in a very rude way. Yeah, butting in my life like that... So, yeah

It's 2 AM but Bea inspired me to post after commenting on her senseless post that's supposed to bring her relief from the everlasting pressure brought about by gigantic hoards of seemingly infinite schoolwork.

"LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND, LIFE'S WONDERFUL, ENJOY EVERY FUCKING SECOND OF IT'S SUCKISH WAYS."

There you go, another seemingly interesting principle from the ever-so-great Janvic. My nickname always gets a red underline whenever I type it somewhere, I want another nickname. Yeah, random thought. This incomprehensible digression is starting to freak me out, so I'll start talking about how ever-so-wonderful life is.

Life, oh life. So unpredictable and ~~very unfair~~ yet it never fails to manifest how wonderful it is to humankind. Nonetheless, it ~~sucks~~ is a magnificent gift from the Lord God. Life, love and contentment. Oh, such blissfulness. It overwhelms me.

Yeah, I was being poetically retarded and all that. Don't fear to hold back your ~~violent rages~~ roaring applause, I'll gladly appreciate your acknowledgment.

Oh wait, this is a nice scene, my brother's shouting "fuck you" repeatedly whilst asleep. How interesting, I guess it runs in the family or it's something normal. But, yeah, there's nothing too special about that.

Well, you really can't expect much from someone blogging at 2:45 AM. So I guess I'll end this post now.

I am one of those melodramatic fools...

Fourteenth Year of Torment.

2008-01-02T00:59:00.000+08:00

I can't find any other half-decent upload of this song on the internet, so I guess you're stuck with this weirdo video, deal with it. It's small so that it's weirdness could be minimized, so, yeah. I suggest you don't watch it so that you won't start freaking out, but yeah, if you can't bear the excitement, go ahead.

Oh joy, I didn't rot inside the house today. Whooo. So we visited our relatives that have been living abroad for some time now, so yeah. They were lodging in some fancy pants hotel while enjoying the view of the Manila Bay that reeked that badly. We ransacked their leftovers from their New Year's celebration and ate some of it. Oh joy, the buco salad was nice. Take note of the apparent exaggeration when I said "ransacked". Dude, I'm taller compared to any one of them. Bwahahaha. I guess that's one asset of the Garcia genes.

I kept silent around my relatives, as usual, while they were having their long and boring conversations. My posts suck more when I'm narrating something. Bear with me. I seriously need some not-so-mature cousins/uncles who aren't too old and/or too young for me to hang out with. Life's lonely when your nephew gets along with your brother more 'cause they're practically the same. (The Sebastian genes contain a hint of autism, I have living proof that my not-so-normal tendencies were inherited from my forefathers.) So, yeah, after that we went to Mall of Asia and my mom bought me some nice t-shirts. God, you do not know how it's like to wear worn out hand-me-downs all the time. Boo hoo, being the youngest sucks. Yeah, I have a small range of apparel making it seem like I'm wearing the same thing at school over and over and over again. Now I have some half-decent clothing I can wear at any given time. Finally, I needed some variation after so long... Well, I never really cared much on what I wear, whenever I'm planning to buy something, I rely on the people around me to choose what's close to the best and just agree if I like it. So I just let my mother choose some decent-looking t-shirts and see if I'll end up liking it.

The only thing I regret is that I didn't bother buying that Bench t-shirt that had "Friend With Privileges" written on it. Hahaha. Brings back the memories, right Christian? *cough*abusado*cough* Hahaha.

Yeah, I'm practically happy that the 7 pieces of t-shirts my mom bought me costs as much as 4,100 Php. Putek, ang mahal ng FILA, buti nalang sale. Hahaha. Fortunately, she bought those clothes for me out of pity, she seldom buys me anything brand new, clothing wise, so yeah, that's not my birthday gift yet. May susunod pa, in cash, pero 2000 lang, 'di na kinaya ng nanay ko yung apat na libo't isang daan na ginastos niya sa damit ko e. Hahaha.

Then we went back to the hotel and ate some pizza, my number one weakness. I ate 2 pieces, with the additional leftovers that my parents give when they've eaten too much. After that, we got back home at around 12 AM. Well, that was fun, it seems as though my hatred was minimized by the overwhelming joy I felt to be free from the grimy hands of home.

Oh, I'm getting fatter by the minute, and the thought that other people who eat much more than I ever do on a daily basis aren't experiencing any problems with their, uhhh, figure bothers me so much. TAMAAN KA LLANO!!! The envy, the envy. Life's not fair and I'm obliged to deal with that tormenting fact. Boy, that sucks.

So, yeah, it's my birthday and I've managed to survive a tormented life for 14 years. I'm not really happy, but I can say that I'm not totally depressed on this sacred date. I guess that's good enough. Well, I'd like to greet KB Gorne a very happy 15th birthday, too. Yeah, he's older than me but I'm taller than him. I guess this sudden growth spurt is an aftereffect of abundant ingestion of nutrients when I was a lot younger... Or maybe not.

Time flies when you're having fun. You wake up, another year is gone.

And Never Brought to Mind.

2008-01-01T12:50:00.001+08:00

Yeaaaah, it's a new year and the only thing I've accomplished so far is that half-done crossword crap for Biology. Nevertheless, I'm obliged to finish everything before this Christmas break ends at January 6. So much for a "Happy new year", but, yeah, it can't be helped.

Well, that was nice. Tomorrow's my birthday and I'm still persuading everyone I know to greet my nearing end. Lalo na si Llano. Ilang ulit ako nagparinig, wala parin, ta's nung sinabi ko na batiin na niya ako, sa 3 nalang daw. Waaaaw, nung napilit ko na, halata pang plastik. Yeah, so if you're gonna greet me a happy birthday, make sure any form of sarcasm and hypocrisy can't be sensed. Isa pa 'tong si Marielle e, "BUZZ. janvic, anu yng h.w. ntin s theo. at sa soc.scie? BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ." Bastos. I refused to respond 'cause she failed to greet me a happy birthday before asking. Status ko pa naman nun "Birthday ko na bukas."

Pffft, notice that I'm restricting the hate factor in my current post which makes the post suck more than any other post. Nice.

Is it not obvious that I'm pathetically sulking and begging for your "thoughts that count" so much? Well I guess it is, 'cause the suck factor of my post just increased by 70% percent. That's nice. Well, I just feel that... Eh, no one cares. I guess I should talk to my guidance councilor or something and shed my tears in front of him/her. Yeah, I actually imagined such a scene and at that, I realized why I'm so paranoid and anorexic lately.

Everyone has imperfections, but it's how we make proper use of what we are already good at that makes us a "perfect" person.

Either I got that from a forwarded text message which my brain just revived or from wherever, I guess it's true, 'cause I know someone whose life seems oh-so-perfect. He may not be the smartest guy in class, but he makes use of his brain to stock up knowledge that he can use whenever he's called to recite in front of the class. He manages to avoid any form of trouble 'cause talkativeness is out of his vocabulary. He enjoys his life and his outward appearance is very much presentable, unlike me. Pfffft. Life, oh life, when will you be fair?

I guess I should work on how to shut up and find something much more useful to spend my time on instead of talking about every single senseless thing I see and start expressing my deepest hatred about it. I need help. Scratch that, I need professional help. Yeaaah, my friends aren't the type of people you should be running to when you have any problems 'cause they just don't seem to care. The only advice you'll be getting from them is when you say "I want to commit suicide", Christian would happily share his knowledge on how to die a painful and morbid death or maybe a sarcastic "Awww." from Reggie. So, yeah, I need to consult a psychiatrist or someone who could help me wash away my roaring hatred for the world.

So I entered the new year with a hopeless attempt to change for the better and live a life of contentment and of minimal abhorrence. Talk about impossible, but yeah, I can try. All I need is a little support from whoever that is helpful and I might succeed fulfilling a dream of living a peaceful and "perfect" life. Yeah, here goes nothing.

Happy birthday to me 'cause I've figured that none of you have any plans of greeting me. It's sad that you aren't able to remember my date of birth on the very last minute, but hey, I couldn't blame you if I'm unimportant to you in any means possible even if you're importance to me meant my life. Yeah, life sucks, just like what Bea said and nothing in this world was meant to be fair.

You don't know what it's like to be like me.

Empowered Gluttony.

2007-12-30T23:46:00.000+08:00

I always thought of posting something about poverty and the marginal people of the Philippines or how Pinoy television shows succeed in brainwashing every single Philippine child and/or housewife who got a hold of a half-decent television set, but those never get pushed through 'cause I always forget about it or something interesting that I can hate with all my heart and soul spurs up at any given moment. So, yeah, that's just one sentence. Drown in amusement.

So my birthday's in two days and no one seems to give a fuck about it, not even I. Well I guess I should start threatening you to greet me a very happy 14th birthday or something. So let's see... Where do I start?

There was a boy named Adolf, he died of envy 'cause his birthdays sucked and his Jewish classmates had better birthdays than anyone else in the world. He jumped off a cliff ~~while masturbating his non-existent male sex organ and failed to cum~~. Many people saw his dead body stabbed by sharp and pointy rocks at the bottom of the cliff but no one freakin' cared and just left him there to rot. Greet me happy birthday in my tagboard/comment box within 30 minutes of reading this entire post and/or blog of mine or else the spirit of Adolf would start fucking your dad at 11:59 PM today. Your dad might enjoy it, but that'd be a very disturbing idea. So greet me now or I'll stab your faces and eat your soul.

Well, if you find that death threat gruesome/morbid/awful/inhuman/hate-induced or whatever, don't take it too seriously 'cause it's a joke, a very bad one, in fact. Well, you get the idea, I don't need flashy presents that never crossed your minds until now. I just want your "thoughts that count". As much as possible, I would've preferred you guys remembering my birthday instead of forcibly telling you to greet me "happy birthday", but I guess it can't be helped. I mean, it's my first year in San Beda, and I'm not even sure that you were aware that my birthday's in 2 days. So, yeah. My wish is simple, acknowledge the fact that I'm slowly aging and getting one year nearer to my end. Yeah, I'd appreciate it more than whatever, 'cause I really don't think a birthday spent with my family (for the 14th time) would please me that much.

I'm always ever-so inspired to write some random crap showing my hatred towards the world. I don't know why, but it seems to be entertaining on my part. Pfft, the hell you care. Enzo suggested that I'd listen to Green Day to motivate me to hate the world much more. Wala lang. May naalala lang ako sa pangalan ng banda, Green Day. 'Diba Miguel at Llano? Hahaha.

So I was supposed to be wasting my time on doing some schoolwork, but when I got home from church, I just slept for another 4 hours in my formal wear. Yeaaaah, and when I woke up, I ate meatloaf, an egg and some bread with chocolate spread. I was damn bloated again, and the satisfaction you get from eating a simple meal sucks so badly. I can't help but eat when I'm bored, but the threat of becoming fat pisses me off. Yeah, so my sister who hates me for telling her to fuck off my blog invited her... Uhh, how am I supposed to put this nicely? Umm, not-so-fit friend over. I still can't believe that she could invite her friends into a tiny and horrendously painted box like my house. They're sleeping in my room right this very moment 'cause all the other rooms can't accommodate more than a single person. Yeah, this house sucks, I only own about 75% of my room, I'm obliged to share it too other family members 'cause it has an air conditioner. I sleep alone on a bed that's good for two people while my mom sleeps on the floor with nothing but a mattress and some pillows. Yeaaah, I hate my life 'cause I'm deprived from my right of peace and solitude.

Well, you can't blame me for hogging the bed to myself, you can't expect a teenager to sleep on the same bed as his parent, aye? Besides, my ever-so-great father doesn't like the cold environment, so he hogged the maid's room to himself. He sleeps with his piles of worthless trash while the maid sleeps on our couch. Pitiful. Well, if he got used to the cold, he could sleep with my mom on the floor, and they could live happily ever after. No wonder why my dad stocks up his computer account with pornography and all that jazz so much.

Anyway, so my sister abused my mom's cash and bought a big fat pizza from Yellow Cab and a chocolate mousse cake from Red Ribbon. Dude, my mom loves my sister more than me 'cause she works hard and is waaaaay smarter than I'll ever be. So don't expect something nice if ever you're planning to ambush my house and be a parasite and all that. Yeah, so I can't help but eat two humongous slices of that delicious pizza and a small slice of that wonderful cake. God, why am I such a glutton? Well, I guess these are those "guilty pleasures" we all get sometimes.

Why can't the food start fucking off for once? I mean, this Christmas break is just using every means possible to fatten me up. Tomorrow, my mom's gonna buy some random crap that the family could all enjoy for the coming of this new year as a sign of prosperity and for the sake of tradition and all that crap. And the celebration doesn't end there. My birthday's on the 2nd, so I'll be forced to enjoy the food I'll be demanding from my mom again. *sighs* Will this indulgence ever end? I hope so, I don't want to have a hard time entering the door to a new year just because I've grown to fat to fit through it. Haha, corny.

Well then, I guess this post is long enough, and I'm oh-so-sure you're regretting 'cause you've wasted so much time on reading my ever-so-hate-free day.

Look up, the stars are fading and I am still here waiting to see you again.

Enlightenment at Its Fullest.

2007-12-29T19:35:00.000+08:00

Oh look, it's Bea, and she managed to "help" me again. *insert your roaring applause here*

Tama nga naman si Bea. The retards I write about do have feelings too, I seem to have overlooked that. I give my deepest and most heartfelt apologies, I forget to reflect on myself at times. Hahaha. Oh but I have to tell you, Bea, some people don't believe what I write all the time, they usually agree with me sometimes. The things I write about someone are usually universally known facts about them, well except for the IPB and freakin' maniacs thing, those were just my ever-so-positive first impressions on some of my classmates back when I was forcibly outcasting myself from the rest of the school.

In general, people don't "care", they're just posting comments 'cause other people took the initiative to post comments on their blog. It's practically an endless cycle that emerged from boredom and all that blogging crap. Their point was to "return the favor" of making it seem that people read their little blogs amongst the vast interconnection between millions of computers and servers worldwide. Oh, is that how I should be treating the people who bother to "care" for me? Excuse me, I'm such an ingrate, I should be rejoicing that you still give a fuck on what I'm trying to say over here. *throws a party*

If you scratch out the "tons of people can read and actually believe what I'm saying over here" for a while and just look at it as "taking down notes for future reference", there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing, as long as I keep it to myself, right? The only problem is that everything I say is published over the internet for public consumption, be my guest and ingest the words I'm saying right now. I mean, it can't be helped, I would never bother buying a big fat book where I can write all of these and call it my "Doggy Diary" just like Mr. Whatshisheight over there, nor would I ever bother writing everything I hate about the world in Notepad/MS Word and save everything in a virtual representation of a folder, my computer's about to fall apart and I wouldn't be able to "cherish the moments I've written" if ever my computer suddenly dies on me. Even if you say "You can save it in your Flash Drive", man-made devices such as that could easily be lost/stolen/broken/infected with a virus. My last resort is to post everything on the ever-so-reliable internet where everything I write could easily be recorded and everything may last for decades.

In another point of view, I'm merely writing down my opinion, everything is written in black and gray with some few turquoise-like colors all around. I never intended to make you read and believe what I just say. Let's just pretend that this blog of mine was supposed to be a secret like any other diary and you somehow managed to "take a sneak peek" of it. Alright? Well, I guess you're not too stupid to settle for that, but bear with me, Bea's intelligence is far greater than mine, hence, I am left with no words and I'm unable to justify my point of view properly.

And another thing, I'm ever-so-certain that my blog won't be needed in any homeworks, I think it's practically different.

Lesson learned. Backstabbing has many forms and this is actually one of them, *continues to believe in Bea*. I BELIEVE IN YOU MAN!!! ROCK ON! Yeah, yeah, so as long as I talk about someone without their immediate consciousness, it's considered backstabbing, no matter what the intention of talking about someone negatively behind there back is, the bottom line is that it's still backstabbing. Suuure, I'm wrong, you're all right and the world revolves around money and every single perfect person who's around me right now. You've all been very convincing, I thank you for that. Okay, I believe you all know, I'll start posting about how the world's so wonderful and how rabbits are cuter when they're asleep. I'll also talk about that mushy-mushy love life thing you all have and see the world in a new way, that love makes the world go round. Whoopee.

Now that I feel that I'm more enlightened than Siddhartha Gautama, I'll start talking about how fun it will be to enter the New Year with a big fat ~~hypocritical~~ smile and how fun it will be to receive your "thoughts that count" on my 14th birthday which is on the 2nd of January. Well, I don't think you really want to know about how happy my life is since this very day, so I guess I'll start swimming in schoolwork and ~~whine about it~~ tell you how fun it is to make ~~stupid~~ wonderful crossword puzzles!

Who knew that pressing Print Screen over and over again could be THAT tiring. I still need to finish making the questions, I have the puzzle printed on a bond paper that I'll be cutting and pasting on a sheet of oslo paper. Doesn't that sound oh-so-fun and ever-so-invigorating? Yeah, be amused on how my life's sooo much fun compared to yours :|. ~~Drooown with so much envy and start dying your ass away.~~

Don't get me wrong, I'm not pissed off with your comments and all that, I'm just overwhelmed with the mixed emotions I started feeling after seeing the difference in level of my motivation to do schoolwork and the schoolworks themselves. Yeah, I better get started or else I wouldn't be able to live long enough to "enjoy life".

I'm gonna make damn sure that you can't ever leave.

Subconscious Degradation.

2007-12-28T13:07:00.000+08:00

So I was browsing over my old and ever-so-senseless posts. I hate myself for typing like a Matthew Dayao before realizing that it was very unsightly for a person who has any dignity in his system. No offense, Matt. Anyway, I was browsing through my horrendous way of writing for reference. I was wondering where this concept of my blog being a "backstabbing induced weblog lacking of moral values" originated, I mean, look at your comments! God, stop annoying me, I told you before that "I'm merely expressing my honest opinion on facts about distasteful people without their consciousness of this said act, I don't think of it as backstabbing." Seriously, that's all there is to it. I mean, it all started when I was conversing with member #2 of the Retarded Circle of 3 about fucking off 'cause his annoying and imitating ways keep on bothering me so much. Tinago ko lang yung pangalan niya tapos nagdagsaan na yung mga gagong walang magawa sa buhay nila. Tapos nun, dumating yung IPB tapos may gumawa pa ng hardcopy ng post ko na yun. Ayos no?

I always thought of backstabbing as "talking about someone behind their backs", not "typing facts about someone over the internet and putting your honest opinion on them where everyone who can access the internet can see." The people I talk about whom have no consciousness of my acts will eventually know what I'm doing, and I wouldn't mind. I made this blog so that I can write about the things I see in everyday life, I'm just taking them down as I see them.

Get my point? I guess not, well, I'll gladly elaborate a bit further. You see, I can explain my situation in different perspectives, one being "I'm writing everything I don't like about someone over the internet where everyone has the right to see it so that the person I'm writing about could eventually see it." That's just partly a purpose of this blog that emerged when I kept on encountering distasteful people in SBC. Another perspective is that "YOU SHOULDN'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT WHAT I WRITE AT TIMES 'cause I usually post entries in my blog so that I have something to look back into when time passes by." Now do you get it?

Frankly, I'm merely expressing my freedom of speech and I'm completely aware that you have your freedom of expressing your opinion too, but that doesn't mean you have to detest me for what I do, I don't mind you calling me a backstabber and all that fuck, but please understand that I, being a human being who has emotions and feelings that get hurt too, tend to whine about other people who keep pissing me off on an everyday basis.

I sincerely hope you're not dense at all so that you can keep up with what I'm saying over here, I'm just fed up with those know-it-alls with their roaring opinions about my so-called and practically non-existent "backstabbing ways".

Things to remember before you leave:
» I post so that I have something to look back into when time passes by.
» The people I talk about have been part of my life, even if they've been negatively part of it, and I have every single right to remember them via this blog.
» I'm merely exercising my freedom of speech, if you abhor me for that, then fuck off.
» If you don't want me beating up the hell out of your ass, don't say "I don't like you" in front of me especially if I barely know you. I'm not necessarily talking about Enzo here, this applies to all of the strangers who are planning to tell me that.
» I wasn't born to please every single person who reads my blog, so if you don't like the way I look at life, then start fucking yourself and get a life.

Oh yeah, just because I said all these hurtful words doesn't mean I'm closing my door to any suggestions that'd be for the betterment of my blog. Go ahead and criticize my blog, just don't make it too destructive or I'll start hating you for that.

I was supposed to post my roaring opinion about fanaticism of JDoramas but Gab inspired me to post about "backstabbing" and all that.

By the way, my birthday's in 4 days. Greet me.

Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the on to build me up and tear me down...

Of Never-ending Boredom.

2007-12-27T15:05:00.000+08:00

It's been a week since the end of classes and I'm still succeeding in running away from the humongous hoard of schoolwork following me day by day. God, can anyone tell me what I'm supposed to be working on? I have no idea on how many projects and assignments I'm supposed to be finishing before the 7th of January and I'm bothered by the fact that my mom's still not bugging me about them.

So, yeah, my freakin' head's aching 'cause I didn't sleep well last night. I was too busy thinking of how less fortunate I am compared to my classmates and how your lives are almost too perfect compared to mine. After the thought of all that bullshit, I felt like dying... I stopped for a moment and imagined my funeral, my coffin standing still in front of everyone I knew and no one even bothered to share a tear of sympathy 'cause I've been sooo mean and heartless these past years. God, I don't want that to happen, so I swore to myself that I'd change for the better this coming 2008 and try being pretentious and all that. I'll try to ignore the lifeless whores and freaks who keep bothering me with their attention-seeking ways, I'll try to forget the Retarded Circle of 3 and treat them as if they were never there 'cause I wouldn't mind if they were the only ones who wouldn't bother crying for me when I die. Watch me as I attempt to be a do-goody-goody and be the greatest hypocrite who ever lived. Don't expect me to butt into things I'm not concerned about though, I still posses this quality of lacking the necessary initiative, so you have to boss me around before I start helping. But please do ask nicely...

Besides, the thought of my friends and family being in heaven as I burn in hell with the Retarded Circle of 3 bothers me the most. I mean, who'd want to spend their second life with those freaks?! No offense, but you still piss me off.

So I was bored and watched Naruto up to it's 62nd episode. I'm still too far from finishing it, so I guess I should continue. I'm still waiting for Bleach 154 to freakin' load, though. I'm watching it over anilinkz.com, and to tell you honestly, the people over there are sooo perverted. God, they talk about their sisters' umm... Yea, you get the point. I just wish this thing would load a lot faster so that I could get away from that freakishly perverted chatbox of theirs.

I'm so bored. No one in the right mind's online at this very moment... I don't like chatting with women, most (not all) of them uSe StICkY cAPS and all dis fck 2 mke dM l00K lYk tH3yrE,.,.,.,, "in". Oh, well I'm not telling you that only women do that, this includes the fags who think that illiteracy is nice for your reading skills. Don't take me that seriously, I'm not forcing you to change or anything, it's okay if you abbreviate a few words in casual instant messaging conversations, but please, don't overdo it. It freakin' sucks. Oh, and just so you know, the worthless people I'm talking about who are online at this very moment are Jason and Matthew.

So unless you're one of those idiots who really can't notice anything, I'll gladly point out the obvious for you. So there's this white and gray bar on the top of this post that says my birthday's in 5 days. Yeah, greet me and all that crap 'cause I'm assuming that my family's too lame to get a grasp of the correct concept of what "fun" birthdays are. Help me, my life's being wasted by the minute. I'm turning 14 in 5 days and I still haven't bothered doing any of my schoolwork. Yeah.

Is it just my phone or is Globe starting to suck a lot more than before? I mean, I tried sleeping at around 10 PM, I received a text message from Christian, I received it at 11:07 PM I didn't bother replying, it's not like he'd immediately do schoolworks that late. There was nothing really significant about this, but exactly 30 minutes later, I received the same message. I assumed that he just sent it twice 'cause I didn't reply immediately, but when I looked at the timestamps, it said that he sent both messages at around 10:47 PM... So I assume my cellphone just sucks so badly or maybe it's Globe or Sun Cellular's fault?

This reminds me, I want a new phone, one with a memory card, I mean, 2 megabytes freakin' suck. I can't even transfer a single half-decent song into that piece of crap, this problem just increases the boredom factor of my life. Raaaawr.

The walls start breathing, my mind's unweaving, maybe it's best you leave me alone.

Venial Mockery.

2007-12-25T19:48:00.000+08:00

I regret the day that I was born is such a horribly constructed family, genetically wise. Hahaha. It'd be easier for you to agree with me if you've seen my facially impaired uncles, but I won't allow that since I'm too ashamed of the blood that perpetually flow through these condemned veins. Would anyone care to adopt me? I may not be handsome and all that, but I sure am smart. Hahaha. I wouldn't mind being your house pet or butler or something, as long as you feed me 2 full meals a day, 7 days a week, 30-31 days a month and 12 months every year, that'd be enough.

I still can't believe that my uncle had two families with that appearance. Well, I guess it was just the 7 signs of skin aging striking the old and feeble. Cruel, much? Hahaha. Well, I guess I'll tell you why I mock them so much... You see, my father's freakishly horrible genes remained dominant over my mother's, for me, that is. Therefore, every single imperfection I have today all came from my father's side, condemn it with me, will you? All my skin problems came from them and I'm not grateful in any means possible. Oh, and you haven't seen their beautifully constructed noses which I partially inherited. I'm bothered by the fact that my mom was actually so desperate to fall in love with my dad... Ew, and she was so beautiful when she was young, in fact, she still is, for a fifty three-year-old. Hahaha.

Can I start from scratch and be born as your brother instead? Pleeeeaaaaase?! I beg of you, let me do it all over again, I'd be much much happier! Oh, and did I mention that I'm saying all of this 'cause we had another lame, boring, lifeless and stupid family reunion for the nth time? I guess not, but now you know.

Well, I have to say, this year's the lamest one I've attended. We just ate and watched my stupid little cousins grab toys and all that crap. How entertaining... I'm sooo unfortunate 'cause I have no cousin/uncle/aunt that has the same age as me. All of my cousins are either too old or too young. This is the main reason why I don't like being with my relatives. Boo hoo. Sob with me.

Mind you, this isn't the worst part of everything about my family... Let me share a few interesting facts about my ever-so-interesting family.

Starting with my mother's side, my grandmother died at the age of 83, I cried at her funeral but not a single tear had sincerity, she had seven? children, my mom being the youngest. My mom's one of those "hard-working people who became sorta successful in the end". Her mom just sold rice products in her province and my mom helped her everyday. No wonder, you can't expect that much from a 3rd grade graduate, no offense. She wasn't really close to her mother, my grandmother's sole goal was to feed them, she didn't care for them enough. Her father died when she was still 5 years old, so I was never able to know the feeling of having a grandfather 'cause the same fate happened for my father! Guwapo pa naman daw yung lolo ko, dun daw nagmana yung nanay ko, hahaha. How nice. My mother's irresponsible older sisters who have dozens (don't take it too literally) of children never prospered in the end, especially the twins. This is the exact reason why we don't go to the province that much. Dudugas lang sila ng pera sa nanay kong 'di gaanong mayaman :|. Kapal ng mukha. Lalong wala na kaming dahilang bumalik sa probinsya kasi patay na rin naman yung lola ko.

Off to my father's interesting side... Contrary to what my mother's fate was compared to her siblings, my father was practically the least successful among his siblings. (Madami sila e, ang sisipag ng mga lolo't lola ko nun.) One of my uncle's a lawyer, one of my aunt's living abroad and I can say the rest are a lot richer than us. Hahaha, all of my family's failures, my overactive acne and all my wrong values, I owe it all to my ever-so-blessed father.

Kung mas matinong lalaki lang ang napakasalang ng nanay ko, siguro mayaman na sila ngayon, masaya at nag-aaral ang kanilang mga anak sa mas prestihiyosong eskwelahan. Kaya lang, nasa huli ang pagsisisi. Mas gugustuhin ko pang magbigay ng pagkakataong mabuhay ang isang batang lalaki ng mabuti at maunlad kaysa sa mabuhay pa ako ng ganito... Putek. Sana siya nalang yung naging kaklase niyo, yung naging kaibigan niyo at yung nagmahal sa kaniya. Manlilibre siguro yun, higit pa sa nililibre ni Lei at kung nanligaw, magbibigay ng stuffed toy, roses, chocolates at pasasayahin ka talaga. It could've certainly been a happy ending for him, if I wasn't born instead of Mr. Whatshisface. Putek talaga. Sorry if we're not rich enough to treat you, blame my father.

Adopt me already! I'm starting to have bad thoughts, how ungrateful of me! I should be thankful that my mom strove hard enough to feed me. Tsk, magsisikap nalang siguro ako para pagtanda ko, masaya ang magiging anak ko at 'di nila maranasan ang sakit ng pagkakaroon ng isang tamad at halos walang kwentang ama.

Hahaha, sabi ng ate ko, ang batang guwapo, lalaking pangit. Look at me now! Hahaha, ang cute ko daw kasi nung batang bata pa ako, tuloy, gumanti ang langit. Tsk. Hahaha, kaya kung ang inyong mga nakababatang kapatid ay saksakan ng pangit, 'wag kayong mag-alala masyado, babawi yan pag tanda na niya. Hahaha.

Naks, nilalait ko na ang sarili ko't tinatanggap na ang katotohanan, pero 'wag niyo naman sanang abusuhin ang pagtanggap ko sa katotohanang ito, naiinsulto parin naman ko, diba? Hahaha, guwapo't magaganda na nga kayo, makikinis na nga ang mukha niyo, maganda na nga ang katawan niyo ('Diba Llano? Hahaha.), buhay pa naman si Manny at Pie Calayan e, ilang libo lang ang katapat niyan, hihigitan ko pa kayo. BWAHAHAHA! ASA PA AKO! Hahaha. Buwiset na buhay nga naman, dinadaan nalang sa tawa't halakhak.

Well, I hope you had a blast with your relatives or with whoever you spent your Christmas with. For the final time, merry Christmas!

Something real, make it timeless, an act of God and nothing less will be accepted.

Smirk of Hidden Truth.

2007-12-24T20:49:00.000+08:00

Why, hello there. You seem to have stumbled upon my humble abode... Yes, I'm nothing but a virtual representation of a writer's thoughts and emotions. Isn't that nice? Well, now that you're here, allow me to make a hypothesis on why on earth you're here on Christmas' Eve! Let's see, you're probably one of those ~~lifeless~~ ever-so-dear carolers who have come to ~~steal my blessings~~ prove to the general public that I'm a blessing to others and full of uttermost worth to all, yes? Well, unfortunately for you, you won't be able to benefit from any of my virtual food/money, simply because you're not virtual at all, I'm ever-so-sure of that. So, you might as well knock on another kind person's heart instead of my invisible virtual heart, okay?

Oh wait, but please do make yourselves at home if you're planning to learn more about this blogger's life. Let me get you a cup of hot chocolate as you read my master's ever-so-wonderful perspective about "the season of giving" and all that "yuletide cheer" of yours...

----------
So it's that time of the year again, the time where we all get hyped up wrapping gifts and preparing delicious food to celebrate the birth of our dear Jesus Christ. All of you go to church, eat your Noche Buena crap and start ~~sleeping whilst being bloated and all~~ giving love on this ever-so-blessed day. How nice.

So yesterday, I was bored to the fullest extent that I was forced to socialize with my family. Hahaha, I had nothing better to do than to point out how badly painted and ugly our house is and to help a little in preparing our lunch that day. Dada ako ng dada sa nanay ko, turo ako ng turo ng kapangitan ng bahay namin, tsk. Yung kalat pa ng tatay ko sa garahe, nako po. Hanapan niyo nga ako ng bagong bahay, pwede ba? Hahaha. Sabi ng nanay ko may brochure siya ng plan para sa Sun Cell, interesado ako kasi gusto ko ng bagong cellphone, yung may memory card! Wala na akong paki sa sim, meron na akong Sun e, pero pwede na rin, mas OK pa sa akin ang line pag Sun. Pinahanap ko sa kaniya, wala naman, tinapon na daw niya, binwisit lang niya ako, ayos no? Yan ang nanay ko. Kaya natulog nalang ako mula 2 PM hanggang 7 PM, tapos sa sobrang lakas ng trip ko, nagbuhat ako ng weights, kaya ang sakit tuloy ng braso ko ngayon. Bandang 11 PM, natapos na magcomputer yung kuya ko, tapos yun nga, yung conversation namin ni Jason. Naglalaro ako ng Dragon Fable at MechQuest nun e. Lubusan na ang aking pagkainip at wala na talaga akong magawa nang mga oras na iyun e. Tssssk. Bandang 4 AM na ako nakatulog, nagising ako ng 11 AM, kaya hanggang ngayon, inaantok parin ako. Tsk.

Edi yun, bumili ng konting pagkain yung nanay ko kasi trip niya. Nagtataka naman ako kung ba't pa siya nagabala para dun, e wala naman dapat kaming ipinagdiriwang ngayong araw na 'to e. Ang nakakabuwisit pa dun, 'di ko mapigilan ang sarili ko. Hahaha, I ate a little more than my normal 1/16 cup of rice diet. Tumaba tuloy ako :|... Tsk, kaya nga ayoko ng Pasko e, season of eating. Tsk.

Well it's nothing but a boring Christmas, if you ask me, we're supposed to go to my relatives' place tomorrow to celebrate Christmas, but I'm not really in the mood to socialize with my ancestors. I still hate them for giving me such laaaame genes. Hahaha.

Well I hope your Christmas isn't as lame as mine, happy holidays and God bless.

I'll set off on a new chase, I gotta see a new face, I need to take a holiday.

Astrologically Illogical.

2007-12-24T00:19:00.000+08:00

My Sunday sucked, so I guess I'll just post my ever-so-meaningful conversation with someone I once considered as a friend.

Jason: everyone.... paligayahin nyu ang aking pasko... ngayon ako ay nagdurusa.....
Janvic: you can't expect someone you love to love you back so easily
Janvic: you should've thought of that if you didn't want to get hurt in the end
Jason: alam q yun
Jason: still i'm regretting
Janvic: you can't force her to say "I love you, Jason"
Jason: alam q dn yun....
Janvic: you can't do anything about it if she can't even manifest a single whiff of attraction to you
Janvic: you should find someone else or not love at all
Janvic: or love her with all your heart and expect nothing at all in return
Jason: mahirap eh.... ginawa ko na lahat.... nung una ko siyang makilala existing p aq sa kanya.... nxt day.... non-existing n kaagad aq....
Janvic: ganun talaga
Janvic: wala kang magagawa kung ayaw ka niyang pansinin
Janvic: bakit? close ba kayo?
Jason: b4: malapit n..... now: very very distant....
Jason: tuluyan ko nalang kaya maglaslas???
Janvic: bala ka
Janvic: I'm very supportive and all that
Jason: hai nku.... ang hirap!!!! gusto q ng magpakamatay pero alam ko na may kakaunting pag-asa p aq....
Janvic: yun naman pala e
Janvic: edi lubusin mo na yung kapipiranggot na pag-asa na yun
Jason: yun nga ang problema eh... yung piraso ng pag-asa na un..... locked in the middle of hoplessness....
Janvic: well if you're so close-minded like that, I guess you should go on with that suicidal attempt of yours
Jason: bka tama lng na magsuicide aq..... taas man o baba ang bagsak ko.... bsta wala n aqng problema ok lng skn...
Janvic: pwede
Jason: nakakainis!!!! naluluha n aq!!!!!!
Janvic: Big Girls Don't Cry
Jason: ang hirap tlga....
Jason: bkt b ganito ang buhay?!?! wala n nga aqng magawang tama..... wala p aqng kakampi!!!!
Jason: for further info on my situation please refer to my blog about my miserable life....
Janvic: 45 ako sa cute test
Jason: wat?!?! bat 30 lng aq?!?! (pinapasaya q lng sarili q)
Janvic: 'cause I'm waaaay cuter than you
Jason: ahhh... gnun b??? in wat way?
Janvic: kung wala lang akong pimples
Jason: ah ok....
Jason: by the way.... bat gcng k p sa oras n ganito??
Janvic: natulog ako kanina e
Janvic: 5 hours
Janvic: bukod pa yun sa 6 hours nung umaga
Jason: ang tindi mo...
Jason: which is better? Asphyxiation, toxification, jumping from a building or bridge, slitting one's wrist or throat, intentional drowning, or intentional starvation???
Janvic: starvation's gradual, so that's a no-no
Janvic: drowning can easily be prevented, so that's also a no-no
Janvic: jumping from a building would catch too much attention, a no-no
Jason: so which one is better?
Janvic: asphyxiation's sorta preventable... toxification is too I only realized that there was no such word. Word of advice, don't pick up any words you hear from this guy.
Janvic: so try slitting your throat
Janvic: or your carotid pulse
Janvic: oi! bago ka magpakamatay, gift ko muna
Jason: ah ok.... may i ask a question?
Janvic: ano?
Jason: have you ever experienced being so sad that not even your love can extinguish?
Jason: the depression??
Janvic: yeaaa
Janvic: I cry myself to sleep and keep it to myself
Jason: eh pnu ka nananatiling masaya hanggang ngaun??
Jason: may i ask another question?
Janvic: ano?
Jason: pano mo nakukuha ang lakas na magpatuloy sa buhay??
Janvic: kasi may gusto akong patunayan
Jason: anu yuin???
Janvic: kung sino ang aking TUNAY na kaibigan
Janvic: iba ang bestfriend sa true friend
Jason: in what way??
Janvic: aba ewan ko
Janvic: basta masaya na ako ng konti sa ngayon
Janvic: kasi di ako loner
Jason: hai nku.... eh bat aq may kaibigan din pero malungkot p rn aq??
Janvic: ba't nga ba
Janvic: ewan ko
Jason: d q maintindihan....
Jason: any advice on my slowly crumbling friendship with you???
Janvic: let it crumble, for all I care
Jason: ok.... ala nmn aq magagawa...
Janvic: la naman akong gagawin e
Jason: ok....
Janvic: it was nice having a conversation with a hopeless person like you
Janvic: Christmas and New Year.
Jason: thanks for the advice......
Janvic: you're very welcome
Janvic: just remember, in the end, you shouldn't regret, 'cause it was your choice
Jason: salamat sa lahat...

A meaningless conversation about some bitch called "kingdomspy" followed. It's not significant in any way, so it'd just be a waste of space.

May naalala tuloy ako. Parang si Llano lang 'tong ginagawa ko lagi, no? Yung kino-copy paste yung mga conversation tapos ipopost kung saan-saan. Diba Christian? Yung comment niya sa account ng 22, yung bulletin niya sa group ng 22 at marami pang iba. Lakas ng trip ng lalaking yun, 'di mo aakalaing ganun siya sa unang tingin, hilig nung mamblackmail dati, nagtataka tuloy ako kung pano ko yun naging kaibigan. Hahaha.

So I spend every single day of my life reading senseless horoscopes that can be found on My Yahoo. I'm using the My Yahoo! Beta thing as my homepage, whereas it displays 2 horoscopes for 2 different Zodiacs, Capricorn and Aquarius. It's not like I actually internalize these things and live to its accord, but as a simple-minded person, I seem to be entertained by comparing it to my day.

Edi yun, nahirapan na akong ipahiwatig ito sa sapilitang paggamit ng wikang banyaga, kaya aking itutuloy ang pagpapahiwatig ng aking opinyon sa munting pangyayaring ito sa pamamagitan ng ating sariling wika... Yun nga, tuwing tinitignan ko yung horoscope ko, ang lumalabas ay dalawa, Capricorn at Aquarius. E dahil ako'y lubusang walang magawa sa aking buhay, binabasa ko na rin yung isa. Yun, nakakainggit kung minsan yung horoscope ng Aquarius, sana sa Capricorn nalang napunta yun. Hahaha, tulad na lamang ngayong araw na ito:

December 24, 2007

Capricorn (12/22-1/19)
» Some of your newer acquaintances are going to be in your life for quite a long while, so make sure you start things off on the right foot. Even if you have major plans for a major change soon, don't expect much of a change in the cast of characters you're surrounded with. Getting to know someone is an art form you have mastered. Today, put in some time to make this tenuous new connection more rock-solid. It's as easy as asking questions and listening to answers.

Aquarius (1/20-2/18)
» Getting enough exercise should become a top priority for you. Doing so will help keep you feeling positive, thinking positive -- and looking positively gorgeous! You should realize that just like you can change your life through certain acts and deeds, you can also change your body through how much or how little you exercise. Diet is important to address now too, but the stars say it's more important for you to get active and get your blood pumping.

Llano, palit tayo ng birthday para Aquarius nalang ako, 'di mo na kelangang magexercise, may abs ka na e. Hahaha. Walang kwenta yung akin e, ayokong makakilala ng bagong tao, tsk.

Well, as I've said, I don't internalize these things whatsoever, kaya gagayahin ko nalang yung horoscope ng Aquarius! Hahaha, lakas ng trip. Total, 20 na araw lang naman ang layo ko mula sa Aquarius. Hahaha.

Yun, sa sobrang walang kwenta ng post ko, wala akong madagdag na makabuluhang bagay, kaya titigil na siguro ako dito. Paalam.

This love is killing me, but you're the only one. It's not over.

Acrimony of the Barren.

2007-12-23T01:55:00.000+08:00

Still as I remain, watching those whom enjoy their lives at this very moment. As I witness their acts, driving away boredom, out of nowhere, envy spurs. Thereby initiating the acrimonies of the bored one.

My, my, what am I doing up so late? It's 1:58 AM and I'm still bothering to post, I mean, it's not like I'm gonna say something of public importance... But since I've started, I guess I should continue yet another senseless post brought up by utter boredom.

Honestly, this is all Gab's fault, I read his freakin' post about this "much anticipated Christmas break" and I got all pissed off and decided to share to my dearest viewers/readers/stalkers my opinion about these stupid "Christmas breaks". Well, first of all, I freakin' hate the part where the teachers just blatantly stack up all of these assignments and projects for us to do on this so-called-break. This actually defeats the purpose of a break, making the whole thing senseless in my perspective. Next is the fact that I don't get to see her and my ever-so-beloved friends. The fact that we don't have Christmas makes everything worse! I have nothing to celebrate and nothing better to do! It's all fuckin' boring. I enjoy the essence of cramming math assignments before the morning assembly starts a whole fuckin' lot more than endlessly pressing random buttons in a pointless game called Dragon Fable. God, please give me something nice to do. I beg of you, please.

My ever-so-family-oriented parents have somewhat abandoned our relatives and refuse to spend their time, money and strength on visiting them this Christmas. That's all fine for me, I mean, I'm not really close to any of my relatives, but I just FUCKING wish that I had something freakin' better to do!!!

You know what? Fuck you. That's for having a less-boring and much more better life than me. Don't take it seriously, unless you're retarded or something, I'd gladly shove those words right into your ass right now. You probably have something a lot better to do than to stare into oblivion, you're probably packing your junk, preparing for a little family trip to Baguio, just like Christian or you're probably waiting for someone special so the two of you, along with the rest of your friends, can go to Eastwood and celebrate a friend's birthday, like Michelle... Or maybe you're just sleeping away that boredom of yours, just like Gab... Either way, all scenarios, except the latter, are way better than mine.

Well, that's all for today and yesterday. Begone.

'Cause I'll keep singing this lie if you'll keep believing it.

Unideal Idleness.

2007-12-21T17:55:00.000+08:00

Wala pala akong nasulat na title nung una ko 'tong ipublish. Wala ako sa sarili ko, wala kasing magawa e. Tsk.

Putek. Walang akong magawa sa buhay, 'di ko kayang lubus-lubosin ang aking bakasyon. Tsk. Nakakatamad manood ng Naruto, 220 episodes ba naman, e nasa episode 31 palang ako, nakakasawang makinig sa playlist ko, paulit-ulit nalang ang kanta, nakakasawa rin naman ang Sims 2, walang bago. Wala rin naman akong ka-chat, wala si Llano ngayon, nasa bahay ng mayaman niyang kamag-anak, nagpapakasaya dun at nagdiriwang ng pasko. Tsk, buti pa si Llano may nagagawa sa buhay niya. Tssssk. I need something new that'd keep me busy during the Christmas break. Sinong may DotA diyan, isend file niyo sakin gamit ang YM o e-mail! Magpapraktis ako!!! Hahahahaha. Subukan ko kayang mag O2Jam? Wala akong kaalam-alam sa computer games e, Gunbound lang yung nilalaro ko noong ako'y isang hamak na paslit pa lamang. Nagsawa na rin ako dun, dati pa. Nu ba yaan.

Kung kelan ba naman ako ginaganahang kumain, biglang walang pagkaing matino sa walang kwentang pamamahay na 'to. Well, I should be grateful and consider it as a blessing in disguise. I mean, I'm not getting any thinner since Reggie bloated me so much, so it's best if I keep on starving myself! Kaadikan naman o. Hahaha.

Sus, ang tanging libangan ko na nga lang ay ang pagsagot ng mga walang kwentang survey sa Friendster e, ta's kukunin pa nila sakin yun? "The maximum number of daily bulletins has been exceeded." Pota, kalandian naman o.

Well, I guess I should be ending this post now. Expect a lot more senseless posts from now until the New Year's.

And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you more than you, more than you know.

Final Deteriorations.

2007-12-20T14:57:00.000+08:00

Ceased. The unpleasant & never-ending fires vigorously scorching fires from the guns and cannons of utter hatred deep within my impure heart have finally ceased after so long... Now as I choose whether to rebuild every single thing that my burning hatred has damaged or to forever bury them under the ground, depleting every single trace from my memories, I conduct the very final deteriorations.

Yesterday was the final day of the year wherein I get to see her and the whole class of 2-22... I never grasped the chance to greet her "Merry Christmas" or anything, nor did I even bother seeing her before I leave... Pitiable, though I'm glad that this was the only thing I ended up regretting.

So as I was saying, we had our Christmas party yesterday, it wasn't very exhilarating or anything for me, but it was fine. After that long and honestly boring mass, we started the Christmas party... Nagpamalas ng husay sa pagsasayaw ang barkadang Pegasus. Trip nila, wala tayong magagawa dun. Then they played some games, after that, the hosts, Gab & Gabbie, awarded special members of the class some special awards. I won't bother mentioning the insignificant ones that I didn't care to remember. So, let's see, they were...

» Killer Smile - Funtanilla. Sino pa ba?
» Kitikititext - Ako, si Janvic. I'm oh-so-flattered to receive such an award.
» Mr. Sexy - Sabihin ko pa ba yung pangalan? Wag na nga, baka magalit pa sakin, shy-type e.
» Barkada of the Year - Pegasus. Malamang.

Yun lang ang naaalala ko e. La kasing kwenta utak ko e, makakalimutin. Tsk.

After that, we started to exchange gifts... So Jason gave me some sort of organizer or something. I don't know why, but I think he's making much of a fuss with the fact that I'm somewhat "intellectual" or something... The other day, his gift was some weird game called Sudoku. Interesting, he thinks I'm THAT much of a bookworm/mathaholic. Pardon me if ever I seem to have a biased and negative opinion on this, it's just that I was never really into "gift giving" and receiving presents from people other than my parents. Anyway, my gift for Renz was a pillow, I thought it would help him get enough sleep in his own house instead of blatantly sleeping during class hours. Afterwards, the time of eating, drinking and being merry came. Oh joy, I didn't eat that much. I easily get full. After cleaning up a bit, the party was finished. It just ended like that... As I was saying, the party was ever-so-invigorating.

I had no plans of personally telling my parents about our little rendezvous after the party, but I was obliged to do so 'cause I needed the money. Hahaha. Sa text ko nalang sana sasabihin na pupunta kami nila Llano, Lei at Ivan sa Sta. Lucia/Robinsons kung may pera lang talaga ako. Hahaha. Ayun, sumakay kami ng tricycle, binayaran ni Llano utang niya, tapos jeep, tapos pumunta kami dun sa palengke. Nakalimutan ko yung pangalan e, basta parang NCC. Tapos, yun, naglaro sila sa computer shop, sinubukan kong magDotA, wala akong maintindihan, 'di ko alam yung gagawin. Kinukulit ako ni Lei, kaya naginternet nalang ako't pinanood silang maglaro ng Counter Strike at Battle Realms. Hahaha, OP ako. Then around 3:00 PM, we left the computer shop, paid and went to Robinsons. Umuwi na si Ivan nung papunta palang kami, sayang, kasi nanlibre si Lei ng KFC. Regalo daw niya yun. Hahaha, our feces would have so much sentimental value now. Napilitan nga lang akong kumain e, ayoko kasing tumaba, pero si Lei at Llano, parang 'di na nila nginunguya yung pagkain nila. Sobrang bilis matapos. Grabe. Then after that, we went to Comic Alley. Bibili daw si Lei ng gift para sa kaniyang minamahal na pamilya. Nakalimutan ko yung regalo ko pa naman yung regalo ko sa kanila, tsaka 'di ko naman alam yung gusto nila, kaya dun ko nalang sila binilan. Wala rin naman akong magawang matino sa pera ko nun e. So after that, we... Walked around the mall, looking for some shop that I've never heard of before. 'Di namin mahanap, edi pumunta nalang kami ng department store. Naghanap ng mug si Lei, nung nakakita na siya (no choice), nahabaan siya sa pila at nilapag nalang yung mga mug sa tabi ng mga study lamp. Ayos no? Edi pagkatapos kaming pagurin ni Lei, bumili nalang siya ng 2 sumbrero para sa kaniyang dalawang minamahal na nakababatang kapatid. Tapos, yun, pumunta kami dun sa Tea Squared, nagpalibre si Llano kay Lei (S. O. P. na yun pag kasama mo si Christian) at ako'y nagunli. May unli na daw kasi, kaya nagtext nalang ako dun, ayoko rin namang uminom/kumain nung mga oras na yun, kaya ayos lang sakin... Nanginggit pa nga sila e, parang naman maapektuhan ako. Hahaha. Tapos, may nakita si Reggie na plastik ng "Swell Stuff" kaya hinanap niya yun, bibili daw siya ng regalo para sa kaniyang magulang. Binilan niya yung tatay niya ng dog tag at stuffed toy naman sa nanay niya. Nge, well, it's the thought that counts! Ako nga kahit pamilya ko 'di ko niregaluhan e, si Llano at Lei lang talaga! Wala naman kasi kaming Pasko, kaya ganun. Tapos, bumalik kami dun sa computer shop, nagDotA kami. Medyo naintindihan ko na yung gagawin, pero medyo lang. Kelangan ko pa ng praktis. Hahaha. Tapos, yun sumakay kami ng jeep, sinabayan nila ako kasi kahit aling jeep daw ang sakyan nila makakauwi parin sila. Buti pa sila, sakin hindi e. It's hard to find a mode of transportation when you're going to venture off into my village. Tsk tsk, dapat 'di na lang kami lumipat. Mas malapit kasi ang Brookside sa San Beda. Tsk. Anyway, Christian lost his wallet which had his ever-so-valued keychains attached to it. I can't blame him if he values those little pieces of metal and wood, I mean, it could have some sort of sentimental value to him. 'Di na namin nabalikan kasi 'di siya nagsabi agad, ta's nagbayad na si Lei. Sasamahan ko sana siya kung sinabi lang niyang balikan namin. Hahaha. Buti nalang naalis niya yung 1000 dun bago mawala. Whew.

So I got home around 7:30 PM. I had a chat with Calvin for a while instead of posting or watching some anime, 'cause I didn't have enough energy to do so!

Adik nanay ko, bibilan daw niya kasi ako ng relo kung top 3 parin ako sa 2nd quarter. Nagpabili siya dun sa kaniyang matalik na kaibigan galing Bahrain/Saudi Arabia/Dubai (Ewan ko kasi kung alin diyan sa tatlo). Kagabi lang sila dumating, binisita nila ang aming munting ~~kubo~~ bahay at ibinigay ang aking relo. Buti nalang daw at barat sila at sale yung relo, kundi mga 7000 na yun, Swiss made daw kasi, galing Swicherlan. Hahaha. 3000 lang daw kasi budget ng nanay ko. Hahaha. Kulet. Nakalimutan ko na nga kung pa'no magsuot ng relo sa sobrang tagal ng pagkawalay ko sa mga gan'tong bagay.

Even if my right hand's my dominant hand, I was used to putting my watches on the same hand. I had a difficult time wearing the watch on that hand now, though, so I guess I'd start wearing it using my left hand...

That night I was sending a message to a group about this imaginary "Janvic & Jem marriage invitation", trip ko lang, hahaha. I guess Jem was sorta fed up a bit with me getting a bit off-hand, and one of her true friends started protecting her by threatening me, in a way. I didn't mind him and responded a few times, it ended with a sign of peace and with the fulfillment of my final deterioration. Afterwards, I pondered on what he just said about "taking care of her when he's gone"... Then I thought, as insincere as it may seem when it's coming from him, he still exhibited one of the many traits of a true friend. Ta's napaisip ako... Sa sarili ko nalang yung naisip ko, basta masaya ako sa ngayon :).

Who said that it's better to have loved and lost? I wish that I had never loved at all...

Of Minimal Abhorrence.

2007-12-18T19:15:00.000+08:00

Repent! ~~For the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!~~ In as much as I'd love to maintain the ever-so-exciting retard-thrashing life of mine, I must remain silent and constitute a momentary truce between I and the Retarded Circle of 3 during this ever-so-sacred yuletide season. It's the season of giving, for crying out loud, this could possibly be the greatest gift I can offer to such lowlifes. Well, I can always go back to my retard-thrashing ways in the New Year, right?

As concrete evidence, I was actually sorta nice to one of the Retarded Circle of 3 members. It went on like this, I lent my science notebook to Christian and waited for him to finish beside his seat. I don't know why, but Jason was there too for no good reason. So, yeah, I treated him like any other ordinary classmate and went on with my life without getting pissed of by it ~~her~~ him.

I don't know what the hell is with people these days, they think my birth date's oh-so-cute 'cause I was born a day after January 1... I don't find that interesting at all... Pero pag tinanong nila: "Kelan birthay mo?" at pag sinabi kong "January 2" ang kadalasang reaksyon ay: "O? Sabay niyo cinecelebrate ang New Year at birthday mo?" o "Wow, ang cute" o 'di kaya'y "Okay." Kulit no? Parang ewan lang. Sana kung pinanganak ako ng September 11, 1993, I'd find that much more interesting....

Dude, how the hell did I get to that topic? Well, moving on, tomorrow's our Christmas party, the last day of the year that I'll get to see her along with my ever-so-valued classmates at school. Magdadala ako ng keyk, bahala na nanay ko kung matino ang bibilin niya. May presentation pang nalalaman yung Lorang yun, aba, siya kaya pakantahin ko sa klase. Amputa, gusto nila Gab ako magperform e 'di nga ako nakikinig nung sinabi nila. Therefore, I never agreed in the first place! Partner dapat kami ni Monica... Nge, ano yun? Alangan namang maghead banger ako sa harap. Kagaguhan, kinumbinse ko si Jason, bala na sila dun sa performance nila, wala na akong paki dun. Taray pa ni Gab e, parang ayaw makinig.

I'll conduct some form of research on the word "snob"... I'm not so sure of my theories, but I believe that the word has been excessively misused... So, I'll look into it... Someday.

Sige, yun nalang. Wala na akong maisip e. Kelangan ko ng sapat na enerhiya para bukas... Paalam...

Take our tears, put them on ice 'cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light.

A Life of Worthlessness.

2007-12-17T20:20:00.000+08:00

To live as a tool and to die as a tool... Pitiable... What a horrid lifestyle indeed. The uneasy feeling of being used, the distasteful manner one is being treated as, all so sorrowful, yet it can't be helped... To live in uncertainty and to die without proving something... Until now I remain unaware of what I am to the people whom matter most to me... I want to be a part of the lives of those who've been part of mine, but I don't want to push myself too much, or else I'll just end up getting rejected just as much... Must I forever live like this? Must I continue blinding myself from the oh-so-horrid truth just to prevent myself from getting hurt...?

I'm still afraid of the possibility that one day, my twisted fate would be the cause of me being alone... Well, if that's the case, I should let it be... I should pat myself in the back again and once again say, "live life to the fullest"... *sighs in much dismay*

8 days, it's all that's left before the much awaited "Birth of Christ". Bearing in mind that I'm not a Catholic and my religion doesn't celebrate Christmas, I still anticipated the said yuletide season for its festive colors and lights shining and glistening every night... But that was before, when I was still a carefree child, unwary of the cruel and harsh world... Now that I've grown much, I still can't enjoy this said "Christmas spirit" that's so much apparent, maybe because I've reached the point of finally becoming sick of it... I'm missing something that I've never longed for before, but whatever I do, I won't be able to obtain it... This Christmas will be spent at home, alone, sleeping and wasting my days of mitigation... My, my, how much I've changed. I'm amused of the fact that I anticipate school days much much more than boring old vacation. I don't know why, but I'm guessing I just might have outgrown the oh-so-absolute "blissfulness" of home.

Nagsawa na siguro ako, nung bata ako lagi akong nasa bahay... Nanonood ng TV... Nagcocomputer... Natutulog... Nagsasayang ng oras... Ayoko na nun. Tsk. Wala naman akong magagawa, wala naman akong pupuntahan, wala rin naman akong kasamang pumunta sa kahit saan. Hahaha.

Kris Kringle, whatever the hell that may be, I shouldn't fucking care, yet I'm still obliged to give something that describes me to the person whose name I have drawn. I gave him a sponge =|. If you're starting to chuckle or to ridiculously laugh boisterously, you might as well close this window/tab and go on with your fucking life, I wouldn't care... How fortunate of me, my name seems to have been drawn by one of the members of the Retarded Circle of 3, and the person whose name I've drawn was also a member of the Retarded Circle of 3. How oh-so-fucking-fortunate... Oh, this is sorta off-topic but I'd just like to publicly congratulate 2-22's Mr. Sexy. HAHAHAHA. I still can't help but laugh whenever I call him that. He's not the type of person who's actually too proud of what he is, in fact, he admitted that he lacks self-confidence, so giving such a daring title to such a quiet guy seems to be improper. Dapat "Killer Abs" nalang yung title e. I'd laugh a little less if that'd be the case, but the bottom line is, I'd still laugh. Hahaha.

Ayos rin siya aba. Ako pa daw yung masungit. Hahaha. Kasi tinawag ako nung kasama niya, 'di ko pinansin, tapos pagbalik niya sabi niya sakin ang sungit ko daw. Ayos talaga, siya nga yung 'di namamansin e. Hahaha. Galiiiing...

It's fascinating how I've formulated my new principle in life, besides the freakin' "live life to the fullest" bullshit. It's "Hunger is a pleasurable sensation, eating's for LOSERS!!!". Ayos no? Parang 'di na kumpleto ang araw ko kung 'di ako nakaramdam ng matinding gutom. It's like my mental stability relies on whether I eat 3 full meals a day or not. Anorexia, anyone? How about some masochism? *stops for a moment then prods self*

Well, now that I've completely gone out of my mind, I may now end this post in peace... Maybe. Bye...

But double standard of suspicion is remedied, oh, my blue heaven, sometimes it just feels better to give in.

Pretentious Nonsense.

2007-12-14T22:42:00.000+08:00

Confusion... Be it all an aftereffect of excessive fretting over the fact that the academic year is nearing to its end, it can't be helped. Various ideas and unfathomable emotions all leading to one concern, I'm incomplete.

Incapability of expressing everything continuously, a shortage of words, I cannot comment on anything. I can't tell you anything, I'm unable to narrate anything, I express nothing, my mind's in a state of bewilderment, everything in it is cluttered up and things I say can't come out right...

Ano baaa. 'Di ko talaga kasi malaman yung sagot sa tanong ko e. Ang panget naman ng dating nun sa taong nais kong tanungin kung tinanong ko sakaniya yun, e 'di naman siya yung tipo ng taong sasagot sa mga ganoong klaseng tanong.

'Di ko rin alam kung bakit e, pero ikaw lang ata ang nagbigay daan para malaman ko kung ano nga ba talaga ang kahalagahan at totoong kahulugan ng tunay na pagkakaibigan. Ewan ko ba't kahit ginagago mo ko'y nakakasundo parin kita, kaya nga medyo (lang) mabait ako sa'yo e. Hahaha. Dude, 'di ko maexplain e. Hahaha. Ang kinatatakutan ko lang ay baka baliwalain mo lang yung lahat. Yun yun e. Sana 'di mo mahalatang ikaw yung pinapatamaan ko. Hahaha, baka kasi mag-iba nanaman ang pagtrato mo sakin.

Lagi ko nalang kagrupo si Angela, lagi nalang siya, wala nang iba, kung hindi man si Angela, si Llano naman. Okay pa si Llano pero sawa na ako kay Angela! Pero mas pipiliin ko yung grupo ni Angela kaysa naman yung grupo ni Gabbie/Gab/Llano pero nandun naman si Jason. Boogsh, pamatay yun. Hahaha.

Ang haiper ko ngayong linggo na 'to, ewan ko ba, academic week kasi siguro, tapos 'di pa niya ako pinapansin kaya nagpapapansin nalang ako. Whooo, wala akong magawa. Wala akong makausap na matino. Tsk tsk. Llano mag-Globe ka nga kasi!!! Tsk tsk.

Si Lei naman napakaingay, parang tanga lang, nalaman lang kung sino siya, pinapahalata na talagang siya. Ang gago rin e. Parang 'di kaibigang nagtatago ng sikreto. 'Di niya talaga kayang gayahin si Llano, tahimik lang pero ipambablackmail niya yung sikreto na yun sakin kung ayaw ko siyang sundin... Kaya siguro naging alila ako ng taong yun. Tsk. Pero masokay pa yung pangaalila kesa sa malaman niya diba? May onting hiya pa namang natitira si Llano e, kaya 'di masyadong matindi ang pangaalila niya. Hahaha. Wala talaga akong masabi e, halataba?

As the title, Pretentious Nonsense, implies, this post is merely a nuisance, it contains no deep meaning or whatever the fuck you like about my blog. So before I completely transfigure into some mentally incapacitated freak of nature, I guess I should be ending this post.

We're all addicted to something, that takes away the pain...